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Post By The requested stand-alone chapter from... the Hooded Hood Sat Aug 20, 2005 at 09:58:05 am EDT |
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#229: Untold Tales of the Lair Legion: Life Goes On | |
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| Dramatis Personae: The Lair Legion: Leader - Sir Mumphrey Wilton; Field Team - Yo, CSFB!, Hatman, Trickshot, Dancer, Manga Shoggoth, Mr Epitome, De Brown Streak ; Associate Members - Visionary, Lisa, the Librarian, Al B. Harper, Yuki Shiro. The Junior Lair Legion (Training Programme) – Kerry Shepherdson, Harlagaz Donarson, Ham-Boy (Fred Harris), Fashion Accessory (Samantha Bonnington), Glory (the Mutt of Might), Hacker Nine (Zachary Zelnitz). Lair Legion Support Staff: Asil Ashling, Hallie, Amber St Clare Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises: Al B. Harper (again), Miss Framlicker, Amy Aston. Colonel Dan Drury, Agent of SPUD Herbert P. Garrick, President’s Special Advisor on Metahuman Affairs #229: Untold Tales of the Lair Legion: Life Goes On Hacker Nine shut off the computer monitor and sat back in his chair. “Right,” he said, “War it is then.” He fed a disc into the Lair Mansion systems to keep Hallie busy then slipped off to conquer the planet. Visionary sat uncomfortably on a chair next to Mr Epitome outside Sir Mumphrey’s office and waited for Mumphrey to finish with Yuki. The possibly-fake man had never really known what to say to the government-sponsored super-agent, and now that Dominic Clancy had been psychologically and physically de-aged and de-memoried by fifteen years he was even less confident. “So…” he said at last, “About those Mets…” “Are you fake?” Epitome asked him straight out. “The files are very unclear about it.” “I’m real, dammit!” Visionary scowled. “It’s just that if anyone ever definitively proves it then the universe ends, that’s all.” “But you don’t have any superpowers, or special skills? You claim to be an ordinary baseline human.” “I am an ordinary baseline human, dammit. And what business is it of yours anyway?” Clancy shrugged. “I was just trying to work out what if any use you were to the Lair Legion, and why they kept you around.” Visionary flushed as the man of might fed his own insecurities. “I’ve had lots of experience and stuff. And I take care of the Junior Lair Legion programme. There’s nothing more important than shaping the minds of tomorrow.” “Those would be the minds of tomorrow who sabotaged my bunk to explode when I laid on it? It’s a good job I routinely check my bed for traps with my x-ray vision before getting into it.” “Ah… well at that point the minds of tomorrow were still being looked after by CrazySugarFreakBoy! He’s been subbing for me while I had a few… difficulties. This is my first day back.” Vizh didn’t go on to speculate whether CSFB! had simply failed to prevent the Junior’s little prank or if it had been his idea. “Glory has a high opinion of you,” Epitome admitted. “But she is rather young and dogs are very loyal.” “Must be why she likes you,” the possibly-fake man lashed back. “You know, some of us thought that you getting mysteriously rewound fifteen years might not be a bad thing. That it might mean you weren’t quite so arrogant, judgemental, self-satisfied, or narrow-minded. We thought you might have gotten a second chance.” “I have got a second chance, Mr Visionary,” Epitome told him. “I’m back as a probationary member of your team, pending determination of my future status as an operative of the U.S. government and the restructuring of the Office of Paranormal Security.” “Yeah, I heard the Epitome Division got trashed.” “Some elements within the administration felt that my debility offered an opportunity to pursue their own agendas and eliminate perceived rival bureaucracies.” “Bad News Herb had it in for you, you mean?” “Mr Garrick was amongst those who arranged the dismantling of the Epitome Division, yes,” Clancy admitted. “He was apparently rather disturbed when Ms St Clare informed him of my reassociation with the Lair Legion.” “And you’ve not come back to us just because you’re lacking any other power-base