#250: Untold Tales of the Junior Lair Legion: So You Say You Want a Graduation? or School’s Out For Summer

Post By The Hooded Hood celebrates 250 issues of Untold Tales with the longest chapter to date. The epilogue is the length of a normal chapter. Sorry. Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 05:42:22 pm EST	Subject #250: Untold Tales of the Junior Lair Legion: So You Say You Want a Graduation? or School’s Out For Summer

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#250: Untold Tales of the Junior Lair Legion: So You Say You Want a Graduation? or School’s Out For Summer

Previously: The Order of the Observing Eye’s trials of neophyte superheroes on Monstrous Isle has gone very wrong. Surviving giant electricity-breathing lizards and volcanic instability the surviving youngsters are split into unlikely teams, each with their own agenda. Young Heckfire have captured Hacker Nine and are using him to take down the defensive force fields around the island so that the Parody Master’s forces can capture and convert the young people present. The New Battlers seek to steal the Order’s biometric database that allows reproduction of the super-powers it monitors. The scattered Juniors are trying to thwart both.

Meanwhile, the Lair Legion launches an all-out assault on the Order for their coercion of students to participate, and their occasional destruction of failures. Visionary and Hallie struggle at the Tokyo Hyatt reception lounge to pull the young people from Monstrous Island before worse disasters befall. And Xander the Improbable has taken young elementalist Liu Xi Xian all the way to the distant Skunk Homeworld on a mysterious mission of his own.

A cast list of the Junior teams is available here. Other cast and locations are at Who's Who in the Parodyverse and Where's Where in the Parodyverse. Previous chapters are found on The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom.

***

    The LairJet slid to a halt in the main courtyard of the Monastery of the Observing Eye after demolishing the perimeter walls and crashing through the outer buildings. Behind and above it the livid rainbow swirl of the dimensional vortex in which the stronghold hung wheeled and heaved.
    The monks of the Order wasted no time in dealing with the intrusion. They directed the energy-wielders amongst their current students to destroy the vehicle, and watched in satisfaction as it exploded in flames.
    They were less happy when two figures strolled out of the conflagration, shielded within a force field that absorbed energy. A quick classification designated one of the intruders as being symbiotically linked with an energy-controlling fern. The other was a mythological being in the Ragnarok Class danger classification.
    “Don’t forget where we parked, Greek Guy” spiffy told Donar.
    “Most verily,” agreed the Ausgardian hemigod of thunder. “Tis a pyre most fitting to pile yon enemies upon.”
    That comment hadn’t yet come up in class, and the students looked at one another nervously as the enemy approached. The big, bearded one was smiling as he hefted his baseball-bat-with-a-nail-in-it.
    “In case you guys are wondering,” spiffy said, demonstrating why conventional martial arts aren’t that effective against a fast-growing head-fern that doesn’t have pressure points, “we’re here because you decided to mess with my old buddies and team-mates in the Junior Lair Legion.”
    “Also,” added Donar helpfully, smiting the front rank of strength-enhanced combat students through the refectory wall, “it might helpeth to know that we art the Senior Lair Legion, and have come forsooth to lodge a complaint.”
    He lodged a few complaints into the pavement then stepped over them towards the telepaths. The espers looked into his mind and fled.
    “See, it was unethical to force the Juniors into your trial contest,” spiffy explained, redirecting the absorbed force of the LairJet explosion to short out the cadre of Skree armoured troopers racing in on him. “It was even worse to do it so you could copy their biometric readings to replicate them into your obedient puppet students later.”
    Donar muttered something and suddenly the monastery asteroid shook as the interdimensional storm whipped the Vortex’s turbulence even higher. “And then thou didst faketh yon technical mishap so that yon students might be wipethed out and leavest thou a free hand to clone their replacements,” he accused. “So now thou must be slain most grievously for the nonce.”
    “Or at least,” spiffy concluded, allowing his fern to dig taproots deep into the rock on which the monastery was founded, “kicked from here to the Dreary Dimension. So hi. We’re the Lair Legion, and we’ve come to ruin your day!”

***

    Kaibutsu Shima was washed by dawn’s light, a shining green cone in a shimmering blue sea. The island had been selected long ago as the genetic breeding place of experimental combat beasts for a forgotten war between the Abhumans and the Deviates. Now all that remained were the monsters, bound to the island by residual behavioural modification instincts; and two days past several young metahuman teams had been sent to Monstrous Isle for their annual competence testing.
    When the trials has gone wrong, the technology that automatically transported the contestants from harm had failed too. Now those who would otherwise have died were trapped mid-teleport, dependent on the system’s continuing operation to keep them alive.
    “My modification,” Blatant Genius told Hacker Nine. “Brilliant, yes?”
    H9 shrugged as he tinkered with the computer systems in the Order of the Observing Eye’s monitor control room atop the island’s volcano summit. “They let you do it,” he concluded.
    “What?” blinked Rupert van Meer. “What do you mean?”
    Zack Zelnitz pointed to some of the hexadecimal code on the screen. “Look at it. If that’s not a deliberate loophole to exploit then I don’t know what is. And see the time stamp on the upgrade? That loophole was patched in this time round. It wasn’t there for previous trials.”
    “That’s impossible,” objected Blatant Genius. “I mean…”
    Lord and Master stepped forward. “Are you saying that the Order allowed us to corrupt their teleport exfiltration program?” he demanded.
    H9 shrugged again. “Maybe they wanted to have a real trial this time?” he suggested. “If so, they probably did a deal with Genius Boy here to set it up. See this part here?”
    “What deal?” demanded Blatant Genius. “You’re just making all of this up.”
    “Back door key,” Hacker Nine went on. “It’d allow anybody to just break through into this system if they knew the code. Looks like that’s how your geekfest champion got into the program. Someone had already showed him how.”
    Alpha Dude turned on van Meer. “Is that it? Did you sell us out, you little dweeb?”
    “Can’t you see that he’s just making this up?” demanded Blatant Genius, getting agitated. “He’s a hacker. He could have put that backdoor in himself just now and made it look as if it was there all along. He’s just trying to sow seeds of dissention amongst us, that’s all!”
    Zack waved insolently at Young Heckfire. “I could be,” he admitted.
    “Never mind all of this,” Black Princess snapped. “Zelnitz, we instructed you to power down the dimensional barriers preventing access to this place. Have you done so, or do we have to start hurting your girlfriend?”
    Lindy Wilson, Falconne, was shackled in the corner. She’d more or less shaken off the psychotropic fear that Lord and Master had inflicted on her last night, and now she was glowering at everyone with equal hatred.
    “It’s mostly done,” H9 replied. “But it’s a three stage process.”
    “There aren’t three stages,” Blatant Genius contradicted. “He’s lying again.”
    “You can’t power down a defence shield like this as simply as flipping off a light switch,” Zack explained. “There’s two elements. First there’s the generated field. That takes time to decay, hours at least. So I’ve shut off the generators and it’ll be weakening even as we speak. Then there’s part two, which is to cancel the modulation code that tells that field what its supposed to keep out, to make the field collapse quicker. That’s very simple, but I won’t be doing that until we’re ready for part three.”
    “And what is part three?” demanded Lord and Master.
    “That’s the part where you let Lindy go. Let her run for it, and when she’s safe I do part two.”
    “That’s pretty clever,” Alpha Dude admitted. “I still say we keep this guy and rip van Meer’s head off for being a betraying little bastard.”
    Privilege considered this. “I could make that program stop now,” she noted. “One of my exception coins could do it. So really we don’t need either of them. We could take them both down and give them to the Parody Master when he comes.”
    “To the who?” demanded Zack Zelnitz.
    “Oh, didn’t we mention that?” smirked Lord and Master. “We’re selling this entire island and everybody on it to the future ruler of the Parodyverse.”

***

    “What the heck’s that noise?” complained Beanie, clutching his hat down over his ears. “Is there like some kind of fire alarm of something?”
    Fly Girl leaped out of the way of the senior recruit teams storm-trooping down the corridor. “This is not a drill,” she warned.
    “Actually it’s the invasion bell,” Glitch explained. “The Monastery is under attack.”
    Artermis tried to look casual and sidled away to pick up her bow and arrows.
    “Attack by what?” Cody Harper demanded. “Do we need to do something before we’re eaten by Hero Feeders or stuff?”
    “There’s a lot of sub-etheric chatter,” Glitch picked up. She glanced at Cody. “But it’s all encrypted.”
    “Put it on speaker,” the young man replied. His gift was to translate any language. “I might as well give it a try.”
    The green and orange robot activated her audio equipment. “…grooves like a man, everybody’s talkin’ ‘bout him, Stan Lee’s Spider…” Then there was a crackling sound. “Oops,” Glitch apologised. “Sorry, that was still in the buffer from earlier. Here’s the messages.”
    Cody concentrated, frowning to pick apart the micro-speed burst encryptions. “Okay,” he said, “they’re pretty agitated. They’re planning to use some Emergency Sanctions. They’re being invaded by… the Lair Legion?”
    “That’d be about right,” agreed Artemis, striding back into the room. “I smuggled a couple of them in earlier, so they could take this place down.”
    “The Lair Legion are running a protection racket?” Beanie boggled.
    “The Lair Legion is stopping an organisation that uses coercion to bring young metahumans under its control,” Charlotte Ouk replied. “This Order, it’s not always nice.”
    “So you just come in here and bust the place up?” Cody challenged.
    Glitch shrugged. “It’s the Paradopolis way. They put one of you in the hospital, you put one of them in the morgue.”
    “You mentioned Emergency Sanctions,” Artemis said urgently. “What are they?”
    “And I’m helping you because?” demanded Cody.
    “Because your dad is probably here, and you don’t want him to get killed,” the young archer snapped.
    “He is?” blinked Cody Harper. “I don’t?”
    “Is there a way for us to get out of here?” worried Fly Girl. “I don’t like how the whole Monastery is shaking.”
    “Sure,” agreed Artemis. “With the Lair Legion. So really you’d better decide what side you’re on, hadn’t you?”
    “Well I’ve been bored here for a while,” admitted Glitch. “Sign me up for the revolution.”
    Cody hissed through his teeth. “Okay, I’ll help you. But only because these Emergency Sanctions seem to involve sterilising the Monastery of all human life and starting again.”
    “All human life,” complained Glitch. “That is so…”
    “Right, everybody with me,” Artemis interrupted. “We have to warn the Lair Legion. Unfortunately”
    “Unfortunately?” echoed Fly Girl.
    Charlotte swallowed. “My guardian kind of doesn’t know I’m here,” she admitted.

