Baron Zemo's Lair. - <font face="arial,helvetica" color="blue">The Journal of Sir Mumphrey Wilton, Extract Fifteen: <I>In which we travel America in a pink Cadillac and have a discussion with some Men in Black</i></font>

Baron Zemo's Lair

The Journal of Sir Mumphrey Wilton, Extract Fifteen: In which we travel America in a pink Cadillac and have a discussion with some Men in Black
Saturday, 25-Sep-1999 07:46:44
203.29.113.3 writes:

The Journal of Sir Mumphrey Wilton, Extract Fifteen
In which we travel America in a pink Cadillac and have a discussion with some Men in Black

Have met bodyguards before, usually flanking the opposition. Large, lumbering chaps built like Joe Bugner on steroids, generally possessed of rather monosyllabic vocabulary. Was therefore pleasantly surprised when two security attendants recommended by Banjooooo and spiffy turned out to be two personable young people with the ability to answer in whole sentences.
ManMan and Exile turned up at our suite in the New Parody Tower and introduced themselves. I’d just got off the phone to young Bautista, explaining that the reason why his lab kept blowing up every time he tried to activate the mysterious gadget he’d built from the controversial plans everyone was hunting was because there was a vital gadget missing which we were now hunting for. In the background I could hear young Tina commenting that that didn’t explain the other seven hundred lab explosions.
Discovered that American bodyguards wear the most remarkable outfits. Apparently two fashions, one spandex, mask and black leather jacket, the other all-white leather bodysuit unbuttoned to the waist. Chap could catch his death of cold like that. Said so. Exile explained that ManMan had based his “superhero look” on a popular crooner, which explained a lot. Exile needs a haircut.
Was rather unsure about whether these two rather young chappies were really going to be anything but a liability when a familiar voice piped up, “Don’t worry Mumph. They’re not as inept and useless as they appear to be at first glance.” Was delighted to recognise the tones of Knifey, that good old sentient knife. Haven’t seen him around since before that unpleasantness at the Reichstag. Spent some time catching up on old acquaintance. Felt much better with old Knifey on the team.
Stood the young people breakfast. ManMan and Exile hadn’t met my amanuensis Asil Ashling before and were very curious (but polite) about her origins as Ms Waltz’s clone. Exile observed that this must be what Lisa would be like if she was not an evil nymphomaniac. Asil corrected the young fellow, arguing that Lisa was in fact not what he said but a cosmically-huge doo-doo head. Nice to see Asil standing up for her relative. Took the opportunity to chat with Knifey, but noticed he wasn’t yet revealing the full story to young ManMan. Kept mum. No business of mine.
Sent the boys to hire us a suitable vehicle to go and explore Death Valley. Rather expected a Land Rover, or Jeep as the Americans like to call it in their quaint colonial way. Was surprised when they turned up having acquired a pink Cadillac. Asil was delighted however, so we made do and set off down some route or other to visit the plot of desert land that Leonard Hopkins, the draftsman of the mysterious plans, had owned for some reason.
Interesting journey. Cadillac had some tape player machine, so ManMan introduced us to the popular croonings of this chappie he’d styled his uniform on. Turns out that the entertainer was nothing but a hound dog who lived in a place called Heartbreak Hotel. Still, fellow had a deuced good voice. ManMan explained that he was the king, but didn’t say where of. Exile demonstrated previously unrevealed ability to use standard road maps to get us absolutely lost even on a straight desert highway until Asil took the AAA guide off him and got us on route with her usual efficiency.
One slight unpleasantness en route. Stopped by police roadblock where constables were investigating most unpleasant murder. Plane crashed in nearby field, pilot decapitated (head missing), clearly not crash damage. Nasty stuff.
Found nearest town to place where land was (out in Death Valley). Last Chance Gulch had once been a respectable trading post. Now it was more or less a ghost town, with only a dozen or so of the sixty houses still occupied. Arrived at sundown, pleased to have some cooler air (although the night must have become very chilly for ManMan with that open shirt). Exile suggested local bar. Found all occupants of town (27) present save for Old Zeke, who was expected. Old Zeke is local mule-wrangler and oldest inhabitant. Must remember to find out how one wrangles a mule.
Even in absence of Old Zeke some of the people remember expedition twenty years back to locate downed weather balloon out in the desert; actually, about in the location that Hopkins bought a plot of sand. Led by chap with foreign-sounding name of Dr Peter Nomodov; must remember to have Asil look his credentials up. Assistant was fellow who matches description of Hopkins himself. Wondered if Hopkins might have found and concealed weather balloon and returned on his own later having acquired the land to reclaim some experimental technology of Nomodov’s?
Everyone assured us that old Zeke could help us more, so Asil agreed to go and visit his cabin whilst I continued to chat with the locals and get directions for our desert trip tomorrow. Slight squabble between Exile and ManMan as to who should accompany my amanuensis, but eventually Exile went with her on the mysterious grounds that “you [ManMan] got first shot at Troia.” .
A couple of locals took us up onto the ridge to point out the route to ManMan and I. They were halfway through a sentence when they stopped. Turned to look and found two mysterious chappies dressed in black suits and sunglasses holding up strange pen-device which had apparently hypnotised the locals.
Next thing I remember is coming to again. Must have been zapped myself. However, fellow in black who was doing the zapping had been rather preoccupied by Knifey embedding himself into his inner thigh and was screaming on the floor and trying to dislodge the blade. Reached for temporal pocketwatch and stopped time around me while I could work out what was going on.
It was about this time that Exile and Asil reached Old Zeke’s cabin and found his decapitated body. The head next to it was that of a much younger man in a pilot’s hat.
Back at the men in black, I relieved Man in Black number two of his hypnotism dooberry and returned to where I had been when I stopped time. When I let time roll forwards again ManMan snapped out of his trance and made short work of the second fellow. I then helped Man in Black number one to staunch his wound and call for an ambulance on his cellphone.
While I was doing this ManMan used the hypnotism dooberry to put prisoner number two under a trance and ask him what was going on. Seems these Men in Black were covert government chappies (Knifey apologised) and the area in the desert was the suspected crash site of a UFO! Of course, all of this happened twenty years ago. So they wanted to know what we knew. Instead we made them forget about us and go away. Shame we had to give those hypnotism thingies back, but otherwise questions might have been asked.
Asil and Exile returned with the gory news re Old Zeke. There followed the usual prolonged police statements etc, and then a really anticlimactic visit to a desolate bit of desert where there was no clue whatsoever to help us. Did ask Asil to check up on this Nomodov fellow, and traced him a day or so later to a Canadian outfit called the New Tomorrow Foundation. Asked to speak to the Director on the phone but was told that he had been tragically murdered, beheaded, and that gruesomely the head of a grizzled old man had been found in bed beside the corpse.
Asil and I fly to Quebec tomorrow to investigate the murder.

CONTEST: Name the two mystery villains associated with this story for ten points each, and extrapolate the two superheroes who therefore get involved next episode for a bonus five points apiece. Avoid answering in the title line please so as to preserve the puzzle for other readers.