to exploit and you need access to our information and resources to make your next play to push forward a radical government agenda?” Vizh suggested. Epitome’s ‘useless’ remarks still prickled. Epitome’s answer was interrupted by Sir Mumphrey’s door opening. “Hey, guys!” Yuki called. “Obi-Wan will see you now.” “Both of us?” Vizh frowned. “Please tell me he’s not putting Mr Epitome in the Juniors!” Sir Mumphrey rose to greet his new guests. “Ah, Visionary, Clancy, do come in. Just had a rather disturbin’ set of news reports, what?” Mr Epitome took the proffered dossier and speed read it with a grim expression. “Something needing the Lair Legion?” Visionary ventured. All he could see were logos of the major airways at the top of official forms. “You could say that,” Mr Epitome scowled at him. “One of your students has just declared war on the planet. Again.” “But it’s my first day back!” “Okay, Colonel Drury. I know you can hear me.” Since the face of Hacker Nine filled every monitor screen on the SPUD helicarrier and his voice boomed from every speaker it was a pretty fair bet. “Yeah, I kin hear you, you craw-chokin’ geekery-babblin’ zit-hoggin’ meganerd,” snarled back the Director of the Super-menace Principal Undercover Division. “Now get the hell outta my helicarrier an’ return control of it ta the guys whut know how ta actually fly 66,000 tons of top-secret weapons tech.” “Not until I find out what I want to know, Colonel. You’ve shut off the database I need access to.” “Right. That’s because we don’t give in to no terrorists, kid, specially them whut’s still in training diapers, no matter how good they are at getting’ past the finest firewalls ever designed on this planet.” “Well that’s up to you of course,” Zach Zelnitz told him, starting the helicarrier on a series of recurring loop-the-loops without the benefit of artificial gravity. “But just so you know, I’ve neutralised every air traffic control system in the world and every military computer in your country. So when you’ve rethought the whole dealing with terrorist thing let me know, okay? Bye.” Nats IV dived through the dimensional transfer portal, skidding across the floor of the Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises firehouse headquarters to slam into one of the steel support pillars. Then his head exploded. “Damn,” Al B. Harper exclaimed as Amy Aston sprayed the burning wreckage with fire foam. “I thought for a minute that one might work out.” “I think you made the robot too intelligent,” Miss Framlicker suggested, looking down at the sad remains of the android replacement for EEE’s flying delivery boy. “It could think and talk at the same time. That’s just not Nats.” “What did he have to go off and rule a hell-dimension for anyhow?” demanded Amy angrily. “We really need a whipping boy round here. I do not do coffee.” Al B. and Miss F really had to agree with that. “We could get interns for the coffee?” Miss Framlicker ventured. “I mean interns that aren’t Chad and Ronnie,” she added with a horrified shudder of memory. “We still need a delivery agent,” Al B. pointed out. “Our main operation is geared to transporting materials via a carrier who delivers them in person. Who’d have thought it was so hard to replace Nats?” “Not me,” admitted Amy fervently. “But I’m still finding faeces from when we sacked Fitz the Barnstorming Monkey.” “He was too intelligent to replace Nats as well,” Miss F suggested. “There’s several species of slime-mould that would be too intelligent.” “I could try another Natsbot,” Al B. offered. “If I quarter the processing capacity again…” “What about your little friend Yuki Shiro?” Amy suggested. “She seems plenty dumb enough.” “Yuki’s just restarting her detective business,” the archscientist answered. “She and DBS are checking properties and stuff.” “So that’s what the kids are calling it these days,” smirked Miss Framlicker. “Nah, it’s not like that. Josh is just taking care of her.” Miss F and Amy smirked. “Josh has turned over a new leaf. He’s being really restrained and sensible these days,” Al B. insisted. “Even Hatman approved of him. For maybe 2.5 seconds.” “What about Goldeneyed?” Amy suggested. “He