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Post By The Hooded Hood responds Sun Aug 08, 2004 at 09:34:23 am EDT |
Subject We've had lots of comments on LL leadership, but now it's time for... Lisa's Last Word Originally #163: Untold Tales of the Lair Legion: Together Again For the First Time |
In Reply To The Hooded Hood offers this homely melange of domestic incident and world conquest Sat Aug 07, 2004 at 01:25:44 pm EDT |
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| A number of scenes have recently been posted depicting discussions about Sir Mumphrey Wilton’s future place with the Lair Legion. These include: Working Late by Visionary, Steamed by Killer Shrike, Yo’s Part.by Yo, The Dancer/Mumphrey Hassling IW Special by Dancer, Trickshot Weighs In by AG, The Nats/Mumphrey 3-Line Special by Nats, Keiko Special Edition by MangaCoolJason, and Leadership Implications by Hatman. Now all that remains is… Lisa’s Last Word “I’ve been thinking about leaders of the Lair Legion,” Lisa L. Waltz noted casually as she sat beside Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Remarkable,” the eccentric Englishman answered, “because I’d never have guessed you were behind that line of Legionnaires seething forward to speak to me on the subject.” “Oh, that was Visionary who organised that,” the first lady of the Lair Legion assured. “I organised him. Anyway, I wasn’t thinking about you specifically. Just leaders in general.” “You were leader at one point, m’dear.” “True. I was second leader after Jarvis – unless you count Vizh’s leader-for-a-day experience which frankly we’re all trying to repress.” “Never met Jarvis,” Mumphrey mourned. “Sounds like a good chap.” “He was,” Lisa admitted. “Also very infuriating, jealous, short-tempered, irrepressibly noble and heroic, easy to manipulate, and impossible to stop.” “He was your brother, I believe?” “He was after the Hooded Hood got to us. Before that he was my boyfriend. Don’t ask. It’s messy.” Mumphrey scowled at mention of the Hooded Hood. “Oh, Iolobaoth was the last to manipulate us but not the first. Jarv got his access to the Jarvis cosmic, one of the manifestations of the fundamental forces of the Parodyverse, after meeting this Utopian secret race. He fell in love with one of them and married her.” “Lo-Chi,” Mumphrey recalled. “But she and her whole people weren’t what they seemed. They were that Interdimensional race the Nebulus.” “Yep. And they wanted to breed Earth’s heroes to use in future conquests, so they set poor Jarv up to gather us together and unite us as a team.” “Jarvis certainly seems to have done that,” Mumph admitted. “Seems to have been a bit arbitrary in his membership choices and expulsions, but then…” “Oh, we were all a bit crazy in those first few months,” Lisa explained. “We were always stealing winning lottery tickets or fighting evil doubles or invading countries. Jarv just tried to ride the tiger.” She grinned. “And I don’t mean our dates. Pre-brother dates, of course.” “You were deputy-leader back then?” “Unofficially. I just told Jarv what to do and if he didn’t do it I arranged for it to happen anyway. Like getting Vizh into the LL.” “That was you?” “Don’t tell him. Anyway, Jarv was our natural leader in those days. Anytime he was around people followed him, even when he lost his powers for a while.” “But he died,” Mumphrey said softly. “Oh yes. To save us twice. The first time when he gave up his future to Samhain, Destroyer of Tales, to get a way of beating the Hooded Hood’s plot. Then Samhain arranged for Jarv to find out about the Nebulus plan for the LL and he sacrificed his life to thwart them.” “Heroic indeed,” Mumph agreed. “And unfair!” Lisa flashed with anger. “The bloody Destroyer of Tales steps in to get Jarv, and his supposed friends the Chronicler of Stories and the Shaper of Worlds do nothing! Chronicler is another iteration of the person who became Dark Knight, you know, and Jury… well that little witch used to be Jarv’s girlfriend back before she died in a car crash and wormed her way into cosmic office! And neither of them lifted a finger!” “You hold a minor cosmic office yourself,” Sir Mumphrey reminded the amorous advocatrix. “Guardian of the Book of the Law? You know that we are circumscribed by duty.” “Crap,” snorted Lisa. “If it comes to a choice between duty written down in some musty mysterious tome and saving my friends, the tome loses every time!” She calmed herself down. “Anyway, Jarvis died.” “And you became leader?” “Actually I’d led the team before that, when Jarv was away on one of his many long quests. I’d just let everybody bicker until they were exhausted them pointed them at the baddie. Plus, y’know, a pain and pleasure rewards system.” “Your short tenure is well regarded.” “It wasn’t my short tenure they were looking up, Mumphrey. Anyway, I served my time so when we needed another leader after Jarv…” “You framed Visionary?” “Not immediately. We tried this rotating chair, which wasn’t what Yo thought it was at all. Different folks had a go for a week at a time, Enty, CSFB!, Hat, Donar – that week featured a lot of smiting – even spiffy. But in the end Visionary made the mistake of saving the team during the Acts of Ambition, so we made him Leader to stop him getting smug.” “I imagine he pretended helplessness as a means of