***

    The highest summit of Monstrous Island poked up through the forest canopy and kept on rising, all the way up to the clouds. This morning the white cumulo-nimbus was stained grey by the angry black belching from the uneasily-stirring bole of the volcano.
    “Your doing, Firecracker?” wondered Danny Lyle as they pressed their way out of the tangled undergrowth and began to claim the pumice cliffs towards the summit.
    “Maybe,” shrugged Kerry Shepherdson, the probability arsonist. “Sometimes my moods affect the stuff around me.” She glanced at the leather-jacketed teen from Young Heckfire. “Lately I’ve been having a lot of moods.”
    “Oh, I noticed,” Danny agreed fervently. “And right now you’re feeling like risking everybody’s lives in a dangerous cliff climb up to the Order’s command and control monitoring centre there near the top of this volcano.”
    “I’m doing what’s right,” Kerry insisted. “I’m going up there to save my friends and to stop your pervy vicious team from doing whatever sick treacherous thing they want the control room for, okay? And you promised to help me.”
    “For a price, yeah,” agreed Denial with a grin.
    “Yeah, for a price,” acknowledged Kerry. “So come on. No rescue, no dream date.”
    “You sound like you’ve done this deal before.”
    “Well maybe I have.”
    “But you told me before that you were a virgin.”
    “What? When did I tell you that?”
    “When you were squirming about under my bedclothes back at my flat, begging me to join you. You were very tempting.”
    “Well, if I am, it’s purely temporary,” Kerry assured him fiercely. “Now get climbing.”
    Semi-Transparent Lad broke out of the forest behind them. “Hey wait,” he called. “What about the Cho Cho Futago?”
    Kerry and Danny halted. “They’re very nice,” Denial assured him. “I especially like the fact they only have one shirt between them.”
    “Because of your team-mate Lord and so-called Master,” hissed Kerry.
    “Hey, I stopped him, okay,” Danny bickered back.
    The butterfly twins limped from the forest, gamely trying to keep up despite their cut feet wrapped in the remains of Ben Hermes’ pants legs. “Do not let us slow you down,” Tei-Chan called. “We will follow you as fast as we can.”
    “They’re going to get cut to shreds unprotected on those rocks,” STL objected. “We have to find somewhere safe for them to stay down here.”
    “Do not abandon us!” shrieked Maki-Chan. “We have no armour!”
    “Hey, I’m only wearing Fonzie-boy’s cast-offs,” Kerry pointed out. “And I’m going up there.”
    “You’re pretty special, Firecracker,” Danny smiled in reluctant admiration. “A force of nature in a plain white t-shirt. Possibly literally. But those two girls are almost dead on their feet. They’ve had a hard time.”
    “We’ll find somewhere for you to hide, away from the monsters,” Semi-Transparent Lad promised them. “And I’ll come back to get you afterwards.”
    “We will go on if we must,” Teiko insisted. “We are heroes too. We do not need the armour.”
    “We do,” admitted Makiko, “but we will go on if we must.” She bit back a sob and wiped tears from her grimy cheeks.
    Kerry saw they really were at the end of their resources. “Okay, you two are staying put,” she decided. “And STL with you.”
    “Hey, I can still go,” Ben Hermes objected. “I want to meet up with those bastards who hurt my team mates. Well actually I don’t want to meet up with them, but…”
    “Stay with the twins,” Kerry ordered. “Keep them safe. We’ll do what has to be done to cope with Danny’s super-friends, okay?” She pondered for a moment then added, “You, um, might want to move towards the coastline a little. Away from the volcano.”

***

    “You know,” called Goldeneyed, flashing across the room in a burst of teleportation energies to kick a monk down the stairs, “you guys have no idea…” he blinked out with an energy-staff-carrying combatant to drop him onto a pile of incoming students, “…how long I’ve been…” he landed atop another monk and flipped him right over into the Manga Shoggoth, “…waiting for this!” he concluded as he launched a straight left right into another of the oncoming Order.
    “Don’t get carried away,” warned Hatman, wearing his martial arts sweatband in the middle of the fray. “These guys train superheroes for a living. They’re not a pushover.”
    “Yeah,” agreed Trickshot, taking down another support wall for the team to push onwards, “but we’re the Lair Legion!”
    “He’s right,” grinned CrazSugarFreakBoy, silly stringing a huge cluster of monks together then heaving them into the next incoming telepath squad. “These guys have no chance!”
    “They do have a very small chance,” the Improbability Dancer said from amidst a crowd of tangled shapeshifters, “but it’s a statistically very small one right now.”
    “The enemy still have the numbers, equipment, and local knowledge,” Mr Epitome warned. “Nobody get sloppy. I mean more sloppy than usual.”
    “I can’t help it,” the Manga Shoggoth gurgled defensively. “When I replicate bioplasm this quickly in the Vortex it tends to come out a bit oozy. It could happen to anyone.”
    Yuki slid along on a trail of Shoggoth-goo and impacted with the largest remaining cluster of staff-wielding monks. “I didn’t read the bit in the Legion handbook that says we can’t have fun while we’re blatting the bad guys,” she objected.
    “Did you read any of the bits in the Legion handbook?” accused Hatman. “Hey, look out nine o’clock, incoming Naicluv psi-blades.”
    “On it,” CSFB! called. “For some reason my Go-Go Yo-Yo plays havoc with their finely-tuned mental weapons. Can’t think why.”
    “Plasma cannons!” Trickshot warned, collapsing the platform that the first of the weapons had been deployed on.
    “Malfunctioning, all of them,” Dancer assured her team-mates. There were a row of explosions as the equipment all backfired. “See?”
    Mr Epitome gathered up the wreckage into a very large bowling ball.
    “Go on,” Yuki dared him. “You know you want to.”
    The paragon of power swept his x-ray vision over the beleaguered monetary, calculating trajectories that would avoid killing people but cause maximum structural damage. Then he used his best baseball throw. He quickly suppressed a smile in case his team-mates realised he was enjoying himself.
    “We seem to be causing quite a stir,” noted the Manga Shoggoth as he dissolved yet more support columns and tumbled a section of the Monastery.
    “Keep moving,” called out Hatman. “Keep them busy. Keep them reacting. Keep them watching us.”
    Because only the Field Team of the Lair Legion were there in the middle of the battlefield.

***

    “We have intruders,” Alpha Dude warned Young Heckfire. He pointed to the monitor screens that showed the approaches to the C&C centre. “Two lots.”
    Hacker Nine tried to strain from where they’d chained him up beside Lindy. “Can you see who they’re talking about?” he demanded.
    “No,” answered the young black girl sullenly. “Why did you do what they told you to, Zack?”
    “Are you kidding?” Hacker Nine asked her. “You don’t know?”
    “We’re finished, Zack. Over. I’m sorry, but that’s how it is. You can’t win me back by saving me from Lord and Master.”
    “I know that, Lind. But I love you, so I had to do one last thing for you, okay? I had to set you free.”
    Falconne tugged at the chains Black Empress had shackled them with, or at least had made them think they were shackled with. “You call this free?”
    “You still think it’s a good idea to be part of their team? You think they’re what you want to be, how you’re going to make something of yourself?”
    “No. I see them as the shallow selfish creeps they are.”
    “Then you’re free.” That had been Zack’s plan all along.
    “So who’s coming to call?” demanded Lord and Master.
    Alpha Dude smirked. “Looks like it’s the New Battlers coming up the slope towards us, and some of the Juniors creeping along the track. The Battlers’ll be here first.”
    “Illusory landslide?” suggested Black Princess.
    “Gravity exception,” pleaded Privilege. “Oh please, I want to throw them into outer space!”
    “We could just use the observation point’s automated defences,” pointed out Blatant Genius.
    “Um no, you couldn’t” smirked Hacker Nine. “Really, believe me on this. Bad things will happen if you try.”
    “Crapsack knows that to do,” Crapsack announced, sloshing forward. “Crapsack knows how to deal with Crapsack’s enemies. Can he?”
    “Sure, Crappo,” snorted Lord and Master. “You crap on ‘em, loser. They deserve you.”
    “Crapsack. I am called Crapsack,” said Gnudier Lokotowicz. And suddenly he belched out and sprayed himself over the heads of each of Young Heckfire, covering them with his slimy bulk, cutting off their breathing, oozing down their throats, filling their lungs.
    He stood there holding his twitching team-mates in his grip until each of them stopped struggling and then withdrew his essence, leaving all of them unconscious on the floor.
    “Crapsack got a better offer from the New Battlers,” Gnudier Lokotowcz explained to H9 and Lindy.

***

    G. Matthew Summers had about had enough. “Okay, what the hell is going on?” he demanded angrily. “First you Order guys lost the video feed to the trial, now we’re getting students falling off the bio-monitors and the auto-recall teleport doesn’t seem to be delivering them here.”
    “There is no output signal from Giant Robot Six!” complained Professor Tofu. “Why not?”
    Deborah Blitzen of the Evolutionary Revolutionaries angrily agreed. “Where are my students?” she demanded. “What has become of them?” There was an edge of panic in her voice, and little sparks of lightning crackled across her fingers.
    “We’re working on it,” Goomtah of the Observing Eye assured her. “These are minor technical difficulties caused by some interference by some of the participants, but we…”
    “No, they’re not,” Hallie observed. The Lair Legion’s artificial intelligence had that faraway look on her face that she got when she was interfacing deep into the heart of some computer system. “This is deliberate. It was set up to allow the students to exploit loopholes planted in the system.”
    “Clever,” admitted Roni Y Avis. “Sneaky and clever.”
    Anna Salem, White Empress of the Heckfire Club wasn’t so impressed. “Are you saying that these little Order worms manipulated us? Manipulated me?”
    Goomtor snorted. “You have no conception of the importance of the work we undertake, or the things we have to do to bring it to its glorious fruition.”
    Vizh reached out to grab a monk’s throat again. “You have no conception of how much I don’t care. Let my students go!”
    The monk casually tossed the possibly fake man across the room. “Our great goal is more important than any group of students. Why can’t you people see that we are only doing what is necessary for the greater good?”
    Hallie discharged a part of her power supply through Goomtor. “This is for the greater good too,” she told him, “so I guess it must be alright.”
    The monk was staggered but not felled. Then Storm Trooper pointed her fingers and a far greater pulse of lighting crackled through him, sending him twitching and smoking to the ground. “Where are my students?” she demanded.
    Goombar decided this was too much. He reached for the emergency switch. Summers’ hand closed on his. “No,” said the FMRC tutor.
    “Hallie,” Vizh said, dragging himself up from the ground painfully and wrathfully. “Find out what’s going on!”

***

    “You may as well enter,” called out Ancient Goomtah, without even looking round at the intruders who had penetrated his Contemplation Garden. “The rose petal shrivels when the touch of frost paints the horizon.”
    “Well thanks for clearin’ that up, old chap,” agreed Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Jolly helpful. We’ve called for the data.”
    Ancient Goomtah wore only a loincloth, and his frail form hovered cross-legged three feet above his prayer mat. “The worm seeks the flesh of the dead, but is despised by the living,” he replied.
    “The worm doesn’t have state of the art tech-scanners though,” Al B. Harper pointed out. “I don’t suppose you have a 120v DC power supply here, do you, by the way?”
    Another two monks appeared from the shadows. One was the largest Observing Eye warrior the intruders has ever seen. Stripped to the waist except for his twin katanas he moved like a lithe cat. The other was the only monk they’d seen whose robes were made of silk. “The Revered Master ponders the mysteries of the universe,” said the silken one. “I am Master Gooblin, and you may offer your surrenders to me.”
    “Or else we have to get all sweaty and physical with the big guy here?” asked Lisa Waltz hopefully.
    “Hmph,” scowled Mumphrey, and froze time using his temporal pocketwatch.
    Adept Goombik moved forward with lightning speed, ignoring the temporal stasis and sweeping both blades from his back to orient on the leader of the Lair Legion. Somehow Lisa got in his way, her whip coiling neatly around one of his blades, her stiletto blocking his path.
    And then they became a blur of hands, feet, and weapons.
    “The Revered Master has shown us how to avoid simple time tricks,” Master Gooblin boasted.
    Goombik and Lisa stopped suddenly, both glaring intently at the other. Lisa was breathing hard but the Adept seemed as calm as stone.
    “He’s metahuman, by the way,” Al B. said helpfully, “in case you hadn’t figured it out.”
    “No matter what he is, he’s not going to stop us,” Sir Mumphrey declared. “These oiks have been stealin’ genetic information, playin’ God for generations, murderin’ their failures.” He glared at Gooblin and Ancient Goomtah. “We’re here to confiscate your database, sirrahs. Your interferin’ stops now.”
    “Did is not occur to you that we do greater good than ever we do ill?” demanded Master Gooblin. “We strive to ensure that life prevails after the coming Resolution War. We seek the survival of all. What sacrifice is too great for such a glorious goal?”
    “Well, killing innocents would be where I draw the line,” Lisa answered. “No, really, it would.”
    “But we protect innocents,” said Gooblin, slyly. “Even your innocent, Liza L Waltz.”
    The first lady of the Lair Legion looked up sharply. “What do you mean?”
    “The Golden Age dimension where your son lives in safety,” the monk suggested. “Whom do you think are the gatekeepers?” And he smiled unpleasantly. “I suggest you take your companions and leave now, Miss Waltz.”
    Lisa was as pale as a ghost. “You’re threatening my son?”
    Gooblin held his hands together as if in prayer. “He is perfectly safe,” he promised, “so long as we are.”
    Al B Harper made sure he wasn’t standing between Lisa and the monks. “The data nexus is in this room,” he reported. “I just can’t define where.”
    “Fools seek the gold in a golden dawn,” advised Ancient Goomtah, “but wise men see the opportunity of a new day.”
    “You’re threatening my son,” repeated Lisa.
    “Sound like it,” agreed Sir Mumphrey. “We can always come back later, I suppose,” he agreed reluctantly.
    “They’re threatening my son,” Lisa answered. “How dare you threaten my son?”
    “We have a higher calling,” Gooblin smirked. “We do what we must.”
    “Us too,” agreed Mumphrey, and shifted the floor beneath Adept Goombik’s feet thirty seconds into the future. The surprised Adept vanished through the sudden hole in the pavement. “Hah. More sophisticated time tricks still work then, I see.”
    Ancient Goomtah opened his hand and the three associate Legionnaires were all slammed to the wall by an invisible force.
    “Okay, so he’s the source of the data nexus,” choked Al B. “He is the personification of everything they’ve gathered.”
    “Higher calling,” snarled Lisa. “We’ll see about that! I summons the Booke of the Law!”