can teleport anyhow and he’s not exactly the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.” “Ah,” Miss Framlicker winced. “G-Eyed has subbed for Nats before. I think his phrase to me was ‘Not again in a million, billion years you evil, controlling, manipulative witch’. Or something like that.” “You’ve got to admire his grasp of people’s characters though,” pointed out Amy. “The Shoggoth?” suggested Al. “That’s if I can just completely redesign all our equipment to cope with his additional dimensions and discover a half dozen more fundamental laws.” “CrazySugarFreakBoy!?” Amy suggested. “I mean, I know he says he’s a student, but I never see him studying.” “So he might actually be a student,” admitted Miss F. “Hey, what about Visionary? He’s pretty much surplus isn’t he?” “Vizh is back with the Juniors,” Al B. informed them. “As of today.” “So like I said…” Miss Framlicker repeated. Visionary sat in his empty classroom and stared at the desks. He toyed with the register then marked big red crosses next to the names of all his students. “Where is everybody?” asked Asil, peeking her head round the door of the training room. “Aren’t the Juniors supposed to be having their first lesson with you again this morning.” “They didn’t come,” Vizh replied. “They’re all playing truant.” “Why those ungrateful children!” Asil snorted. “Do they not understand the privilege they are being offered, having the opportunity to study at the feet of a Great Man?” “I guess not,” Visionary sighed. Asil took a closer look at her idol. “You don’t seem very upset,” she noted. “In fact…” “What?” Vizh asked innocently. “Vizh, did you perhaps hint to the Juniors that Hacker Nine was in a whole world of trouble, and that everybody from the Lair Legion to the OCP, to SPUD, to FMRC, to Sentinoid Control was looking for him, and that it might be a good thing if his friends ran off and found him first and stopped him being stupid?” “The Juniors aren’t here,” Vizh repeated neutrally. “They’re playing truant again.” Asil’s face broke into a big, beaming grin. “You are a Great Man!” she told Visionary.” “You know, I can respect Colonel Drury,” Hacker Nine’s voice echoed through the elevator compartment as it hurtled up and down its shaft at a hundred miles an hour. “He’s crusty and rude but at least he’s not stupid enough to get into a computer-controlled lift while a super-hacker is on the prowl.” “I’ll have you executed for this, you little punk!” Herbert P. Garrick hissed, wiping the vomit off his new suit. “When I get out. I’ll have you dissected!” “And I’m playing so nicely, Herb. Really I am. I didn’t shut down flight control until all the planes were on the ground. I used the proper sleep codes on your failsafe nuclear missiles so they didn’t detonate. And when I distributed the security files of your government’s cabinet across the internet I made sure the photos weren’t available to minors. Plus, I haven’t disabled the safety interlocks on this elevator car. Yet.” “You’ve gone too far this time. The Lair Legion can’t save you now! You’re dead!” Garrick threatened. “Then I have nothing to lose, do I, Herb?” Zach Zelnitz pointed out. The car shuddered to a sudden halt at the top of its shaft. “So tell me, Herbert… Where is Lindy Wilson?” “Lindy Wilson?” Fashion Accessory asked. “This is about Lindy?” “What else would it be?” Ham-Boy suggested. “Ever since Falcon left the LL and went on that deep undercover mission with Pigeon, Lindy’s been shunted round all kinds of SPUD safe houses. She asked Zach to be patient, and they’ve been communicating via e-mail and stuff.” “Twould explain why yon Hacker 9 doth dissapeareth at 9pm every night to have some aloneth time with his data pad.” “I thought that was just him being ordinarily geeky,” Kerry admitted. “But I guess if he was looking for the cyber-sex…” “Zach is very fond of Lindy,” Glory growled. “If anything has happened to her he will be quite upset.” “True,” admitted Kerry. “Prevent-all-international-travel-and-bring-the-world’s-military-to-a-halt upset. You have to respect that.” “I don’t think the government’s going to respect it,” Ham-Boy pointed out. “We have to stop him before this