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Mythology Interlude - being the villains' perspective on the invasion of the deities in "The Challenge of the Gods" story cycle Friday, 06-Aug-1999 17:42:34
Mythology Interlude “’Begin at the beginning’ the King said gravely, ‘and go on till you come to the end; then stop.’” Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll “I rage, I melt, I burn/ The feeble god has stabbed me to the heart” – Acis and Galatea II, John Gay “I wonder if we could contrive… some magnificent myth that would in itself carry conviction to our whole community?” Plato’s Republic, Book 3, 414 Outside the walls of Herringcarp Asylum the eternal fires of Tartarus smouldered dark red and the only sound was the rusty scrapings of ancient chains where the Titans had been banished in the dawn of mythology. Inside the asylum a terrified string quartet played the finest performances of their lives hoping it wouldn’t be their last performances and the hunchbacked assistant Flapjack lurched around serving canapés. The gods of the sleeping pantheons had awoken and the age of humanity was over. Now all that remained was a future in which men and women were puppets for the amusement of deities, and all human achievement was overthrown. So the Hooded Hood was giving a dinner party. “I like to bring the Asylum here sometimes and watch those terrible, massive figures in their eternal agony,” the Hooded Hood reflected, gesturing to the leviathan forms who twisted in their adamantine chains. “It reminds me that no matter how awesomely powerful an enemy is there is always a chance to bring him down.” “I don’t believe in Titans,” Zemo replied, sipping his schnapps. “I don’t believe in gods either. Those things running rampant across the Parodyverse are just very super-powered aliens or psionic thought-forms or something. And like all immensely powerful beings they are vulnerable to being manipulated.” “That’s why you agreed to serve them, and why you are currently doing unspeakably villainous things from your fortified moon?” the Hood noted. “You have always had a tendency to sign up with all the major evil moments, haven’t you, Heinrich? First that tedious little man with the toothbrush moustache, then the Parody Master, now these people…” “And you have always been too proud to seize the moment and tread upon the path to glory,” countered the Baron. “You could have had your pick of countries, of planets, to rule for the gods.” “What makes you think we need gods to make us rulers of countries or planets?” the cowled crime czar shrugged. “Men such as us make our own destinies. And it is better to rule in hell than to serve in heaven.” Zemo disagreed. “Better to serve in heaven and wait until God turns his trusting back. And that’s more or less my plan right now.” The theological debate was interrupted by giggling from the fireside. The diabolical Dr Moo and Pearson’s Porter were sitting with their arms linked round each other trying to feed each other champagne. “It’s disgusting,” Zemo frowned. “She should be getting on with the work I have assigned her, important preparation for the coming reich of Zemo, not flirting and simpering with that moon-destroying clown.” “I have little liking for Pearson’s Porter either,” the Hood admitted. “He entangled Lisa in a rather cruel scheme using some kind of love-inducing technology.” “I would have thought that was rather like trying to sell oil to Saudi Arabia?” “Nonetheless, I rather see it as my job to entangle that particular attorney in sinister manipulations. On the other hand, he is a useful source of information on the Puppeteers, who in turn may give us some insight into the Imps…” “Wait a moment,” Zemo commanded. “Who are these Imps and what have they to do with the current situation?” The Hooded Hood strode over to his Portal of Pretentiousness. At a dramatic gesture, the glass shimmered to display an athletic looking superhero going about the business of fighting crime. “This is Flag, one of those tedious patriotic wartime heroes from one of the outer reality strands. He gained his power through a pyramid left by a race called the Imps and went on to do all the usual derrings.” The image flickered to show the same figure some years later, this time in a business suit. He had one hand on a bible and the other raised to make an oath. He was in front of the White House. “This is James P. Worth, technological millionaire, being elected President of the United States of America. His status as a superhero is not publicly known. In fact Worth has been elected on a ‘suppressing Flag’ ticket.” Zemo stroked his masked chin. “Hardly the act of an honest-as-the-day-is-long patriotic hero,” he considered. The Hooded Hood gestured at the beaming Worth. “Hardly. Somehow the rivalry between