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Mumphrey and Asil, by Dancer
Premiere #39: Darkest Before the Dawn
The heroes of the Parodyverse gathered in the conference room aboard the SPUD helicarrier to receive their final mission briefing from Dan Drury, commander in chief of the last remaining army of resistance to Technopolitan rule on Earth.
“Awright boys and girls, lissen up. We got one more chance to do this an if we screw it up then the world becomes the personal chew-toy of the Red Watchman and his band of psychopaths. So let’s get this right. First the military position. Contessa?”
SPUD superspy Natalia Romanza rose and pointed to the map. “The nations marked in red are now vassal states of Technopolis. The ones in orange are nominal vassal states but with strong and active resistance factions within them. The blue nations are still with us, although some have very curtailed capacity to assist.”
“There’s also the little problem of getting all that remaining military personnel and materiel to Parodiopolis is under an hour,” pointed out Exile. “I don’t want to be a doomsayer, but unless we can bring all that force to a point…”
“We’ll get to that,” Drury promised. “Go on, Contessa.”
“At 0350 local time, 0850 Zulu time, the vast majority of the Technopolitan air force and support vehicles with a large quantity of robots and aerial combat drones, supported by a significant contingent of airborne metahumans, set off from Technopolis on three intersecting paths centered on Parodiopolis. It seems clear that their objective is to neutralize the last remaining significant base of resistance – us.”
“Hey, wait a minute, Contessa!” objected Trickshot. “I thought Technopolis was jammin’ all long-range radio communication and satellite signals and junk? How do we know all this?”
“From Cap and his west coast team,” HV explained. “He’s sent us some very good intelligence.”
“But how?” persisted Trickshot.
“A very old military method indeed,” Pigeonman of the JBH announced smugly. “Carrier pigeon. Technopolis can’t track every bird in the skies.”
“They can,” Xanadelle warned him, “but it wouldn’t occur to them to do so. Very clever.”
“The assault force is taking its time on the approach, circling to attack the city from all directions at once. We estimate the first assault will begin around dawn, 0622 local.”
“How do we defend the city this time?” Ziles worried. “We burned out the force field generator and we’re massively outnumbered.”
“Mayhap we shalt fly forth and engage yon brigands before they e’er reach the city?” Donar suggested. “They can’st menace none if we smitheth them from the skies.”
“A computer simulation of that tactic shows an abject failure to stop them,” Al B. Harper warned sadly. “Even if every hero here engages ten ships more than two thirds of their force gets through while you’re doing it. The cities aren’t defensible.”
“Right,” agreed Drury, chewing down on his cigar butt. “And we ain’t going to defend them.”
“What?” CrazySugarFreakBoy! was only the first on his feet. “We can’t leave people here to die or be enslaved. We’ve got to…”
“Sit down,” Dark Knight said. “Drury’s right. We can’t win this way. Hear the man out.”
“If we fight here then we lose, and if we fight in or over the city then there’s massive collateral damage and civilian casualties too,” the SPUD Director reasoned.
“If we abandon Gothametropolis and Parodiopolis to the invaders then we hand them millions of hostages,” argued spiffy.
“They already got millions of hostages,” Drury responded. “They can just as easily hold Chicago, or New Orleans, or Arachknight City or wherever else that want hostage already. So we bug out. And we move the fight elsewhere.”
“To Technopolis itself,” said Premiere.
“What?” Nats frowned. “How? I thought they had defenses?”
Drury pointed over to Hacker Nine who was sitting uncomfortably at the end of the table flanked by Phase Shift and Falcon and gnawing his way through a bag of cheese puffs.
“Oh, yeah,” the science villain admitted. “Your Dark Knight dude had me and Technovore introduce a few glitches into the Technopolitan main computer banks. At 0655 the whole of the Technopolis force field grid overloads and the city goes wide open.”
“Out best information is that the Watchman has asserted personal mental control over all the city’s systems now,” Miss Framlicker objected. “He’ll just override your sabotage.”
Premiere shifted in his seat. “Unless he’s distracted,” he said quietly. “That’s my job.”
“And the rest of us block for him while he runs for touchdown,” Hatman explained. “Then if we can get inside the city we take down the Science Council and take control.”