***

    A crackle of energies burst into the C&C room and formed up into the lithe shape of E-Male. He glanced down at the fallen Young Heckfire. “Not bad,” he congratulated Crapsack. “Nice work.”
    “Thank you. Crapsack enjoyed it. Crapsack really enjoyed it.”
    The other New Battlers came into the monitor room. “Hey, we have a couple of conscious ones,” Lounge Lizard noted. “The computer kid and his cutie.”
    “I’m not Zack’s girlfriend,” Falconne repeated angrily.
    “That’s right,” smirked Lounge Lizard. “You’re ours.”
    Wyrmbait kicked Black Empress in the stomach. “She’s not so hot,” she spat.
    “Crapsack heard that other Juniors are coming,” Crapsack warned. He pointed to the monitor screen.
    “Harlagaz, Glory, and those Caphan idiots,” Boy Wonder identified.
    “Dibs I get the Caphan chick,” Lounge Lizard called.
    “They’re almost here,” l’il Buttie noted. “We should prepare a proper reception for them.”
    “Throw the bodies of their dismembered team-mates out to distract them,” suggested Thunderstroke, who had more or less healed from the broken jaw that Harlagaz had inflicted on him and was ready for revenge.
    “I don’t like that idea,” H9 admitted. “And I only have one thing to say to it. Pacman!”
    “Pacman?” Lounge Lizard puzzled.
    But the codeword had done its work. The monitor screens fuzzed out.
    “Asteroids, Space Invaders, Zork” H9 went on. And now the defence systems of the monitor room jumped to life, with the room’s internal lasers playing across the chamber, sending the Battlers scattering.
    Zelnitz smirked. He grabbed Lindy’s hand. “How cool is it that I programmed this in while Blatant Genius was watching to check I didn’t do anything bad? Come on.”
    The illusionary handcuffs had vanished when Black Empress had passed out. Falconne allowed herself to be dragged towards the door. “The lasers will kill us!” she shrieked.
    “Nah, they’re on non-lethal and I told them not to target us two,” H9 explained.
    Then E-Male flashed and shorted out the defence lasers. Crapsack oozed across and mired the escapees feet just inches from the exit door.
    “Nice try,” admitted L’il Buttie. “Ripper, eat them.”
    The Apocalyspian warhound bounded forward, jaws apart.
    Glory the mutt of might slammed into him with tank-shattering force, a primal growl in her throat, her hackles straight up on her neck. Harlagaz Donarson followed her into the room, dropping Lounge Lizard and L’il Buttie with two angry blows before piling into a close clinch with Thunderstroke.
    E-Male oriented on the two Caphans who brought up the rear. He transformed to lightning and streaked towards them with lethal force.
    Prince Kiivan of Caph held out his plas gar and caught the charge on his blade. “We elect to use historic weapons for honour’s sake,” he explained as the rapier crackled with E-Male’s power, “but that doesn’t mean we don’t improve them a little.” The force coil inside the sword’s hilt captured the radiant energies lancing through it and contained them, so that when Kiivan flicked his blade away E-Male was sent spinning into the computer banks, stunned and human.
    Wyrmbait launched explosive spines from her tail. Ohanna caught them with the tip of her own rapier, allowing its localised force deflection screens to turn the explosion back. She said nothing. She cartwheeled over and slashed Wyrmbait right across the face with one of her ceremonial daggers.
    Boy Wonder tagged Harlagaz from behind with a sonic screamer to the neck, sending twenty thousand decibels of white sound into the demihemigod’s skull, dropping him to his knees at Thunderstroke’s mercy. Crapsack rose up to enshroud Kiivan and Ohanna, chuckling at how easy it was to drown even royalty in excrement.
    Ripper clamped down on Glory, shaking her bloody frame as if she was a rat.
    E-Male staggered up from the wrecked computer station. “Kill them all!” he commanded.
    The volcano shuddered again. And somewhere in the hindmost part of his reptilian brain, the island’s largest monster felt a genetically-planted instinct to come and defend his home from these dangerous intruders. The two hundred foot lizard roared angrily and began to stamp towards the hidden base.

***

    “They’re calling out the heavy squad!” Trickshot noticed. The newer and less powerful students were subdued now, outmatched by a professional experienced team surpassing anything they’d faced in training scenarios. Only the graduates and the Order monks themselves were left, and especially the weapons and combat specialists. The fight was getting harder.
    “Power neutralisers!” warned CrazySugarFreakBoy! as the special tactics team burst in carrying massive metahuman suppression field generators strapped to their body. The wired wonder landed clumsily but took out the lead technician with a whizzbang frisbee.
    “I don’t have any super-powers,” Yuki noted, flexing her robotic body exactly to specification and pounding the second generator flat. “I’m all natural.”
    Mr Epitome and Hatman disappeared under a scrum of energy knuckleduster-wielding riotbusters.
    “Is that field supposed to affect me?” wondered the Manga Shoggoth, oozing into the generators (and over the people carrying them). “If so I’m sorry but it doesn’t even tickle.”
    The last of the suppression units died with choking black smoke from its motor. Mr Epitome flexed and sprayed riotbusters across the wrecked cloisters. Hatman reached for his Steelers cap.
    “Psi squads attack!” shouted Doobgar, pointing the trainee espers at the Legion. “Wipe their brains!”
    “Doh, bad idea!” winced Dancer, high-kicking Doogbar into unconsciousness. “No, really.”
    The ESP squad made contact with the Manga Shoggoth. Hello,” he bubbled in their unprotected minds.
    There was an explosion from below and half the courtyard collapsed, toppling more of the combatants into the ruined training cellars. A young man tumbled high in the air and landed on a hastily-created bed of foliage. “I said help me up there, you dimwit, not toss me up here!” shouted spiffy.
    Donar climbed over the unconscious forms of the heavy assault team. “I couldst not hear thee properly on account of thy screaming like unto a girlie,” he countered. “Well met, boon comrades. How goeth the smiting?”
    “We’re smiting okay, big guy,” Dancer admitted. “They’re unshipping the big guns against us now, but we’re still batting.”
    “Tis good I broughteth a bat then,” smiled the hemigod of thunder, hefting Mjalolm^TM to demonstrate its use on the half-bull hulk who was charging up behind him.
    “Just keep them looking this way, that’s all,” Hatman insisted. “Leave the rest to Lisa, Mumph, and Al.”
    Then Adept Goombik fell through the floor above and landed on top of the Legion.

***

    Prime Princess Annar, Heiress of the Skunk Confederacy, turned away from her mirror and gasped. “Xander the Improbable! You came!”
    The master of the mystic crafts checked inside his faded red robes. “Yes,” he agreed.
    “Then I’m saved!” the Princess cried.
    “No,” Xander told her gravely. “I’m sorry, you’re not.”
    Liu Xi saw the princess’ face crumble for a moment into utter despair, and then she composed herself again and the mask was absolute.
    “There’s nothing you can do, then?” the princess swallowed.
    Xander shook his head sadly. “I can get you away,” he admitted. “I could walk you out of the palace right now and take you pretty much anywhere you want to go. This is my young friend Liu Xi Xian, by the way. She’s very good at elements and things.”
    Princess and elementalist glanced at each other, shyly and curiously.
    “She’s an Earth woman,” Annar recognised. “A Terran. I haven’t met many in person.”
    “How do you do?” Liu Xi bowed. “Your highness,” she added courteously after a moment’s thought.
    “Not too well, Liu Xi Xian of Earth,” the princess admitted. “When I saw Xander I thought for a moment… But no, I have no escape.”
    “Escape from what?” Liu Xi demanded. Her eyes followed Annar’s to the window and the occupied city beyond. “From the soldiers?”
    “If I leave the palace, one billion of my people will be executed,” Annar explained. “One billion. Each day, until I return.”
    The young elementalist’s jaw dropped open. “That’s… Nobody would do that!”
    “They would,” interrupted Xander, pointing to the red-armoured warriors outside. “That’s why Annar can’t escape. They’d know if she swapped her form with another’s. They’d recognise a clone. Even if she kills herself she dooms her people.”
    “So why are we here?” demanded Liu Xi, angrily. “Why bring me all this way and show me this if we’re not going to save her?”
    Xander led the girl over to the princess and sat them down side by side. “We can’t save Annar in any way she’d want us to try,” he explained. “But she faces a terrible ordeal. I think she needs a friend.”
    The princess seemed surprised by that. She looked at the Earth girl closely. They were of similar ages, but otherwise so very different in appearance and background.
    “You have more in common that you know,” Xander assured Annar. “Liu Xi was once sent to marry to a stranger who did not treat her well too.”
    Liu Xi turned to protest, to demand how the sorcerer supreme could know her intimate secret, but she was distracted by the tears welling in the princess’ eyes. “Is that it?” she demanded. “You have to marry someone you don’t want to?”
    The Princess nodded solemnly. Even in tears she retained an inner dignity. “Tomorrow I shall become a bride of the Parody Master.”

***

    “Ouch,” said Hallie, automatically sucking her virtual burned fingers. “These defences are tough. This is recycled Celestian stuff, I think.”
    “Out of your league?” mocked the White Empress.
    “It just took a while, that’s all,” the AI replied defensively. “But I’ve just received some useful stuff from Al B. Harper over at the Order’s extradimensional monastery.”
    “The what where?”
    Visionary stepped between Young Heckfire’s tutor and the green AI. “When the Lair Legion decides somebody’s being a clear and present danger we do something about it,” he explained, staring into Anna Salem’s face. “It doesn’t matter who they are or how powerful they think they might be. We take them down. Right now we’re taking down the Order.”
    “Impossible!” objected Goombar. “You have no idea what you’re up against!”
    “Who’s got the video rights?” wondered Roni Y Avis.