goes too far.” “It is likely that Hacker Nine will be imprisoned in a secure facility such as Guantanamo Bay for the rest of his life,” Glory warned. “Unless his acts are deemed capital crimes under the new anti-terror legislation. Mr Epitome is very annoyed.” “Okay, so we need to find geek-boy before all the superheroes and intelligence agencies of the world,” Kerry summarised. “And we need to get to him. And we need to stop him.” “I art willing to smite yon Zach,” Harlagaz offered. “If ‘twill helpeth him, I wilt smitheth him daily.” “You got some kind of plan, Kare?” FA asked. “Please tell me it doesn’t involve large explosions.” Glory was puzzled. “But it is a Kerry plan,” she pointed out. Hallie had a headache. “I’m okay,” she told the solicitous Sir Mumphrey Wilton in the Mansion’s Operations Room. “I’m just multi-tasking a lot. The main computers are still in diagnostic mode from whatever H9 did to them, the little punk, and I’m having to act as navigation and flight computers for the LairJets and provide operating systems for the satellite sensors and try and unscramble Zach’s personal files for clues about where he’s gone and what he’s up to.” “Good show,” the leader of the Lair Legion told her. “Best traditions of the regiment and all that.” “Things are calming down on the Candian border.” Amber St Clare reported. “As soon as Hatman, Dancer, Epitome, and De Brown Streak arrived the Candians decided it was time to end their military training exercise and go home. Um, I had to agree to another diplomatic exchange visit with their superhero team though, in a week or two’s time.” “As long as the situation’s defused,” Mumphrey replied. “What about down south?” “Who’d have thought that Mexico would invade Texas?” Amber exclaimed. “Yo, CSFB!, Trickshot, and the Shoggoth are on it now.” “Reconquering Texas,” Hallie sighed. “I don’t suppose Lisa’s had any luck summonsing Zelnitz?” Amber wondered. “Shielded,” Mumphrey replied. “Lad knows what he’s doing. He knows what Hallie can do too, and how to hide from her.” “Little punk,” the A.I. breathed. The Librarian hurried into the Operations Room carrying a half-dismantled hard drive attached to some of the strange advanced data extraction equipment from the Lunar Public Library. It looked like the metal box was covered in origami. “I’ve managed to find the last file Zelnitz looked at,” he announced. “Hallie, can you project it on screen?” Hallie obliged. Dear Zach, Sorry to write to you like this. I really don’t think this is working out. We don’t have that much in common except a liking for breaking into government secret headquarters. And I’ve met somebody out here, somebody more my own age and IQ level. Please don’t be upset. We had some great, fun times together but it wasn’t meant to be. We’ll always be good friends, okay? Please forgive me. xx Lindy “Ouch,” winced Amber St Clare. “It’s no big deal,” Fashion Accessory explained. “Visionary told us to do it. Homework.” “You have to do a planetwide sweep for localised passive tachyon surges?” Miss Framlicker asked sceptically. “We’re doing a project,” Ham-Boy joined in. “We’ve made a folder and everything.” “I am going to do a Powerpoint presentation,” Glory woofed; and she meant every word of it. Getting EEE to recalibrate the Lair Legion’s worldwide satellite sensor array would be very interesting. “It’s a fascinating technical challenge,” Al B. Harper admitted, chomping down on his bubble pipe and unconsciously reaching for the nearest keyboard. “I mean, how localised are we talking about?” “Well,” Kerry smiled winningly – a dynamite smile – “What we’re supposed to do is locate a tachyon surge somewhere on Earth, and then get transported to it right away. You guys have got teleport stuff here in the junk-cave, right?” “Expensive teleport stuff,” Miss F pointed out. “We’re on a budget, you know.” “I can see that,” FA agreed, staring at Amy Aston’s grubby bib overall. “Vizh said not to worry about the expense,” Kerry assured the EEE administrator. “He said to bill him personally.” “Really?” yipped Glory. “He is a very generous teacher.” “Canst yon mechanisms locate yon thing that we art supposed to smite?” Harlagaz