Welcome to The Lair Legion, the first ever Trickshot/ Mr. Epitome team up!
“YOU DIRTY SON OF A ^&%$! If you think you can just muscle you way in here and take over the Legion you’ve got another thing coming!” Trickshot, the Arrogant Archer yells as he storms into Mr. Epitome’s little office in Lair Mansion. “And another thing!” Tricky pulls out an electronic listening device and slams it down hard on the desk, “No more listenin’ on people’s private life! It’s none of yer business buster!” “What makes you think that was mine?” Dominic Clancy keeps his calm. He didn’t get to be head of the Office of Paranormal Security by allowing hot heads like this buffoon to get his goat. “We BOTH know damn well it’s yours Epitome! Mumph may have wanted you on the team, but I know better. He’s a great guy and all, but he’s naïve. I know the real score! And when Finny gets back from space with DK, then you’ll get a sound booting out! Reindeer-breath won’t stand for it! He showed you that before! And you’ll see.” “I can assure you Mister Bastion that Sir Mumphrey Wilton knew exactly what he was doing when he offered me membership. When Mister Foom returns he’ll understand this. Now if you would kindly leave my office I can get back to work and you can get back to whatever it is you do all day.” “Was that a slight? Want me to come around that desk and shove your OPS pencil sharpener up your..” “Trickshot! Mister Epitome! I dare say you two are the perfect chaps for the job at hand.” Sir Mumphrey Wilton exclaims from the doorway.” “And what job would that be?” Epitome asks. “There seems to be a gathering of protestors outside of city hall.” “Yeah? So? That’s their right.” Trickshot defends. “I’m not arguing that. The problem is they might start a riot. Their trying to get some super baddie oink pardoned and they are being right uncivil about it. I want you two to check it out.” “Me? With him? Oh this ought to be fun.” Tricky replies with thick sarcasm. Mr. Epitome follows him out the room, “You could always let me handle it.” “Not a chance Stripsey. Just don’t get in my way.” “Likewise.”
City Hall. Where deals are made and changes are planned. Today a group of weirdly dressed people want a change to be made in a bad way. They are drifters, loners, people who needed a cause to stand behind. Their leader became obsessed with a new villain who appeared on the scene. So, wanting to emulate this villain, he created KISS. It stands for Killer Ingenious Shrike Society. They all dress up in badly made up versions of his costume and get together to discuss what their hero’s motivations are. They are boarder line religiously fanatic. Today they have littered thousands of sticky paper flyers with Killer Shrike’s face on them all over City Hall’s steps. They read “PARDON KILLER SHRIKE!” in bright red letters. As Trickshot arrives in his Sky Cycle Mr. Epitome already was there, talking to the KISS people. “Alright people. Time to break it up. You do have the right to peaceful assembly, but littering public property is NOT one of your rights. Please separate and go home.” The Star Spangled Splendor informs the populace. Seeing the smug face of someone clearly the far right of their hero is like striking a match to a gallon of gasoline. “YOU CAN’T MAKE US STOP! WE HAVE RIGHTS! YOU JUST HATE THAT WE LIKE HIM INSTEAD OF YOU!” “Look,” Tricky interrupts. Epitome rolls his eyes. “We don’t care if you idiots like Mr. Pony, just that you shut up about it and get outta here!” That wasn’t a match. It was a torch. The screaming is so loud clear distinct voices can’t be heard, but the message is clear. The throw picket signs and sticky flyers at the heroes. “Well! THAT calmed them down.” the Exemplary Man responded to the Battling Bowman as he swiped the sticky papers off his costume. “Shut up.” Is all Tricky could reply. Neither were making much headway on the papers so Mr. Epitome took a more direct approach, speeding fast around them he created a mini cyclone that sucked the rest of the papers and signs to the middle of the street. “Show off.” Tricky replies as he aims an arrow over the KISS people’s collective pony tailed heads. A net falls over them. As the Exemplary Man speeds to a halt Carl Bastion simply replies, “There! All gift wrapped! You couldn’t have done better Stripsey.” “I prefer not to entangle civilians in nets.” “WRONG HUMANSSSS!” a voice familiar to Trickshot calls out. “Youuse