***

    Samantha Bonnington’s whole life was a patchwork collection of self-doubt, regrets, self-absorbed analysis, and shattered ambitions, but it all became clear as she saw the New Battlers killing the Juniors Lair Legion. She knew now what mattered, what was important, and she knew what she wanted.
    She wanted to save her friends. She wanted to kill the Battlers. She wanted to die fighting.
    Fashion Accessory and Ham-Boy arrived in time to see Kiivan and Ohanna enveloped by Crapsack and Harlagaz get pummelled to the floor. She couldn’t even tell if Glory was still alive.
    And her foremost emotion was outrage. “You dare? she shrieked at the New Battlers. They had taken so much from her. No more.
    Her transmutative abilities burst forth, as powerful as she believed them to be. Lounge Lizard and Boy Wonder were snatched from the ground, hammered from wall to ceiling to floor by the very clothes they wore. Ripper’s collar halved in size, choking the massive pig-dog thing. Thunderstroke shrieked and folded as his underwear grew internal iron spikes. E-male found himself swathed in yards of rubber sheeting.
    And then Samantha turned to Wyrmbait and shifted her skin to the other side of the room, tearing it from the Battler’s body and spraying it across the wall; because what is skin but a pelt waiting to happen?
    Ham-Boy’s barrage of offal pounded Crapsack off Kiivan and Ohanna, leaving them bruised and gasping.
    Glory dragged herself free from Ripper as the warhound clawed away its adamantine-studded collar and rose to fight again. As the Apocalyspian monster roared at her the pooch of power leapt forward and jumped right down the creature’s throat.
    For a moment the battle was turned in favour of the Juniors, but then the battered L’il Buttie reached out and fired one full-strength blast of Jarvis Cosmic right into Fashion Accessory’s chest. Samantha Bonnington was hurled her back out of the fight, over the cliff.
    Ohanna screamed.
    Harlagaz reached up, caught Thunderstroke’s incoming fist, and crushed it to fragments. “Thou hast killed Samantha!” the demihemigod shrieked in a killing rage. “Now diest thou all!”
    A mild shimmering began in one corner of the room.
    Without FA’s influence Lounge Lizard and Boy Wonder came back to the fight, only to face Ohanna and Kiivan respectively. Ham-Boy found himself buried in Crapsack.
    L’il Buttie took careful aim at Harlagaz’ back while the demihemigod was throttling Thunderstroke. Falconne lashed out with her razor-tipped costume wings and caught the butler across the throat.
    E-Male powered into her, unleashing his electrical fury. Only the insulation of Lindy Wilson’s battle suit saved her life as she crackled to the floor. Hacker Nine growled in this throat, hurled a modem cable at the energy being, and transmitted him electronically across the whole island.
    Lounge Lizard smiled charmingly at Ohanna of Raael as she pursued him with sword and dagger. “You forget I have the ability to charm young ladies,” he smirked at her. “You’re my slave now.”
    The Caphan girl felt Donny Drummond's draconic charm ability wash over her, eating at her resolve. She'd been trained to obey. Trained to be owned.
    But not by him. She gritted her teeth and struggled for a freedom she'd won so hard.
    "Don't resist," Lounge Lizard purred at her, his multihued eyes flickering with malice. "You're mine."
    Ohanna plunged her rapier through his heart. “I do not belong to you,” she promised. On Caph IX it was every slave’s duty to protect herself from theft.
    Boy Wonder avoided Kiivan’s strokes easily. “I know every martial art on the planet, your eminence,” the Battler warned. “That’s well over three thousand ways to kill you in two moves.”
    Kiivan took his head off with a Z’Sox reverse feint. “Do you know that one?” he asked fiercely.
    Ripper howled once as Glory bit her way through the beast’s interior to eat his heart.
    Harlagaz dropped Thunderstroke to the ground unconscious. “I thought we wert supposed not to killeth yon enemies?” he puzzled.
    Ham Boy created wave after wave of meat products to fend off the ever-oozing Crapsack but he was fighting a losing battle. “Crapsack is going to drown you now,” Crapsack promised. He oozed out to encompass Kiivan, Ohanna, Hacker Nine and the fallen Falconne too. “Crapsack is going to drown all of you.”
    In the corner the Parody Master’s dimensional portal formed up more clearly, almost complete.
    Glory burst from Ripper’s stomach and went for Gnudier Lokotowicz. Crapsack caught her too. “Crapsack wins the trials. Crapsack wins the world.”

***

    “You have been an inconvenience,” proclaimed Master Gooblin to the three intruders pressed against the wall. “But that is all. We will now restrain your marauding comrades, analyse your abilities to recycle into future, more tractable heroes, then eliminate you.”
    In the courtyard below, Adept Goombik was toe-to-toe with Donar, knocking aside the hemigod’s attacks with perfect precision, striking again and again at the Ausgardian’s nerve clusters. The wave of other combat tutors poured out over the Legion, and now each attacked with a set of superpowers borrowed from the templates they had taken over the centuries. The Legion was washed in ice, choked by poison clouds, scorched by nuclear fire, mind-blasted, matter agitated, dimension-tossed, senses-shattered.
    “So all of this is just you tryin’ to cheat in the Resolution War, what?” Sir Mumphrey snarled contemptuously. “And you prey on the young because they’re easier to manipulate, less likely to stand up to you and say what you’re doin’ is wrong!”
    “They’re using all the stolen biosignatures that have been recorded into Ancient Goomtah,” Al B. Harper warned. “There’s Celestian technology at work in him. The monks have wrapped themselves in those copied auras to fight the Legion.”
    “Not to fight the Legion,” Gooblin clarified. “To kill the Legion.”
    “Better men than you have tried, sirrah,” Mumphrey scorned. “You think all it takes are a few stolen superpowers? Well those of us who choose to use our gifts for good have learned a few things you don’t find out in classrooms.”
    “Such as what?” the monk asked contemptuously. Below the Contemplation Garden the Legion were being hard pressed by almost fifty fighting monks, each tutor selecting at will from the massive reservoir of powers and skills they had logged in their database.
    “Such as never to underestimate young people,” Mumphrey answered. “Especially those who don’t conform.” And he glanced over Gooblin’s shoulder.
    “That’s got to be out clue,” Fly-Girl admitted. “Anyhow, there’s the big cluster of mutate abilities I sensed. The old floating guy.”
    “The bitter weed always grows the strongest,” observed the ancient database of the Observing Eye, still floating calmly in the midst of chaos.
    “The neophytes!” Master Gooblin recognised as he turned upon the four youngsters that peered through a section of wall that Mumphrey had time-displaced.
    “Nah, forget us,” Beanie told the monk, using his gift to make people forget what had just happened.
    “”Cody, can you make sense of the signals I’m picking up off the old floating guy?” Glitch asked urgently, replaying the broadband etheric signals hammering out of Ancient Goomtah.
    “Yeah. And he’s not an old guy,” Cody realised. “He’s not a guy at all. He’s a kind of massive recording device. He’s a construct. He’s the source of the building annihilation wave.”
    “He’s a target,” concluded Artemis; and she let her arrow fly.
    Ancient Goomtah realised his danger just in time. He released his hold on the intruding Legionnaires and deflected the arrow inches from his head. Then he used his psionic disciplines to scatter the young people back over the balcony.
    And Lisa read the Booke of the Law.
    “By the power vested in me as Keeper of the Booke of the Law, arbiter of offices, advocate of the ordinances of the Parodyverse…” she called out, and her voice sounded like a thousand solemn judges speaking at once, echoing across time and space, “I adjudge that you have misused the gifts of the Space Robots.”
    She turned eyes on him that were as cold and bleak as the void. “Your license is revoked!”
    Ancient Goomtah exploded into a cloud of ideas that fizzed away into the narrative substructure of the Parodyverse and were gone.
    Lisa slumped down into Mumphrey’s arms. “And now the Golden Age dimension is safe,” she murmured, clutching the Booke to her chest and shivering.
    What did you do?” demanded Gooblin. “What did you do?”
    Al thumped the monk on the nose, by way of an empirical test. “I’d say she just wiped out your entire database and removed the source of your technology and you access to metahuman abilities,” he estimated. “Which could be bad for those monks down in the courtyard.”
    A few of the monks were alumni of the Order’s training and had super-powers in their own right. They were up against the Lair Legion.
    “Lair Legion Line Up!” shouted spiffy before anyone could stop him.

***

    The giant monster that could not be named for copyright reasons reared up over the tiny control station and prepared to destroy it with one blast of nuclear lighting.
    “Danny,” Kerry shouted to her leather-jacketed companion. “Stop it.”
    “What?”
    “The big monster. You stop it. I have to go help the Juniors.”
    “You want me to stop the two hundred foot tall movie monster. By myself.”
    “Yes. And quickly, please.”
    “It had better be a really good date,” Danny Lyle breathed as he turned to face the rampaging reptile. “Hey, big fellah! You’re not doing this!”
    Kerry didn’t stop to hear him. She was already scrambling up the cliffside towards the door of the control room. Inside Crapsack was choking the life out of the Juniors and chuckling as they died.
    “Crash! Burn!”
    Crapsack exploded into globs of smoking excrement that sprayed everywhere, leaving the gasping Juniors struggling on the floor. Kerry glared angrily at fragments until they too caught fire and were seared in blue flames.
    “That was… really good timing,” Ham-Boy gasped, struggling to his feet. “Things weren’t… going so well.”
    “Where’s FA?” demanded Kerry.
    “Alas, she art dead,” mourned Harlagaz. “She wast slain by yon felon.” He indicated the bleeding (but breathing) L’il Buttie. Of the New Battlers only the bloodied butler, the battered Thunderstroke, and Wyrmbait remained. Tina Drummind had passed out from the pain of having her outer skin ripped away, leaving her a gory red blob in the corner.
    “Dead?” Kerry went white. “What do you mean, dead?”
    “She took a cosmic blast,” HB explained. “She saved us all, Kerry. But then she fell over the cliff.”
    “FA?” Kerry’s eyed stung with hot, confused tears. “No!”
    “You don’t want me dead, then?” asked Samantha Bonnington quietly. She was levitating her clothing to allow her to fly, the scorched patch in her designer tunic still visible where she’d taken Buttie’s blast. “Hey, these garments are as tough as I will them to be,” she told the Juniors defensively.
    “I don’t want you dead,” Kerry admitted. “I want to strangle you, but I don’t want you dead.”
    Hacker Nine spotted the dimensional doorway in the corner. “Guys, I don’t want to worry you, but…”
    And then the Arctic blizzard clamped down on the Juniors, the raging sleet cutting into them with needles of ice, visibility zero.
    “Yon tempest,” shouted Harlagaz above the howling of the gale force winds. “Tis not real.”
    Beside him Thunderstroke’s skull was caved in by something he couldn’t see.
    “Young Heckfire are awake!” Glory smelled. “They have an illusionist!”
    “They’re trying to bring the Parody Master here,” H9 warned, his teeth chattering. “They’re holding us back from stopping his portal forming up.”
    “Then our survival and that of everyone on this island, perhaps this world, depends upon us defeating this enemy and thwarting that portal,” summarised Kiivan.
    “As a team,” added Kerry, glancing over at Fashion Accessory. “Right?”
    “Right,” FA agreed in a choked voice.
    “Junior Lair Legion, Line Up!” called out Ham-Boy, before anyone could stop him.

***

    “I’m in,” Hallie announced to Visionary, doing a distracting little victory dance.
    “So what do we have?” demanded Summers of the FMRC. He held his finger to his ear and said, “Yes, I already asked that.”
    “That man is speaking to his earlobe,” accused Professor Tofu. “Where is my Giant Robot?”
    “I’m getting status on most of the students now,” Hallie assured them. “There’s a glitch in the exfiltration program, so all the students that should have been teleported out are held in the transfer buffers. I can read their patterns.”
    “Can you pull them out?” demanded Deborah Blitzen.
    “Let me network with Miss Framlicker at Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises,” the AI said.
    “Can you tell us who’s in the, um, the buffers and who’s still on the island?” Visionary asked.
    “Sire,” agreed Hallie. “I can just… oh!” Her hologram skin paled a shade. “Oh no!” She looked over at Storm Trooper and at the quiet little man who’d come with the Wonder Friends and who hadn’t spoken yet. “There are some fatalities. I’m sorry.”
    The tutors listened angrily to the list of casualties: most of the X-Students and all of the Wonder Friends were dead, murdered in a temporary exclusion field by the New Battlers.
    “This is what you call a controlled environment, is it?” Vizh fumed at Goombar.
    “This is out last chance for the tests before your world governments enact…”
    “They weren’t interested in these students,” Hallie interrupted. “Only in recording their biosignatures so they could recreate others with their powers and abilities. The New Battlers seem to be trying to steal a copy of the database to use for their own reasons.”
    “That is blasphemy!” objected the monk, agitated for the first time.
    “Right,” snarled Visionary. “That’s enough. We need to get the kids out of there right now! Right now!”
    Hallie looked unhappy. “There’s still a problem,” she confessed. “The barriers preventing us getting in there are almost down.”
    “And that’s a good thing, right?” Vizh noted hopefully.
    “We’re not the only ones trying to punch a portal into there.”