the two kept Worth’s Q-figures high and allowed Flag to do immense damage to Worth’s business and political rivals. But all of this comes to an end.” Now the image showed a handful of superheroes battling Flag in a TV studio; and the videotape with James P. Worth’s secret deception on it was somehow broadcast. “These genuinely honest-as-the-day-is-long individuals call themselves Freedom International,” the Hood narrated. “Convex, Carrier, and Ozone. These are the ones who were involved in a fracas with the Dark Knight,” Zemo recognised, determined to demonstrate that he too had sources, and didn’t need some fancy mirror to keep up. “So this… Freedom international exposed Worth, ruined his scam. And now they are somehow appearing in this reality.” “A lot of strange glitches are occurring in the main reality at the moment,” the Hooded Hood reported, his green eyes focussed far away. “For example, at the moment that buffoon Visionary has got an infant child, and spiffy is in danger of doing something useful. But Worth is here too, and somehow he’s the key to all of this gods business. Which means we need to know more about the Imps.” The two archvillains turned in unison to stare at Pearson’s Porter. Moo and PP finally became aware that they were being stared at. “If you have quite finished playing Mork and Mindy,” Baron Zemo spat, “ we have some serious business to consider.” “I don’t really want to rule a continent,” Pearson’s Porter apologised. “It’s more fun just being immensely, obscenely rich, and I am. I guess you could say I’ve taken over the world by buying it.” “And I don’t want to rule the world either,” Moo pointed out. “Just use it as a lab rat.” “This isn’t a question of whether you want to rule the world,” the Hooded Hood declaimed. “It’s a question of whether you want someone else to rule it.” Pearson’s Porter and Moo considered this. “Very well,” PP replied at last. “How do we take these gods down, then?” The Hooded Hood swirled his grey cloak. “I had hoped that the Grim Reaper would join us for our little journey,” he told them, “but clearly he is preoccupied elsewhere. Hence we four must boldly go where no man has gone before.” “And that would be…?” Moo asked. In the centre of a gas giant whose red spot was wider than the whole planet Earth, Samhain, the Destroyer of Ideas, crouched in solitary splendour, considering what he might do next. Jupiter felt a nice safe place to avoid all the wild creative energies which called themselves gods, but was it safe enough to avoid the appointment he foresaw coming? With a ripple of energy the Portal of Pretentiousness flashed open beside him. A bubble of liveable, breathable space, courtesy of Pearson’s Porter shimmered into existence, and four figures walked through the silver rectangle to find him. “You,” the Destroyer of Ideas hissed as the cowled crime-czar followed his three guests through the Portal. “There was no point trying to avoid me in the Philippines,” the Hooded Hood smiled. “After all, we had our ordained meeting here.” Still, the Hood reflected, the Philippines hadn’t been an entire waste of time. After all, NTU-150 now owed him a massive favour for saving Tina; and the cowled crime czar intended to collect in due time. “I am Zemo,” the masked monarch told Samhain unnecessarily, stepping forward. “I have come to charge you to do your office.” “My office?” Samhain hissed. “Who are you to charge me to do mine office? I am one of the great powers. I may not be bidden by a disfigured mortal and his rabble.” Moo prepared her anti-testosterone spray. She had a feeling she was going to be needing it soon. “He is a citizen of the Parodyverse, and one of the greatest of your achievements,” Pearson’s Porter pointed out. “How many stories has he ended on your behalf, Samhain? How many times have you needed him?” “You have been approached according to the proper forms,” the Hooded Hood argued. “You have been bidden to summon the convocation. Do so.” Samhain’s face was momentarily transformed into something ancient and terrible, but then he seemed to mask it again and nodded. And with a gesture everything was transformed again. There were three bright lights, arcing down out of infinity. In the first, clad in black, stood Samhain, Destroyer of Ideas, the Ending of Stories. In the second, clad in red, stood the Creator of Tales, the Shaper of Worlds. And completing the triangle, clad in brilliant white, was the Preserver of Narratives, the Chronicler of Stories. Within these three the whole business of the Parodyverse was reflected. Sometimes they were far less than they were now, but here, gathered by the due forms, in solemn triune enclave, they were the forces which moderated the universe. Ravens swarmed in the darkness beyond. The Hooded Hood struck a match on Samhain’s armour