demanded. “You can’t smite a tachyon surge, big guy.” Ham-Boy pointed out. “Yea verily I wilt strive to the uttermost,” the demihemigod of thunder pointed out. Al B. pushed away the console with a satisfied smile. “Recalibration’s done, but I’m not picking up any transient surges.” “Well, you wouldn’t yet,” Kerry noted. “Nothing that uses tachyon interfaces to interact with remote computer systems has yet overheated and exploded, wherever it is. Um, can you set the teleport up to get us to wherever it is when it happens. Er, whatever it is.” “Hacker Nine uses a tachyon interface comm-pad when he’s messing with other people’s computers, doesn’t he?” Miss Framlicker asked suspiciously. “Very rare equipment.” “But delicate,” Kerry assured her. “Flammible.” And she concentrated very hard. “We have your surge!” Al B. reported, pointing to his monitor screen. “Looks like Little Rock, Arkansas.” “Then get us there to smite this rock forthwith!” demanded Harlagaz. “That’s weird,” Hallie frowned. “Al B.’s just overridden our satellite array to locate transient tachyon signatures and has located one in Arkansas. Now why would he do that?” “Because he’s a wildly eccentric loose cannon with no purpose in life but to cause me administrative nightmares?” suggested Amber St Clare. “And what would cause a transient tachyon burst like that?” Hallie continued. “Oh!” “What, m’dear?” Sir Mumphrey demanded. “Hacker Nine’s interface pad. If it overloaded… it uses passive tachyon transmissions…!” She looked up in triumph. “The little punk’s in Little Rock!” “Get Lisa and Visionary in a LairJet now,” Sir Mumphrey ordered. “Right now!” SPUD’s safe house in Little Rock, Arkansas was a complete shambles. The New Tomorrow XL mk XI defence robots were bent into interesting sculptures, or torn apart in angry jaws, or wrapped in thick aluminium mesh fabrics, or clogged with meat products; those that hadn’t just caught fire and exploded, that is. “Zach, you huge imbecile!” Fashion Accessory called as they broke into the commend centre. “What the hell do you think you are doing?” “Zach?” Lindy Wilson asked nervously, standing beside the tazered slumped forms of the site security staff. “What makes you think Zach’s here?” “It’s okay Lindy,” Hacker Nine sighed, coming out of hiding in the kitchen. “I knew when my console blew that the game was up.” “He didn’t mean any harm,” the pretty black girl told the Juniors. “He just wanted to see me.” “And now he must be smitethed forthwith,” Harlagaz declared. He had fixed ideas on mission parameters. Kerry snorted. “Hold that thought, big guy. Zach, do you know how much trouble you are in right now? Do you?” “I don’t care,” H9 told them. He’d been crying, and he was trying to hide it. “I don’t care about anything.” Lindy looked on the edge of tears too. “It’s my fault,” she said. “I should have found a better way to… explain things to Zach.” “Explain things?” Ham-Boy puzzled. “What things?” Fashion Accessory caused his cowl to tighten to shut him up. “Ah,” she said. “A dear Zach letter?” Lindy nodded miserably. “He’s a great guy. We’ll always be friends.” “Ouch,” Ham-Boy winced, catching on at last. “Verily,” cringed Harlagaz. “Be of good cheer,” the demihemigod called, clapping H9 painfully on the shoulder. “I shalt not smite thee most wrothfully till later.” “I am the world’s biggest dweeb,” Zach told them. “I know I am.” “Well, there’s always Ham-Boy,” FA consoled him. “It’s not you, Zach. It’s me,” said Lindy. “Don’t be upset. Things will get better.” The back wall of the safe house collapsed. “No,” said Exemplary, striding forward to take custody of Hacker Nine. “It won’t.” “Don’t tell me,” Ham-Boy called out. “I know this one!” “Exemplary,” growled Glory, positioning herself between the government black operative and Hacker Nine, the fur on her neck standing completely upright. “He is a very dangerous, bad man.” “That felon is now under arrest, in government custody, kiddies,” Exemplary warned the Juniors. “Get in my way and you can join him in a lifetime of hell.” Harlagaz got in the way. “I think not,” the prince of Ausgard declared. Exemplary hit him, using his control of bio-fields to amplify