***

    “Tis a most bracing blizzard,” Harlagaz called into the teeth of the storm. “This a shame it is not real. Here. This ist a real tempest!”
    Kerry scowled into the illusory sleet. “And this should warm things up!” There was an explosion, and a fireball briefly blossomed inside the command and control centre.
    Alpha Dude powered out of the collapsing illusion to strike her down, but Glory pounced on him, her teeth clamping down on his arm.
    Ham-Boy spotted the shimmering exception coins flying in at them and mired them in a bank of meat. “Search and destroy!” he ordered the sausage chains, sending them out into the battlefield.
    Blatant Genius snorted derisively and powered up his brainwave disruptor to cripple the Juniors for ease of slaughter. Then he felt the knife at his throat. “I’d turn that off, human, if you like getting blood to your brain,” suggested Ohanna of Raael.
    “Yes, ma’am,” Blatant Genius swallowed; but not too hard, because that dagger was very sharp.
    Lord and Master reached out to smear the Caphan with his psychotropic sweat, but suddenly he was swathed in a thick rubber diving suit thanks to Fashion Accessory.
    Black Empress put out the fires on her bustier and conjured up an illusionary darkness to allow Young Heckfire to recover. “I’ve been trained in zero-light combat, by the way,” Kiivan said, gently grabbing her by her pressure points and holding her until she fell senseless.
    “Now you die!” shrieked Lucy deSoth, hurling one of her exclusion coins at the Emir of All Caph. Harlagaz caught it instead, then shuddered as his internal temperatures dropped to two hundred below zero.
    “Gaz!” called Kerry. She turned on Privilege. “If he’s hurt, you are ashes! Ashes!”
    The young girl dropped the next coin she was reaching for and stared in terror at the angry probability arsonist. It was a kindness for FA to swathe her and Blatant Genius in lead suits to keep them out of trouble.
    Lord and Master could still move, though, and he was ripping away his rubber covering. “You can’t beat me!” he shouted. “Do you know who I am?”
    “I’m really glad you asked,” Ham-Boy admitted, pulling back his fist. And then he answered Drugo Lodestone’s question in graphic detail.
    “Lord Harlagaz, are you alive?” demanded Ohanna of Raael urgently, not even able to touch the supercooled demihemigod.
    “T-tis most b-bracing,” chattered Harlagaz Donarson.
    Zack Zelnitz was still watching the portal. “People, we still have a problem!” he warned.
    “The big lizard monster outside?” Kerry said. “I’ve got someone on that.”
    Then there was a flash and the portal formed up fully. It crackled to life and the first of the Avawarriors marched through to claim Monstrous Isle and the teen metahumans on it as their own.

***

    The Monastery above the dimensional vortex shuddered and the first part of the rock it stood upon cracked away and tumbled down into the maelstrom. “This thing’s got the structural integrity of a Millar plot!” CrazySugarFreakBoy! warned. “It’s going to go!”
    “Evacuation,” ordered Hatman. “Get all the students to the EEE dimensional gate that brought our LairJet here. “Trainees first, with the Shoggoth to keep them in line, then any of the monks who haven’t thrown themselves down into the vortex.”
    “What about their records?” Goldeneyed demanded urgently. “I need to know where they sent my baby!”
    “The records are gone,” Lisa apologised. “All wiped when I revoked the Order’s charter. I’m sorry. You’ll have to find your child some other way, some other time.”
    “This Order could have done so much good,” Dancer said sadly. “If only they’d done things just a tiny bit differently.”
    “An’ not been such colossal bozos,” Trickshot added. He glanced over at Artemis, Cody, Glitch, Fly-Girl, and Beanie. “They’d have gotten away with it too if it weren’t fer you meddlin’ kids. Heh. You done good.”
    “Is there some reason you decided not to warn me that you were putting Artemis’ life at risk in your suicidally rash operation?” Mr Epitome demanded wrathfully.
    “She knew the risks,” Yuki pointed out. “She’s old enough to choose for herself how much good she wants to do. In my book she did pretty well.”
    “The lass did well,” Mumphrey pointed out. “You should be proud of her, Dominic. Any word from young Visionary about the Juniors?”
    “Not yet,” admitted spiffy. “I wish there was something we could do to help.”
    “We just did,” Hatman pointed out. “We shut down the Order of the Observing Eye.”
    “And that was well worth doing,” agreed G-Eyed vengefully.
    “Anyhow, tis for mine son Harlagaz and his boon companions to fight yon fight,” Donar added. “Let the heavens ring with battle and the valkyries wet their panties with excitement, verily!”
    “Good to see Cody and his friends are okay now,” Dancer noted. “I don’t suppose Cody’s got an origin yet?”
    “Perhaps he should ask his pa about that?” suggested Glitch. “You know, his pa Al B. Harper?”
    Al B. dropped the portable wave modulation scanalyser he was calibrating. “What?”
    Cody shrugged at him. “Hi, dad.”
    “Boy, you sure started young,” CSFB! admired. “I was fourteen when I was first approached by…”
    “It’s a time-travel thing,” Cody explained. “I was raised in the future. By dingoes.”
    The entire fortress shook as the tectonic flaws magnified. “Evacuate faster,” warned Hatman. “Everything else can wait for the debrief.”
    In defiance of dramatic convention, the Legion cleared everybody off the Monastery rock more than ten minutes before it shattered and toppled away into the interdimensional void.

***

    The Avawarriors were armoured in red and black, and they carried molecule-thick Avaswords that could cut through anything and Avashields that protected them from energy and concussive attacks. They came through the portal in formation to establish a beach-head on the island.
    “Don’t let them form up!” yelped Glory, diving in to attack.
    “Don’t let them form up!” called Kiivan, leaping in to engage the first of the warriors with his plas gar. The energies of the two blades crackled as they met.
    “Let them form up,” called Kerry. “Really. We can’t win here.”
    “Whateth?” objected Harlagaz. He was still mostly frozen, but he was quite willing to be used as a battering ram against the intruders.
    Kerry grabbed the demihemigod and pushed him towards the exit. “We can’t win. Those are Avawarriors. They don’t come in six packs, They come in thousands. We need to get out of here.”
    “It makes sense to me,” Ohanna admitted.
    “What about the fallen?” called Ham-Boy. “Wyrmbait’s still alive, and there’s the captured Heck Fire gang.”
    “Leave them,” shuddered Falconne, as Zack helped her groggily to her feet. “They deserve it.”
    The Avawarriors pushed Kiivan and Glory back with ordered precision.
    “FA?” Kerry demanded. “Can we trust you?”
    “Yes,” answered Samantha Bonnington. “I’m sorry.”
    “Then wrap those people up and get them out of here with us. And we need a flying carpet. Stat.”
    “That’s a lot for me to do, Kare…”
    “You said we could trust you. So do it. This is Graduation Day. Everybody, outside with FA!”
    “I canst still take them,” Harlagaz groaned.
    Glory pushed him outside onto Fashion Accessory’s hastily-created throw-rug. The fabric metamorph expanded it larger and larger to accommodate all the evacuees.
    Up the slope, Danny Lyle was gasping, clutching onto the cliffside. “You’re not here,” he denied again and again, “You’re not here…” He raised his exhausted head to look around for giant lightning breathing lizards. “Hey, you’re really not here,” he said in surprise as he slid off the mountain.
    Ham-Boy caught him in a tangle of sausages and hauled him onto the carpet.
    “Where is Kerry?” Ohanna called out.
    “Be right there,” the probability arsonist called back. “Just taking care of business.”
    “She’s fighting the Avawarriors?” Kiivan realised. “Alone?”
    “Boom,” said Kerry Shepherdson with a big beaming grin.
    The island shook. The side of the volcano blew out. The portal and the Avawarriors were immersed in molten lava.
    Samantha Bonnington screamed and tried to maintain control of her flying fabric. “You can do it, FA!” Ham-Boy encouraged her.
    “Where’s Kerry?” barked Glory. “Kerry!”
    “She was in there!” Hacker Nine gasped in horror. “She’s dead!”
    “No,” grimaced Danny Lyle, wiping sweat and blood of his face, staring hard at the smoke and ash. “She is not dead!”
    And his eyes glowed greenly in the dark.

***

    The flames burst all around her and the volcano splashed over the Avawarriors. The portal flickered then was immersed. Kerry smiled as she folded over, knowing that she’d saved her friends, maybe saved the world. That wasn’t bad for one unwanted unloved disappointment. She hoped Sarah would be proud of her.
    Visionary caught her. “I’ve got Kerry,” he called over his comm-card. “Pull us out. Fast. Please?”
    Hallie activated the recall circuits she now controlled just as the volcano burst apart in all its telluric glory, showering ash over five hundred miles, with an explosion they could hear in Tokyo.
    “So cool,” murmured Kerry Shepherdson.

***

    The Order of the Observing Eye was broken, their monastery destroyed, their technology gone. The remaining monks vanished too, melting into the shadows before they could be restrained. The worried manager of the Tokyo Hyatt was left demanding who was going to pay the bill.
    The reunions in the viewing lounge were emotional, happy and sad.
    “Are you safe?” demanded Bishounen of the Cho Cho Futago. “Are you okay?”
    The Butterfly Twins were wrapped in blankets courtesy of the exhausted Fashion Accessory. Samantha Bonnington was almost asleep on her feet, so exhausted she’d hardly been able to colour code Maki-Chan and Tei-Chan’s sheets.
    “We’re alive!” Teiko told her team-mates. She pointed to Semi-Transparent Lad. “He saved us! He saved our lives.”
    “I could so have saved your lives too,” Aka Tombo told them jealously.
    “What have you done to my Giant Robot, you hooligans!” demanded Professor Tofu.
    Betty Marsh watched the Cho Cho Futago kiss Ben Hermes on the cheeks with a strange reappraising expression. “You didn’t do badly,” she admitted to Semi-Transparent Lad. Then she looked around urgently. “Excuse me. I’ve got to go find out where we pick up our commemorative plaque.”
    “So, you and two naked Butterfly Chicks,” smirked Billy Goat. “What do you have to tell us, STL?”
    Mr Summers nodded at Ben. That meant a lot.
    “You know, if you guys ever wanted to dump the nutty professor, I could find you some really strong marketing deals,” Roni Y Avis told Giant Robot Six. “Here’s my card. Call me and we’ll do lunch.”
    “A-all of them?” wailed Bunny Fame, learning the fates of her team-mates. “Every one?”
    “You have failed,” White Empress told Lord and Master, Black Princess, Alpha Dude, Blatant Genius, and Privilege. “There will be consequences.”
    “We were betrayed,” Drugo Lodestone objected. “Crapsack had sold out to the Battlers. And that Denial, he…”
    “Yeah, about that,” Danny Lyle said to the White Empress. “I quit.”
    “Nobody leaves Young Heckfire,” Anna Salem warned him. “The psychic hooks I place in my students minds…”
    “I don’t have ‘em,” Danny told her. “I’m leaving. If you really want to be my enemy, that’s fine too.”
    “You’re joining the Juniors?” mocked Black Princess n.
    “The Juniors who spanked your butt, you mean?” Denial snorted. “Nah. I’m not the team type. But I’ve learned all I can from you losers. So I’m walking away.”
    “We should ask Zack Zelnitz to join,” Alpha Dude repeated. “I mean, he was the one who…”
    “I’m not joining you guys,” Hacker Nine told them. “You’re amateurs. You and the New Battlers. You call yourselves villains? I’ve taken over the planet twice. Twice. You know how many guys have done that? Me, Zemo, and the Hooded Hood. That’s it.” He patted Blatant Genius on the cheek. “I’m out of your league.”
    He left them with a thoughtful look in his eye.
    “This isn’t over,” Lord and Master warned Kerry Shepherdson. “I’ll be coming back for you, sweetie. When you least expect it, I’ll be there. And you will be my slave.”
    Kerry glowered at Drugo Lodestone. “You saw what FA did to Wyrmbait, right? Tina’s in intensive care right now, waiting for her first skin grafts.” She leaned forward. “Well FA is the nice one.”
    “I’m a total failure, really,” Lindy Wilson declared. “I picked the wrong side, made a fool of myself, wrecked everything.”
    “What you need,” suggested Visionary, “is a second chance.”
    “Visionary knows what he’s talking about,” agreed Hallie supportively. “He knows how to make a fool of himself better than anybody on the planet.”
    Lindy Wilson’s eyes flickered from the AI to the possibly fake man and back again. “What kind of second chance?”
    “If anybody is still interested,” called out G Matthew Summers over the din, “the automated systems have somehow still managed to produce the student grades for the trials. Anyone want to know how their trainees did?”