and created a fourth little circle of weak firelight. “How nice to see you all getting on for once,” he quipped. “You have a huge effrontery, standing before us like this after what you did,” the Shaper told the cowled crime-czar. “Why shouldn’t we just toss you back into Comic-Book Limbo and have some peace?” “Because I know the rules as well as you do,” the Hood answered. “Besides, we’ve come to make a consumer’s complaint,” Pearson’s Porter added. “We don’t think you’re living up to the job descriptions you’re supposed to have.” “Things have frankly gone downhill since Carrington left,” Moo told the new Shaper. “And since Dark Knight did whatever it was he did that no-one understands that made him human and left himself behind as Chronicler.” “The point,” Baron Zemo asserted, drawing the conversation back together, “is that we appear to have rather a lot of mythological nuisances rampaging around the Parodyverse, impregnating young women as showers of gold, demanding tribute, hurling high-voltage worship incentives and so on. And we require you to do something about it. No,” the Baron corrected himself, drawing up to his full stature, “ We command it.” “One day soon I’m going to do something so horrible to you that…” Shaper promised. “More horrible than a disfigured countenance, a frozen wife, a shattered life, and being the most hated man in the world?” snarled Zemo. “Take your best shot, fraulein!” “You have caused more deaths, horror, and misery than the most puissant or archvillains could ever have hoped to,” the Hooded Hood accused the trinity. “Now you have the temerity to threaten us because we have the vision, the courage, and the initiative to seek to put things to rights?.” “Enough,” the Chronicler spoke, and everyone fell silent. “Your case is heard. You have submitted your plea in the proper form, and now there shall be answer.” “I never got to ask him about getting cable TV,” PP whispered to Moo. “Don’t get us annihilated,” she elbowed him playfully. “We have considered,” the Chronicler spoke, after a few seconds or perhaps an aeon. “The release of the ancient pantheons is beyond our right to interfere. Our ability to curtail their conquest is circumscribed by the same rules you have just invoked. There is nothing we can do.” The Hooded Hood laid a restraining hand on the angry Zemo’s shoulder. “Wait,” he advised the masked monarch. “The Chronicler is choosing his words very carefully. There is nothing they can do. But there is something they can fail to prevent.” “I see,” Moo understood. “They can choose not to act to prevent us from dealing with the gods. They can fail to stop us as we transgress barriers that would normally be held inviolate by their power.” Zemo’s eyes had a wild gleam at the thought. “The possibilities…” “One detail,” the Shaper of Worlds boomed. “That is all we shall allow. One detail.” “Done!” agreed the Hood. One minor change was all that he would require. “I want to retain the empire I have gained,” Zemo warned the triumvirate. “And I want all of you dead,” Samhain responded. “One of us will get our wish.” Then with a sudden pulse like a heartbeat, the four villains were snapped back to the comfortable stone surroundings of Herringcarp Asylum. “You always give the most interesting parties,” Zemo admitted as he prepared to return to his dominions and once more become a marshal for the deities. “May we leave the detail of the minor alteration to you?” “Already done,” the Hooded Hood admitted. “It won’t show up for a while yet, but when it does it will be just enough to tip the balance.” “You must come and join us at one of the stages of our honeymoon,” Pearson’s Porter told the archvillains. Flapjack leered. “You – aren’t – married!” Zemo shouted at the entwined couple like a fundamental preacher. “There remains only one thing for us to do before we part,” the Hooded Hood prompted. “I brought Herringcarp Asylum to Tartarus so as to have our meeting in a place where the gods would not eavesdrop, but also for one other reason.” As always, the masked monarch was quick to grasp schemes of revenge. “The ancient enemies of the gods, the Titans from the chaos before time, are imprisoned here. And they are a force every bit as powerful, perhaps more powerful, than the pantheons who now beset us.” “Nothing like a little distraction from the main event, is there?” the Hooded Hood suggested. “I have an electronic lockpick,” Pearson’s Porter offered. And a multiverse away, ex-president Worth made a choice which would topple gods. TO BE CONTINUED BY DARK KNIGHT AND FINNY The Hooded Hood |
| Mythology Interlude - being the villains' perspective on the invasion of the deities in "The Challenge of the Gods" story cycle (The Hooded Hood) (06-Aug-1999 17:42:34) |
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