his blow so that Harlagaz doubled over and crashed back through another of the tottering safe house walls. As the other Juniors rushed in he twisted his hand and sent them all twitching and writhing to the floor, their bio-fields sizzling. Except Glory, who got within inches of the agent’s throat. As it was, she only got her teeth into his arm before she too was pounded flat onto the ground. “Heh. Epitome’s dog,” Exemplary grinned, stamping down with a rib-shattering boot. Except Glory wasn’t there. Glory wasn’t anywhere in sight. “You!” Visionary warned the black ops agent. “Back away from the kids. Right now!” Exemplary sneered at the Junior’s teacher. He’d read his file. “These individuals are aiding and abetting a most wanted traitor, an international terrorist who I am taking into custody, using appropriate force. How do you plan to stop me, fake man?” “Using appropriate force,” Visionary warned him. “Back away.” The man in grey laughed in his face. “Hacker Nine is mine. Go play with your superhero friends and pretend you count for something.” “Hacker Nine?” Vizh answered. “You mean my student Zachary Zelnitz? But he’s not here.” Exemplary looked around. The other Juniors were still twitching on the floor. Hacker Nine had vanished as Glory did. Visionary moved to stand between the g-man and the Juniors. “There are some nasty rumours going around that Zach did something with computer hacking today, but no proof it really was him. And since I can pretty much vouch for him being with me the whole time until I came here, I can only assume some evil villain tried to frame him. Or maybe it was a government conspiracy?” Exemplary towered over the possibly-fake man. “You’re trying to give Zelnitz an alibi.” “He was with me all morning,” Vizh replied. “With me and the King of the Sea Monkeys, the President of Badripoor, the ruler of Ausgard, and the CEO of Bautista Enterprises. So for the last time, back away from my students.” Exemplary wasn’t impressed. “That Waltz bitch is with you, isn’t she, summonsing the dog and the boy away while you distract me? Well I don’t play games like that, so I’m just going to hurt your precious little darlings until you produce Zelnitz, and if that doesn’t work then I’m going to hurt you.” The man in grey twitched his hand to send spasms of pain through the fallen Juniors. Visionary had warned him. The winged dagger flew from his pocket and buried itself into Exemplary’s chest. “What?” gasped the agent as he staggered backwards, clutching at his wound. Sjelknuser, the enchanted winged paper knife that Visionary had received as a gift from Donar a few weeks ago, fluttered away and perched on a beam, chittering to itself happily. “I said,” Visionary repeated himself for the last time, “back away from the Juniors.” “Right,” said Hallie disapprovingly. “I’ve created the cover story. It was a rogue timed failsafe attack from an old Baron Zemo system that went amuck, masquerading as Hacker Nine. H9 and the Juniors assisted the Lair Legion in locating and neutralising the menace. It won’t happen again.” “Thanks Hallie,” Vizh told his A.I. friend. “And did Drury buy that?” “Not for a minute. But he can’t prove anything, and neither can Garrick’s special commission.” She glared across at Hacker Nine. “I’m really sorry,” the young man said. He looked so crestfallen and utterly desolate that Hallie had to relent. “It’s been a bad months for relationships,” Fashion Accessory pointed out. “If this keeps up we’ll have to devote an entire wing just for the broken hearted. We can have Donar and Gaz sighing about Ausgard, and Uhuna weeping for Nats, and H9 here moping for the lost Lindy…” “I think we’ve all learned some valuable lessons here today,” Vizh cut in, with a sense of when to head off another Juniors bickering session. “Yeah. Like sometimes when you say back off, you mean back off,” Kerry grinned. “The best thing about you is that though you are a freakazoid dweebus, you have moments of absolute coolness. Not every often mind you, but just sometimes.” She hugged her guardian and slipped a small bundle of firecrackers into his pocket. “And the day’s not a total loss,” Ham-Boy pointed out as