***

Epilogues:

    “It doesn’t matter how I did in the trials,” repeated Samantha Bonnington. “I’ve got to leave the Juniors anyhow. After what I did.”
    “Yeah, you were a total butthead,” agreed Kerry. “I mean, how could you face all that and not tell your friends you were in trouble? What were you thinking?”
    “We’ve all done dumb things, Samantha,” Ham-Boy assured her. “But that’s what school’s about. We do dumb things. We screw up. And we learn.”
    “And that’s what friends are about too,” Glory added, wagging her tail and licking FA’s fingertips. “We are stronger together than we are apart.”
    “Look, we all did stuff on this mission we’re going to have to live with,” Kerry reasoned. “I burned Crapsack, maybe killed him. You lost your temper with Wyrmbait, disfigured her for life. Zack had to face down Lindy.”
    “I just had to set her free, that was all,” H9 explained. “I owed that to her. Now we’re straight.”
    “Point is, FA,” continued Kerry, “You betrayed us, then you tried to put it right. So as your friends we have to make you pay for that. And we can’t make you suffer if you’re not part of the group, right? So you have to stick around and take your medicine.” She grinned and reached out for her friend’s hand. “Right?”
    “Depending on what the grades come out like, anyhow,” added Ham-Boy nervously.

***

    “So how have you been?” CrazySugarFreakBoy! grinned at Glitch as they helped shepherd the hundreds of confused, angry, frightened Order students around the crowded EEE firehouse.
    “Okay I guess. Still trying to find a way to fit into this strange new world,” the transforming robot replied. She strained to look over the Legion who were coping with the chaos. “Isn’t dull thud here?” she asked plaintively.
    “He vanished last Christmas, hunted by the law,” CSFB! explained, admiringly. “So what are you going to do, now that you’re back? You’ll stay with us till you find a place of your own, right?”
    “I really don’t know what I’m going to do next, Dream. Have you any suggestions?”
    And CrazySugarFreakBoy! beamed.

***

[This segment authored by Visionary]

    “We have a problem” Visionary noted seriously.
    Daniel Lyle nodded. “Are you sure it’s ‘we’ that have this problem?”
    The Legionnaire smiled tightly. “As her adopted big brother and legal guardian, it’s my job to tell you that, after careful and extensive consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that despite her antisocial tendencies, extensive trail of property damage, and general ability to be more trouble than a legion of rabid, flame-thrower wielding monkeys, you’re just not remotely good enough for Kerry in any way, shape or form. Sadly, I must also conclude that you are never likely to be, either. Tough break, that.”
    “She thinks I am”
    “Being as I’m also her teacher, did you want my assessment of her intelligence while I’m at it?”
    “Right” the teenager replied. “So our problem is just that I’m vile, inhuman scum.”
    “Don’t take it too hard… And it’s really not so much of a problem as an inescapable fact of life. Nothing personal. No, you wanting to be involved with Kerry while not being close to good enough for her isn’t what I’m getting at.” Visionary leaned in for emphasis. “The point where I have to stop grinding my teeth and start getting *nasty* is the moment you stop trying to be good enough for her. That’s when we’ll have a problem.”
    “I see. And then what happens?”
    “I go tell Yo that I secretly find you to be a nice, respectful young man, and that you really remind me of myself at your age” Visionary noted matter-of-factly. “Then we just wait for the Yo to Glory gossip express train to pull into the station…”

***

    “What do you mean, she just disappeared?” demanded Mr Epitome, scanning the area with his x-ray vision.
    “You know,” shrugged Beanie. “One minute she was there, the next she’d gone. Totally Dark Knight. It was very cool.”
    “If Artemis was a mutate I could track her,” Fly-Girl added helpfully. “But she isn’t. Er, am I going to get dissected by the government now?”
    “Probably,” answered Dominic Clancy grumpily, and stomped off.
    “You kids are gonna be just fine,” Trickshot assured the worried teens. “When your buddy Cody’s finished his heart to heart with his dad, ol’ Brer Tricky’s gonna see that you guys get away clean. I’ve got an eccentric Brit an’ I ain’t afraid to use him!”

***

    “I locked that door,” objected Drugo Lodestone.
    “No you didn’t,” said Danny Lyle. “We need to talk.”
    “I don’t have anything to say to you, Denial,” warned Lord and Master. “You walked away, remember?”
    “And you threatened Kerry. Remember?”
    Lodestone smirked. “Oh yeah. I’ve got big plans for your little girlfriend, Lyle. Big, nasty plans. You can’t be there to protect her forever.”
    “That’s right. But I don’t need to be.” Denial moved closer to the leader of the Heckfire Club. “She’d kill you, you know. If you pushed her, she’d do it. But it would destroy her, and I’m not going to let that happen.”
    Lord and Master flashed his hand out at Danny’s face. Danny caught his wrist.
    “You’re not alive,” he denied.
    He left Drugo Lodestone where he’d fallen and slipped out into the lobby where Kerry was chatting with the Juniors.
    “Looking forward to our date, Firecracker,” he called as he passed by.

***

    “You have a date with Denial?” Fashion Accessory asked with a raised eyebrow.
    “So what if I have,” Kerry replied defensively. “It’s no big deal.”
    “Really.” Samantha Bonnington drew her own conclusions.
    “I wilt be having a word with yon Danny Lyle before that,” rumbled Harlagaz.
    Kiivan and Ohanna descended the stairs to join the others, carrying their cases. “It is time for us to take our leave,” announced the Emir of All Caph. “Our time on your world is almost up, and Ohanna wishes to visit her sister once more before we return to our own studies.”
    “Oh, like you don’t want to visit my sister’s harem-mates,” scorned the Prince’s companion.
    “I have duties,” said Kiivan neutrally. “Obligations.”
    “Really,” said Fashion Accessory, in the same tone she’d used about Kerry and Danny earlier.
    Ohanna gave the Juniors a formal courtesy. “It has been an honour standing with you, sisters, my Lords,” she told them. “May your loins be fertile and your wombs fecund, that your Houses may wax and prosper.”
    “You’ve been saving that one up, right?” grinned Kerry as Ham-Boy blushed.
    “Oh yes,” agreed the Caphan girl.
    “Thou wilt not forget thine promise to summonest us when thou goest to smite thine enemies and reclaim thy throne,” Harlagaz called to Prince Kiivan urgently.
    “I won’t forget,” the Emir assured him. “I’ll be giving you a call.”

***

    Baroness Elizabeth Zemo looked down at the bandage-swathed form of Tina Drummond on her life-support system. “It goes without saying that you won’t be receiving the second payment,” the Baroness noted. She turned to Silicone Sally. “Oh, bring her along anyway and we’ll see what we can make of her.”

***

    E-Male reformed back in the Battler’s secret hideout, his electrical impulses forming together to create a physical body for him. Then he swore, long and loud, about how badly wrong the mission had gone. Wyrmbait was crippled, Hat Kid and L’il Buttie faced prison time once they recovered from their injuries, and the rest of his team-mates were dead. He was going to have to start again from scratch.
    The power dampener was locked over his wrist before he even knew there was someone else in the room. He span round and received a devastating kick to the balls.
    “Hello Rico,” said Lisette. “Remember me?”
    E-Male had left her for dead, burned and unbreathing. “L-laurie,” he stammered as he saw her, whole and well again.
    “Remember our last conversation? About how I knew you? How I could find you? What I would do if I did find you?”
    Rico Torino scrabbled with the power dampener on his wrist. It was designed to keep Safe prisoners from using their metahuman gifts to escape. It wasn’t coming off in a hurry. “You’re not a killer, Laurie,” he sneered. “You don’t have it in you.”
    “I didn’t have it in me back when you knew me,” Lisette told him, “but you don’t know me now.”
    E-Male backed away and bumped into the large shaggy beast crouching in the shadows.
    And that was the least scary thing in the room.

***

    The Juniors flew back to the Lair Mansion in time for a late breakfast and a hasty shower, while Visionary, Lisa, CSFB! and Hatman examined the data analysis on their adventure. The mansion seemed crowded just now, filled with unfamiliar people and lots of bustle.
    And one old face. “Heard you had an exciting trip,” spiffy called out to the Juniors as they emerged from the Lair Kitchen.
    “Coat rack!” called Harlagaz joyously. “Tis meet that thou shouldst come to be with thine boon comrades in their direst hour!”
    “I thought that was yesterday?” pointed out Glory. “When we fought the New Battlers, Young Heckfire, and the legions of the Parody Master.”
    “Nah,” Ham-Boy shuddered. “It’s today. When we get the results.”

***

    “We’re impressed with your progress,” Visionary told Harlagaz Donarson. “Really we are. Your, um, crushing and smashing are both excellent, and your, er, reaving is first rate.”
    “Tis mine wenching, isn’t it?” worried the demihemigod. “I needest to practise more on mine wenching? And perchance quaffing?”
    “There are a few areas you could use a little more training in,” admitted Hatman. “So you’re going to stay on with the Juniors for a while, okay?”
    “They art mine boon comrades. I wilt crush, smash, reave, wench, and quaff with them yet more, I swear by the Oldman. Let the studying begin for the nonce!”

***

    “I flunked, didn’t I?” worried Ham-Boy. “It’s okay, you can tell me. Look, I’m studying at Goth Haven U as well, you know, plus I have two part-time jobs and one of those is with EEE. Well it was, until I got kind of fired by Miss Framlicker after the wages I owed them got into six figures. But I still have one part-time job and it’s pretty important stuff, I can tell you. So there are all kinds of reasons why I didn’t…”
    “Ham-Boy,” Visionary interrupted the world’s meatiest hero. “Relax, will you? You passed. You graduated.”
    “I graduated?” Fred Harris swallowed hard. “As in graduated?”
    “Congratulations,” Hatman told him. “You’re one of the first students to complete the Junior Lair Legion programme. A few years from now you’ll be entitled to apply for Probationary Membership of the Legion itself.”
    “I graduated,” Ham-Boy repeated. “Does that mean I can’t see the others any more?”
    “You’re always welcome at the lighthouse and at the mansion,” Vizh assured him. “Which is more than I can say for some little punks.”
    A slow blushing smile spread across Ham-Boy’s face. “I graduated.”

***

    “Flunked?” Kerry Shepherdson spat. “What do you mean, I flunked. I blew up a whole flaming volcano! I took out a Parody Master invasion! I saved the planet!”
    “You didn’t show any restraint or control,” Hatman pointed out. “Your power is impressive but you need to work on harnessing it, controlling your temper.”
    “I am controlling my temper,” Kerry warned him through gritted teeth. “You’re not a steaming blazing human torch right now, are you?”
    “Kerry, you’re coming along, and your leadership skills are developing very nicely,” Vizh assured her. “We just think there’s more for you to learn in the Juniors programme.”
    “So please don’t run away again,” urged Hatman.
    “Or blow up the planet,” added Vizh, quite seriously.