always netting fisssshes! I have cooome too teeeaaach youuse leassons!” “What did he say?” Mr. Epitome asks. “That’s Goldfish. He was from an undersea kingdom but was exiled for trying to take the place over.” The covered-in-papers Trickshot explains while aiming an explosive arrow at his old foe. “I haaave retuurned! The suuurface world muuusst ssstop killing fisssh!” The smell of fish drying in the sun is strong as the gold plated, super strong Fishyman stands defiant. The Exemplary Man tries to reason with the former JBHer and hater of the surface world, “Let’s settle down and discuss our views reasonably please.” “REEASOON? Yoau wouad uuase reason noaw, while soo many of the uunderseaa citizzzens pearisssh at your kindsss haunds? I’LL SSSHOW YOOU REAASOON!” In one leap Goldfish has reached the trapped KISS representatives and set them free with a swipe form his razor sharp shiny claws. Goldfish raises his other shiny gold plated arm to begin killing the frightened picketers, but a well placed man hold cover smashes into his arm. “OOAAAWW! DIE SUUURFACE DWELLAR!” Goldfish leaps at Mr. Epitome, springing himself far enough away from the civilians for Trickshot to use his explosive arrow. KABOOM! Goldfish is thrown into a street light. “Why did you do that?” Epitome barked, “You ruined public property needlessly!” “Yeah, yeah, thank you too tight ass!” Tricky replies while notching another arrow. Goldfish lets out an inhuman growl and leaps at Trickshot now. Tricky lets the next arrow fly but the sea creature bats it out of the air as he crashes into the archer. With metal talons Goldfish rips at Carl. Cloth and skin are torn, but the mesh of Tricky’s costume mostly protects him. The Exemplary Man grabs Goldfish by the tail and swings him into a building. Trickshot, tattered, still covered in sticky advertisements and now smelling like fish, says, “So it’s ok for Mr. Government to break stuff, just not a tax paying citizen like me?” “That was different.” “Sure. Right.” Tricky brushes off the dust and pavement “Face it Stripsey. You’re all set with your hidden agendas and government missions but the truth is you have no clue.” Goldfish leaps for Epitome from the hole in the broken brick wall. Epitome simply moves his right arm and super strong fist up to punch the twisted Fishyman coming up from behind. The hero doesn’t even flinch or turn around, but keeps the same incredulous expression on his face, “I’M clueless? You’re a load mouthed idiot with no comprehension of the people around you and YOU’RE calling ME clueless?” Goldfish falls back, his golden chin cracked. He just stands there, dazed. Trickshot fires a small concussion arrow with a blur, and the villain falls over, out. Carl kept his eyes on Epitome the whole time, “Yes. Clueless. See, way I figure it is you’re just like a lion.” “Huh?” “You can’t help but be a controlling, double faced, go-his-own way manipulating prick. It’s just your nature. A lion can’t help but be a predator, a man eater. You could raise it with a lamb, but eventually it’s in born nature kicks in and it kills its lamb ‘brother’. Ooops.” Tricky gives a sly grin, “Guess it slipped up. THAT’S the thing. Mumph thinks we’ll change you, and maybe deep down you’re thinking he’s got something there, but one day you won’t be able to help your self and show your nature. The truth will out itself and whatever you’ve set up will crash in your face. You can pretend to be workin’ for the country’s greater good, but let’s face it. You’re no Captain America. Your true nature will out itself, just like the lion and you’ll try to eat the lamb.” Tricky turns but then in a flash of well trained skill he lets fly a simple arrow. It’s an inch away from Epitome’s nose when the Star Spangled Splendor catches it. “Ooops. When you do slip up, I’ll be there. I lost the Legion to death once. I WILL NOT loose it to undercover spy &*^@. Clear?” Bastion’s gaze is as deadly as a hungry croc. Clancy’s gaze is as deadly as a hungry shark, “Crystal.”
After the feds have taken away Goldfish, and the members of the Killer Ingenious Shrike Society have dispersed begrudgingly, Mr. Epitome wastes no time in leaving for his office. Trickshot is still thinking of their confrontation as the sun set when his Sky Cycle runs out of gas and he crashes into a fence a block away from Phantomhawk Memorial Hospital.
The End.
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