Vizh leaped up and down and put his coat out. “Hey, I even got offered a job by EEE. I get minimum wage and everything.” “And you’re worth every penny,” FA assured him. Asil popped her head around the door again. “Visionary, everybody. Sir Mumphrey would like to see you all in his office. He said right now.” Then Visionary realised that this was only his first day back. Next Time: The Lair Legion seen through the eyes of a very special visitor. Our prologue for the Undercover Untold Tales arc has an unexpected narrator. The intrigue begins in Untold Tales of the Lair Legion: Dear Diary, or Fighting Evil And Smiting The Ungodly On My Holidays, online just as soon as a reasonable number of people have responded to this chapter. Tis Better To Have Footnoted and Lost Than Never To Have Footnoted at All: Hacker Nine (Zach Zelnitz) a.k.a. "That Little Punk" (© Visionary 2004) is an urban anarchist from Technopolis, a futuristic city in another dimension. Unlike his peers however, young Zelnitz has few violent tendencies, but rather a mischievous anarchistic streak that expresses itself in social disorder and bizarre artistic creations. Given H9’s ability to interfere with any kind of computer system this can be rather disruptive in a quiet, well-ordered society. Able to hack into any kind of computer system with ease, H9 amused himself and spawned a whole subculture with his acts of artistic outrage. Until recently he was assumed dead, and before that he featured in the ten most wanted lists of international law enforcement agencies. Now he’s under the protection of the Lair Legion, but this chapter marks his return to infamy and offers the reason why so many world governments want him dead. Mr Epitome (Dominic Clancy) was attacked by his former girlfriend, the Idiom, using a M/ELTZER ray that wiped fifteen years of his memories, preventing him from carrying out plots that she felt would destroy him as a hero. Nobody is yet aware of why or how Epitome has been altered, but his diminished experience and mental acuity have forced – or allowed - his superiors to sideline him for the moment. This chapter marks Epitome’s official return to the LL roster. Visionary was temporarily replaces as the Junior Lair Legion’s principal tutor by CrazySugarFreakBoy! while the possibly-fake man suffered serious health problems and faced allegations of sexual misconduct in Visionary and the Heart of Darkness. This chapter marks Visionary’s official return as headmaster. Heh. Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises, Al B. Harper and Miss Framlicker’s high-science delivery and exploration company, lost its delivery boy when Nats accidentally became ruler of a hell-plane and jilted his fiancée Uhuna at the altar to dwell in the abyssal realm. This chapter marks Ham-Boy’s recruitment to the happy EEE team. He needs the money to pay college tuition. Lindy Wilson is the little sister of Sam (Falcon) Wilson, and is in the SPUD relocation programme while her brother (her legal guardian) is on a deep-cover long term mission. She first met and went out with Hacker Nine in My First Big Felony. This chapter marks the end of that relationship. Perhaps. Exemplary, formerly agent and enforcer of a faction of the secret Shadow Cabinet, is a confident bastard in a neat grey business suit. He controls bio-fields, the aura of organising energy that surrounds all living beings, which means he can use it to hurt people or control them. He can use the same gifts to ramp his own strength and other physical abilities to Epitome-class levels. He has recently been recruited by The Grey Eminence to work with the Office of Paranormal Security. Sjelkniser (Soulcrusher) is a small flying Ausgardian paperknife, gifted by Donar to Visionary in Emoh Aloneth. This chapter marks the first time Visionary has used him. The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom Who's Who in the Parodyverse Where's Where in the Parodyverse Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2005 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2005 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. |
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