***

    “Am I getting thrown out?” Fashion Accessory asked Vizh and Hatman. “Because if I am, I quit first. Okay?”
    “We’re not throwing you out,” Visionary assured her. “The New Battlers were rotten to the core, and they pushed you into a terrible corner. I wish you’d told us sooner what you were going through.”
    “But you did the right thing in the end,” Hatman smiled at her. “That counts for a lot.”
    “That’s what Ham-Boy told me,” FA realised, “but it means a lot coming from you, Mr Boaz. A great deal. Yes.”
    “We’re keeping you on the Juniors,” Vizh explained to Samantha. “But now you’re eighteen we’ll assign you as an intern like we did with Ham-Boy.”
    “I am eighteen,” Fashion Accessory admitted with a winning smile at Hatman. “But there’s no way I’m doing grunt work for Miss Framlicker at EEE.”
    “We’re not placing you with EEE,” Vizh went on. “You’re going to work with Sydney St Sylvain at Fashion Fairy Fabrications. Assuming you want to.”
    “Sydney St… Fashion Fairy…”
    “Interested?” smiled the possibly fake man.

***

    “Graduated!” yelped Glory. “But I do not want to be graduated.”
    “You passed with flying colours,” Hatman assured the mutt of might. “Mr Epitome will be very proud of you.”
    “Let me retake the tests,” whined the unhappy retriever. “I’m sure that next time I will fail. Don’t make me leave the Juniors.”
    “You’re the top student, Glory,” Vizh insisted. But he could see how miserable the dog was.
    “I did not mean to be,” the pooch of power yipped, her big brown eyes staring up at the possibly fake man. “I like being part of the Juniors pack.”
    Visionary found it hard to deny that earnest fuzzy face. “You did very well. Er, that’s why you’re… um… You’re being kept on as… as my teaching assistant. Yes, that’s it. As my TA with the Juniors. Okay?”
    “That would be wonderful!” barked Glory. “Wonderful! I must tell Dominic immediately!”

***

    “Where is he?” demanded Hatman, checking his watch again. “His appointment was ten minutes ago.”
    “Just like the little punk,” scowled Visionary. “He is so getting kept back.”

***

    “So I realised I’d learned all I could with that team, and if I want to progress towards my goals I’ll need other opportunities. That’s why I want to work for you.”
    The Hooded Hood looked at his visitor. “I do not usually offer apprenticeships,” he noted.
    “You took Kiivan and Ohanna under your wing. And you know what I can do. Give me a chance.”
    “Very well,” agreed the cowled crime czar. “Welcome to my service, Mr Zelnitz.”

***

    Visionary stacked the files on his shelf and settled down with his bunny slippers and a well deserved cup of coffee. It was all over, at least for now.
    “Job well done?” Dancer asked him.
    “Job survived,” he answered. “That has to count for something, right?”
    Just then Asil popped her head around the study door. “Visionary, did you authorise two hundred delivery pizzas, the Paradopolis Varsity Football Team and sixty drum majorettes to celebrate a graduation party…?”

***

Tie Ins:

Trials and Tribulations #1, #2, #3 by L!, outlining the events of this story arc from the FMRC perspective.

Untold Tales of the Junior Lair Legion: More Than Meets the Eye by CSFB!
When Kerry Met Danny by Dancer
Adventures in Parodyverse: Consumed by Jason
The Ol' Hotfoot by Visionary

Coming Next:

***

Here’s To You, Footnote Robinson:

Let’s start with a rundown of the teams as they are at the end of this chapter:

The Juniors carry over Kerry, FA, and Harlagaz, with Glory staying as a teaching assistant. More new members to follow.

Young Heckfire still has Black Princess, Alpha Dude, Blatant Genius, and Privilege.

The New Battlers are defunct. Gone. History. Wyrmbait, Hat Kid, and L’il Buttie are the only survivors (assuming Lisette finished off E-Male). Hat Kid and L’il Buttie are due some time in Juvie. Wyrmbait’s getting a Zemo makeover.

Giant Robot Six are still around, but needing a new giant robot. Who knows if Bishounen, Aka Tombo, Cho Cho Futago, O-Zuno, and Moyashi will stick with Professor Tofu or take up Roni Y Avis’ offer?

The All-New X-Students need some new students. Of this crop only Wisp survived (and maybe Flaming Resurrection Girl).

The FMRC all survived, and there’ll doubtless be more stories about them.

Ham-Boy gets to continue his studies at Goth Haven and his work at the mall record store, but I doubt we’ve seen the last of him.

Denial is hanging around as a free agent. There’s a story coming up about his date with Kerry, probably written by Dancer.

Hacker Nine has joined up with… the Hooded Hood. Bet you’ll hear more about that in due course.

Falconne, Gadget, Cody, Fly-Girl and Beanie are all back on earth, probably at the mansion for now. Fly-Girl and Beanie are mutates and will lose their powers in the events between this issue and next time, as chronicled next time. Al B. may chronicle the meeting between Cody and his long-lost father.

Oh, and technically the Belgian Wafflettes won the trials, having been the only group to actually still have coins with them at the end.

***

Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2006 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2006 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved.

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Follow-Ups:

* We all want to change Forever. - Manga Shoggoth - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 07:06:57 am EST
- * And then you'll rock us? - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:54:24 pm EST
* When Kerry Met Danny - a tie-in follow-up epilogue thingie - Dancer, with grown-up readers only warning just in case, because who knows how this date might go?? - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 09:00:18 pm EST
- * Remarkably affecting and mature for something you've titled "a tie-in follow-up epilogue thingie" :) (no text) - AIH - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 01:04:13 pm EST
- * Yuki didn't manage to threaten him yet, which is too bad since she's good at it. (no text) - Anime Jason - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 12:33:05 pm EST
- * I noticed Ian sneakly copyrighted Dancer's work for himself - Hatman - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 10:47:29 am EST
  - * Oddly enough... - Visionary - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 08:22:37 pm EST
    - * Re: Oddly enough... - Hatman - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 12:42:46 am EST
      - * Re: Oddly enough... - Visionary - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:22:27 am EST
  - * Whoops, sorry. I was under some pressure from the chat room to post this last night at 2am, so I forget to amend my standard template. But it's all fixed now. (no text) - HH - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 12:15:11 pm EST
- * This was wonderful! And not a script in sight. - Manga Shoggoth - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 07:17:25 am EST
- * This truly is an excellent work. (no text) - Al B. Harper - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 06:41:04 am EST
- * One sign of a good story is how it polarises people's reactions, so I guess this must be a good story! - HH - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 04:01:52 am EST
- * A good story, even though I tend to dislike "cool" guys by reflex action. :) (no text) - CrazySugarFreakBoy! - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 02:15:09 am EST
- * I don't like that Lyle kid one bit. (no text) - spiffy - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 02:12:41 am EST
- * A winning story [Spoilers] - killer shrike - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 01:11:34 am EST
- * Well! Ah, don't know what to say here. I'm really liking Danny. Hope I'm not being fooled by him. (no text) - ag - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 11:12:51 pm EST
- * Well, that's just all kinds of unfair. - Visionary - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 10:02:04 pm EST
* Show off. This story is longer than everything I've ever written for the board put together. (no text) - Josh Clement - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 12:51:13 pm EST
- * It's not size that matters, and other cliche jokes. (no text) - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:19:42 pm EST
* Untold Tales of the Junior Lair Legion: More Than Meets the Eye - CrazySugarFreakBoy! - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 01:38:30 am EST
- * Well, at least the picture is more tasteful than the Snow White & the Seven Dwarves ones I've been subjected to. (no text) - AIH - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 12:50:59 pm EST
- * So when do we see Unicron Vs Galactivac? :) (no text) - Hatman - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 10:41:53 am EST
- * I'm thinking she should join the Juniors. (no text) - ag - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 11:50:12 am EST
- * I didn't know she was a moped at the time of my drawing. And I don't have that prop for her to weild anyway. ;-) - Visionary - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 11:12:10 am EST
- * At least she doesn't transform into a bicycle. - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 09:27:08 am EST
  - * Either one, or even both, although if you're only going to use one, I'd prefer it to be Glitch. [Spoilers] - CrazySugarFreakBoy! - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 10:32:53 am EST
    - * Actually... [Spoilers] - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 11:02:58 am EST
      - * Dammit. [Spoilers] - CrazySugarFreakBoy! - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 01:58:37 am EST
        
        * The door's not closed. [Spoilers] - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:28:23 pm EST
        * Re: Dammit. [Spoilers] - Al B. Harper - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 06:25:20 am EST
        
        * Bah. (no text) [Spoilers] - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 08:04:04 pm EST
        
        * On second thought, let me see if I can come up with a somewhat different paradigm for how Glitch might interact with the other girls. (no text) - CrazySugarFreakBoy! - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 02:42:03 am EST
        
        * Okay. *waits* (no text) - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:28:39 pm EST
- * Looks to me like she's the one with a good grip on his axle there... - Al B. Harper - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 06:25:22 am EST
- * I don't see the picture. Should I count my blessings? ;) (no text) - killer shrike - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 02:31:00 am EST
  - * Take another look. :) (no text) - CrazySugarFreakBoy! - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 04:13:40 am EST
    - * aaaiiiieeeeeee (no text) - killer shrike - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 07:42:47 am EST
* SR1066 and Other Complications - a Discussion - The Hooded Hood consults. This is rare, so make the most of it! - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 07:11:57 pm EST
- * I have a plot line that intersects -- can you hold off a day more until I can write at length? Thank you. (no text) - J. Jonah Jerkson - Wed Jan 18, 2006 at 01:30:44 pm EST
- * I guess that anything I have not already said we can discuss on Saturday... (no text) - Manga Shoggoth - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 05:08:09 am EST
  - * But then other people can't laugh at us. (no text) - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:40:27 pm EST
- * Okey, BIG Spoilers! [Spoilers] - ag - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 11:35:13 am EST
  - * Noted [Spoilers] - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:04:58 pm EST
- * I love that banner! - Al B. Harper - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 06:47:25 am EST
  - * Keep saying that, and then Jason will put it up. - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 09:33:07 am EST
    - * Re: Keep saying that, and then Jason will put it up. - Al B. Harper - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 06:27:37 am EST
      - * Re: Keep saying that, and then Jason will put it up. - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:55:12 pm EST
    - * Re: Keep saying that, and then Jason will put it up. - Visionary - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 11:09:28 am EST
      - * That's it exactly, and yes, I'm sure there will be some interesting Al B./Hallie moment come out of this. (no text) - Al B. Harper is impressed with Visionary's memory - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 06:30:40 am EST
        
        * I went back and re-read this for reference just last weekend. (no text) - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:56:01 pm EST
      - * It' - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 11:30:26 am EST
        
        * It's a divisive little case all round. - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 11:32:53 am EST
        
        * What an evil little Mayor she is... (no text) - Al B. Harper - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 06:29:12 am EST
        
        * Well, she has a firm leadership style. (no text) - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:56:35 pm EST
        
        * I suppose that's not unusual for court cases in general... - Visionary - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 01:38:36 pm EST
        
        * True. But that's not often used to good effect in comic books. - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:21:18 pm EST
- * Dr. Barriere works for Special Protocols Against Metahumans (no text) - killer shrike - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 02:39:22 am EST
  - * Noted. And I added notes on Konig and Regent, since you neglected to do so! (no text) - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 09:54:02 am EST
    - * What am I? Your personal assistant? (no text) - killer shrike - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 11:21:35 am EST
      - * You don't have the legs for it. (no text) - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 11:28:45 am EST
- * A few add-on notes [Spoilers] - Anime Jason - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 02:13:34 am EST
  - * Re: A few add-on notes about Akiko [Spoilers] - Visionary - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 09:54:34 am EST
    - * Did I screw up again? [Spoilers] - Anime Jason - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 04:40:00 pm EST
      - * Is there a Y in the day? [Spoilers] - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:34:16 pm EST
      - * Nope... I'm just expanding on your answers. [Spoilers] - Visionary - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 05:25:09 pm EST
        