promoting endeavour in others?” Mumphrey suggested. “It was a really good act,” Lisa considered. “But we got Troia in to administrate for him, and she just prodded him with her spear every time he looked like he was nodding off.” “People tend to underestimate Visionary.” “It’s not easy,” noted Lisa. “But somebody must have felt he had a place on the team,” Mumph noted slyly. “Every group needs cannon fodder,” the first lady of the Lair Legion answered ruthlessly. “Then many of you original Legionnaires left?” Mumphrey remembered. “Reformed the League of Regulars, which was the original name for the LL.” “Tax reasons,” Lisa explained, “and also we wanted to give the next generation a chance. Little Finny was just bursting to grow into a great team leader, and Hatman was rock solid deputy material. And the world seemed to be getting colder and the threats kept getting bigger, and it seemed like the team needed more organisation and less fake man jokes.” “Not sure I agree,” admitted the eccentric Englishman. “Camaraderie and esprit de corps very important, what? But young Finny certainly made a go of the team.” “He’s been leader for longer than anybody else, even if you don’t count the time in absentia or comatose or replaced by evil twins. His deputies, Hatman and later G-Eyed, tended to do the tactical field deployments.” Lisa smiled. “Poor G-Eyed.” “Mr Katz? He had a few problems during his acting leadership, I gather.” “Some serious personality clashes, leading to him firing Nats. The team nearly fell apart. But again, I suspect Ioldobaoth was behind a lot of it. He usually is.” “That Hooded chap needs takin’ down,” grumbled Sir Mumphrey. “No offence, Ms Waltz. Know you’ve been close.” “I’ve been close to most people,” Lisa smirked. “Sure, he’s got that sexy Latvian accent and that aura of power thing and all that confidence, but… yeah, I’m sure the LL could take him out if we tried. Maybe. If he wanted us to.” Mumphrey scowled and moved on. “Finny seems to have concentrated on institution, the procedures and protocols and equipment and resources, and on developing the team as a fine responsive policing force.” “Yeah, Andy loves that stuff,” Lisa agreed. “He’s like the superhero’s superhero, and he plans things to the nth degree.” She frowned a little, “But I’m not sure whether the LL holds him back, now. Stops him from becoming what he could really be…” She shrugged. “Ah well, I guess that brings us to you!” “Astoundin’,” Mumph snorted. “I would never have guessed.” “You’ve expanded the team like no-one has since Jarvis. You’ve brought in all kinds of experimental stuff. Made us feel like a family again.” “Bickering and dysfunctional?” “You have this grandfatherly presence, Mumph. We can’t help but react to it like grandkids.” Mumphrey hmphed. “So now Finny’s coming back and you’re handing the Legion back to him,” Lisa noted. “Of course. Needs to be done, what?” “Suppose the Finster decides he doesn’t want to lead again. Who gets the job then?” “Team decision, I’d say,” Mumphrey suggested. “My tip would be young Boaz. First rate character.” “Hat’s just back from the dead, he’s putting his life together, and he’s getting over Whitney,” Lisa pointed out. “He could do it, but he’d end up becoming even more of a repressed emotional retard than he is now.” “Yo, then,” Mumphrey suggested. “Dancer. Visionary again. You.” “Yo would get all bent out of shape doing the leader stuff,” Lisa warned. “I don’t want Yo hurt. Dancer needs more self-confidence still, though she’ll be great for the job one day. It’d be funny to make Vizh do it again, but we’d have to find him first. I’m still getting back into heroing after a baby-break.” “Nats?” suggested Mumphrey, and they both snorted with laughter. The first lady of the Lair Legion leaned forward. “We have a number of people who could do it, but none of them are natural fits right now. Except you.” “Old, trying to keep my abilities secret, and not a member,” Mumphrey reeled off. “Effectively immortal, able to co-ordinate from base most of the time, and you’d be voted in like a shot,” Lisa countered. “Hmm. Can see why you make a good solicitor, Ms Waltz,” Sir Mumphrey admitted. “We’re called attorneys over here,” the amorous advocatrix reminded him. “Although I’m good at soliciting too.” “Well, I’m very much touched at the warm gestures and kind words of the lads and lasses,” Mumphrey admitted. “But really I need to move aside for young Finny. Can’t be hovering over his shoulder like the ghost at the banquet, don’t y’know. Awkward for both of us, bad for discipline.” “Just as long as you’ve got the points in mind. And I don’t just mean the ones Dancer showed you in the bathroom.” “She meant well,” said Mumph. “If it had been me in the tub you wouldn’t have got off that easily.” “Noted.” “Good,” smiled Lisa. She kissed Mumphrey, grabbed her loose hair and twisted it back into a knot behind her neck, then started looking round for her scattered underwear. “Anyway, I’ve done my bit to try and convince you, right?” “Absolutely, m’dear. Vigorously.” “Good.” Lisa winked, saluted, and slipped away. Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2004 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2004 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. |
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