Drury rose to his feet again. “Meantime, we hit the other major Technopolitan presences to stop them reinforcing home base. I got Cap and his crew pinning down LA, an we’re sending the rest of the Abandoned Legion to support ‘em. I’m posting the JBH to Brussels. We got the restored New Battlers covering Washington. And we got a few other allies that might be a surprise.”
“Akiko Masamune!” Visionary gasped as Drury held up a color photograph of the Hong Kong crimeboss. “But she’s nearly Lisa-level evil!”
“An she’s going to make Hong Kong a Technopolis-free zone fer us,” Drury replied. “Likewise we got the Order of Order working to clear out Seattle. And the Wakandybar Airforce will clear Southern Africa.”
“That’s really great, I guess,” Goldeneyed admitted, “but there’s no way I can teleport all these forces to where they need to be in… twenty minutes from now!”
“I know,” the SPUD director acknowledged. “Don’t sweat it. We got it covered.”
“How?”
“Classified.”
“I still don’t like the idea of leaving Parodiopolis and Gothametropolis York undefended,” admitted De Brown Streak. “The resistance was strongest here. The bad guys are sure to take reprisals.”
“True,” Xander the Improbable agreed. Nobody had realized he was sitting there until he spoke. “Very well then. You go ahead with your plans for Technopolis. I’ll gather a few associates who can be defenders here. Leave it to me.”
“Who?” Sorceress worried.
“Trust me,” the master of the mystic crafts asked. He didn’t mention that his team was going to consist of Space Ghost, the inconceivable Yurt, and Mad Wendy. The heroes had enough to worry about already.
Drury crushed his cigar underfoot. “Right, you got your assignments. Foom, I want you LL guys on point. HV, Jackie, get your people ready for transport. Harper, I want this bucket of a helicarrier back in the air a quarter of an hour ago. Wilson, you’re on air screen. Move it, people! We got ourselves a war.”
___________________________________
Sir Mumphrey Wilton stood on Salisbury Plain Proving Grounds holding the full regalia of the office of Holder of the Chronometer of Infinity. It wasn’t often that he used them, preferring to limit his power to human levels of small-scale time manipulation. Still, the fountain pen, walking cane, and Inverness cape were part of his regalia and could be used to magnify his power to cosmic levels when the circumstances were right.
“Good day, chaps,” he said in a crisp clear voice, and by the power of his tools he could be seen and heard in a thousand depots and military bases around the planet. Soldiers, sailors, and airmen came to attention, knowing that the time had come.
“The ruler of Technopolis has made a mistake,” Mumphrey told them. “He has struck our peoples a cruel blow, believing that by that blow he will break us to submission and slavery. Like so many bullies and tyrants before him he believes that his superior force gives him the ability and the right to do whatsoever he pleases to those whom he has the power to hurt. And therein lies his error.”
“The human race does not cower from what it fears. It learns, and develops, and grows stronger through adversity, and then it conquers what has frightened it and ensures it will never threaten us again. If we receive a blow we do not tremble and grovel. We endure. And we remember. And finally we respond, and our response is decisive.”
Mumphrey pulled at his whiskers and went on. “Most of you are volunteers. You freely chose to serve your country because you felt it was important to protect the things you valued, the ideas and the people. You felt those things were important enough to hazard your life for, important enough to die for if you had to. Many of your comrades have made the same choice and the supreme sacrifice. Today we respond, decisively, and in doing so we honor those who died for their beliefs and we stand for those we cherish.”
“Technopolis is undoubtedly more advanced in its technology. It is unreservedly more willing to commit the extremes of atrocity to gain its ends. But it has yet to fathom the true heart of the warrior, the spirit which overcomes steel and fire to prevail. And it has yet to comprehend that it is hope which spurs us to do the impossible and gives us the strength to achieve victory against all odds.”
“Today we prove this. In a few moments you will move out. Do not be surprised when you find yourselves undertaking the journey of many days in a matter of moments to arrive at your destination. Simply cling to your hope, fuel your spirit with the knowledge that you fight for the most important things a human can strive for – freedom, safety for those you love, justice, and eventual peace – and let us together teach Technopolis a lesson they have not learned in all their years of study.”
“Once more into the breach… and God speed!”
___________________________________
“The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but can never forget what they did here. It is for us, the living, rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they have thus far so nobly carried on. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us, that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave that last, full measure of devotion; that we here highly resolve that the dead shall not have died in vain; that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the Earth.”
Abraham Lincoln, from the Gettysburgh Address
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