        * Swelling all the time. [Spoilers] - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:36:49 pm EST
        * *goes into hiding anyway in case* [Spoilers] - Anime Jason - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 07:26:59 pm EST
        
        * *Looses the dogs* [Spoilers] - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:40:01 pm EST
  - * A few add-on responses [Spoilers] - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 09:43:47 am EST
    - * Add-on response responses. [Spoilers] - Anime Jason - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 12:19:54 pm EST
      - * Etc. [Spoilers] - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:13:48 pm EST
        
        * Etc, etc. [Spoilers] - Anime Jason - Wed Jan 18, 2006 at 01:00:26 am EST
- * The quick response - Visionary - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 01:18:48 am EST
  - * That was quick. - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 09:30:20 am EST
    - * Re: That was quick. - Visionary - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 11:42:23 am EST
      - * And this is slow. - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 07:19:10 pm EST
- * FMRC related Consultations... - L! - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 10:27:48 pm EST
  - * Re: FMRC related Consultations... - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 09:22:17 am EST
    - * Re: FMRC related Consultations... - L! - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 01:35:57 pm EST
      - * Re: FMRC related Consultations... - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 08:07:48 pm EST
* Wow! Not THAT was a conclusion! [Spoilers] - ag - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 10:57:18 am EST
- * Blame Hatty. He once noted that every arc finish had to top the last one. [Spoilers] - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 02:23:22 pm EST
  - * Shame on you Hattie! SHAAAME! [Spoilers] - ag - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 03:12:30 pm EST
    - * I'm sure he said it in a good way. [Spoilers] - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 05:25:05 pm EST
      - * True [Spoilers] - ag - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 06:58:36 pm EST
        
        * Bryyyyyy!!!!!! [Spoilers] - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 07:13:59 pm EST
  - * Observed that's how it seems to be, not noting that's how it should be :) [Spoilers] - Hatman - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 03:04:12 pm EST
    - * I'm sure people just forget the last finale so each one seems bigger. It's a literary illusion. (no text) [Spoilers] - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 05:25:44 pm EST
* Congratulations, #250 issues is quite a feat! - Al B. Harper - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 03:20:15 am EST
- * It's a sign of an unhealthy mind, in my opinion. - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 07:35:57 am EST
  - * So what's that say about the readers? (no text) - Al B. Harper - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 10:51:26 pm EST
    - * That they're enabling an obsession? - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 09:25:56 am EST
      - * I prefer to see it as assisting genius. - Al B. Harper - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 06:37:06 am EST
        
        * I'm pretty sure it's the obsession thing, actually. - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 08:01:49 pm EST
        * Re: I prefer to see it as assisting genius. - Visionary - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 08:29:43 am EST
        
        * Yes, Vizh was the guilty party! - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 08:03:43 pm EST
        * Re: I prefer to see it as assisting genius. - Al B. Harper - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 04:21:04 am EST
        
        * Ooh, score! Zing! Ee-vil!! - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 08:10:32 pm EST
* Gorier than a vacation at Camp Crystal Lake [Spoilers] - killer shrike - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 01:01:52 am EST
- * Yes, that was definitely certificate 18. [Spoilers] - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 07:42:55 am EST
  - * On a somewhat unrelated note, it amazes me that faux-snuff film "Hostel" is the number one movie in America [Spoilers] - killer shrike wants to know what's wrong with people - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 09:39:42 am EST
    - * I've not heard of it. [Spoilers] - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 02:24:26 pm EST
- * And excellent job on all the Junior, Heckfire, and Battler pics. (no text) [Spoilers] - killer shrike - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 01:14:28 am EST
  - * Yes, I thought so too. (no text) [Spoilers] - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 07:24:44 am EST
* Here's what I came up with for the Juniors - Hatman - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 12:43:02 am EST
- * Really good. I see Zack as a nerd but Kerry looks spot on! (no text) - ag - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 11:46:42 am EST
  - * I agree, I wasn't too happy with how Zack came out. (no text) - Hatman - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 02:19:41 pm EST
- * Well done - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 07:44:27 am EST
  - * That was artistic license; if possible I just would've gone with a burning background (no text) - Hatman - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 11:05:47 am EST
- * And the other 2 - Hatman - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 12:43:58 am EST
  - * Nice! (no text) - ag - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 11:48:07 am EST
  - * Interesting Ham-Boy costume. It's always been hard to pin down a good workable design for him. I think Vizh came closest. (no text) - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 07:45:18 am EST
    - * I was trying to replicate the Vizh design and the Micro design somewhat, but this version of the program is kind of limiting (no text) - Hatman - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 02:05:05 pm EST
    - * Ham Boy attempt. - AIH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 08:13:34 am EST
      - * It's so.. so.. Pink! - L! - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 10:39:59 pm EST
      - * Costume seems fine, but I think the colour needs to be a little more well done. (no text) - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 08:36:40 am EST
        
        * Like this? - AIH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 09:09:35 am EST
        
        * That one's only a little better, yet still pink. - L! - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 10:40:53 pm EST
        
        * When you call someone Ham Boy, there are instant connotations : ) (no text) - AIH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 09:42:42 am EST
        
        * He's still medium-rare there! (no text) - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 02:24:48 pm EST
        
        * He's ham, not steak! :) (no text) - AIH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 02:31:12 pm EST
* Wow. Now that's what I call a written exam. - Visionary - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 12:39:17 am EST
- * It was an ordeal, and I think I failed to finish it within the set time limit. - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 08:31:01 am EST
  - * I would have thought you just ran out of space in the blue book. - Visionary - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 11:02:28 am EST
    - * Do not write on both sides of the paper at once. - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 05:37:53 pm EST
* But it's the middle of winter! - Anime Jason - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 09:51:42 pm EST
- * Use your imagination. - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 10:18:02 pm EST
  - * It's currently reserved for important things. - Anime Jason - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 11:06:39 pm EST
    - * Such as? - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 08:32:43 am EST
      - * The next story I'm writing, of course. - Anime Jason - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 11:53:00 am EST
        
        * Proceed. - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 05:39:42 pm EST
* A truely landmark issue! - L! - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 07:35:31 pm EST
- * You mean we blew up prominent well known things? - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:35:27 pm EST
  - * Sure! - L! - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 10:39:06 pm EST
    - * Re: Sure! - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 11:08:55 am EST
      - * Re: Sure! - L! - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 01:41:51 pm EST
        
        * Re: Sure! - HH - Tue Jan 17, 2006 at 08:09:26 pm EST
* Wow [Spoilers] - Hatman - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 06:51:35 pm EST
- * Re: Wow [Spoilers] - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:26:19 pm EST
* An excellent chapter. [Spoilers] - AIH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 06:33:26 pm EST
- * Glad you liked it. [Spoilers] - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:29:02 pm EST
  - * I sent you that E-Mail, by the way. (no text) - AIH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 12:57:21 pm EST
    - * I replied, and now you've sent me another. (no text) - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 05:23:20 pm EST
      - * So reply to that one, so I can send you another. (no text) - AIH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 06:03:08 pm EST
        
        * Done. (no text) - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 09:55:35 am EST
* We were in the chatroom earlier, and here's the results of AIH getting a bit... inspired: (no text) - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 06:04:06 pm EST
- * These are all really good. I can't find a DBS one though. (no text) - Josh Clement, not hinting or anything - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 12:51:23 pm EST
- * Zdenka, furred up! - AIH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 09:56:06 pm EST
  - * Very good. See, what we need now... - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 10:20:59 am EST
    - * I might be able to import a couple of these pics into photoshop and cut around the backgrounds. Let me see what I can do. (no text) - AIH, making no promises however. - Mon Jan 16, 2006 at 02:33:19 pm EST
    - * Thrusting young people? (no text) - Visionary - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 11:21:19 am EST
      - * I'd say so. (no text) - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 11:34:03 am EST
- * A couple more. - AIH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 09:36:02 pm EST
  - * We need a gallery for these. (no text) - HH - Sun Jan 15, 2006 at 10:24:46 am EST
- * Sorry I missed the chat. Those all look great AIH! (no text) - ag - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 11:07:15 am EST
- * Last three... - AIH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 07:53:12 am EST
  - * Excellent job on all of these! We need a collected image of the teams sometime... (no text) - Visionary's always willing to ask for more. - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 11:04:33 am EST
    - * These are all just make-do's until you can draw them. (no text) - AIH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 11:15:07 am EST
  - * You're really getting good at this. (no text) - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 08:38:40 am EST
- * 3 more! - AIH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 07:33:48 am EST
  - * These are my favorites of the bunch (no text) - killer shrike - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 09:42:20 am EST
  - * Very good. Lounge Lizard even managed to ooze sleaze. (no text) - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 08:37:49 am EST
- * 3 more... - AIH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 07:09:33 am EST
  - * I really must acquire this program. (no text) - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 08:33:43 am EST
    - * Why? At this rate, AIH will have produced every character in existance before too long. - Visionary - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 11:06:42 am EST
      - * I'm really looking forward to Dynamo Dolphin and Rodney the Patronising Git. (no text) - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 05:40:28 pm EST
- * Version three of Alpha Dude - AIH, back at it. - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 06:29:35 am EST
  - * Loved the arrogant expression on this one. (no text) - HH - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 08:34:33 am EST
- * Good Job AIH! (no text) - Al B. Harper - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 02:21:26 am EST
- * All of AIH's works are a lot of fun... and some are downright amazing in details! (no text) - Visionary - Sat Jan 14, 2006 at 12:40:26 am EST
- * Definitely the last one today :) - AIH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 10:05:23 pm EST
  - * You need to get some sleep. (no text) - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 10:19:12 pm EST
- * Blatant Genius & Denial. - AIH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 07:54:35 pm EST
  - * Last one for today. - AIH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 09:33:23 pm EST
    - * It's fair to say that you absolutely aced this one! (no text) - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 09:37:04 pm EST
  - * Black Princess - AIH, struggling on. - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 09:11:10 pm EST
    - * I'd seen her a bit more lacy and a bit less S&M, but whatever makes you happy! - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 09:15:55 pm EST
      - * Grrr... :) - AIH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 09:20:03 pm EST
        
        * Sorry. I don't mean to be pedantic. - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 09:35:23 pm EST
        
        * Excellent. - AIH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 09:50:29 pm EST
        
        * Pedantic I can do. (no text) - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 10:18:38 pm EST
  - * As we said in chat, Danny's pretty close... (no text) - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:19:09 pm EST
  - * Blatant Genius 2 - AIH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:06:38 pm EST
    - * But this is far more Rupert van Meer. (no text) - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:19:27 pm EST
    - * Crapsack - AIH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:16:23 pm EST
      - * Alpha Dude - AIH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:28:39 pm EST
        
        * Fashion Accessory - AIH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:42:26 pm EST
        
        * Suitably reminiscent of her template Sersi (no text) - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:54:42 pm EST
        
        * You're a machine (comments inside) - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:39:15 pm EST
        
        * If you were in the chat room, I'd know that! :) (no text) - AIH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:41:57 pm EST
        
        * You're still going? - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:53:05 pm EST
        
        * Of course. Here's the amended Alpha Dude. - AIH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:55:55 pm EST
        
        * Well amended. - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:59:54 pm EST
      - * This is excellent. And the baby blue eyes are perfect. (no text) - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:19:47 pm EST
- * I'm already in there if anyone's around since I won't be able to stay much past 7:30 EST - Hatman - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 06:34:55 pm EST
  - * And I've just departed, leaving AIH and Vizh there. (no text) - HH - Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:18:47 pm EST