Tales of the Parodyverse

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ag
Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 11:47:19 pm EDT

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Trickshot weighs in on the Mumph issue
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Trickshot weighs in on the Mumph issue


Night at Lair Mansion. Well, at least what passes for night these days. The skies are no longer black but a deep dark purple at night time instead.
Sir Mumphrey Wilton has had insomnia many times before in his long, extended life. This time his lack of sleep has to do with his resent visits from various members of the Lair Legion. Each one as different from the other as apples is from oranges. Yet they all had the same concern that Mumph was to leave after Fin Fang Foom’s certain return. And each one shared the same conclusion that he should properly join up and continue on with the team.
So, it’s with Dancer’s attempt that he has found himself entering the kitchen for a late night spot of tea.
After all, who could be up at this hour?
That’s when he saw Carl Bastion, the Arrogant Archer Trickshot, sitting at the kitchen table.
“Couldn’t sleep either huh?” Tricky asks. He’s still wearing his green and violet shirt and green pants, although his boots, mask, quiver, gloves and belt all are missing.
“Lot on my mind dontcha know. Thought a spot of tea would fill th’ spot.” Mumph helps himself to the tea bags and upon searching for a mug finds the one labeled “World’s Fakest Boss” was the only one clean. It was a present to Visionary a few years back.
“So what keeps our resident master of the bow and arrow up at night?”
“Dreams. Had a real doosey. My home Earth wasn’t destroyed in it and I wus back there, tryin’ to figure what was what. Been havin’ th’ same dream for a week now. What about you?”
Sir Mumphrey doesn’t want yet another opinion on a decision he has already settled on so he keeps the answer veiled, “Just current events, what? Nothing particular.”
Carl snorts.
“Have you something on your mind young Bastion?”
“Come off it Mumph. This place might be older then the hills but it’s still small. I heard th’ whole thing. Dancer visited you during your bath this evening.”
“Surly you didn’t eavesdrop?”
“Haw! C’mon, I might be hard to live with but I’m not a sicko. That’s Flapjack. No, I heard it from the kid. Foxglove told me all about it.”
“An where did the young CrazySurgarHeroChappie hear of it?”
“Yo told ‘em. Point is she might’ve gone a bit too far, but her heart was in th’ right place.”
Feeling resignation at the realization that his late night solitude has faded away, Mumph sits at the table with his tea. After a sip he calmly replies, looking at his mug instead of at his insomniac partner, “And I’m to presume you share the opinion of Mr. Epitome, Hatman, Al B. Harper and the fair ladies Yo and Dancer?”
“Look, you’re as old as they come. You have no powers and I have never seen you fight. But every time there’s a big giant threat stacked up against the world, there you are. Every fricken time. An every time you come out smellin like roses. Heck, you even manage to beat the bad guy without anybody knowin’ how. There was a time when I wus talking to AG. We were bringing up all sorts of heroes an’ your name came up. I asked what he thought about this an’ he said he knew exactly how you do it. I tried to pry it out of him but he wouldn’t budge. Boy scout twerp.”
“See hear young Bastion! I will not be having you insult a friend of mine or pry into my affairs.”
Carl waves him off, “Don’t need to get your tea cozy in a bunch Mumph. I don’t really care what’s the deal an’ as for my speaking against AG, I wouldn’t say anything behind his back that I wouldn’t say in front of it. He gets me. He knows this is all I am. An’ so do you.”
Calming down rather quickly Sir Mumphrey realizes Carl’s point, “I’ve served Her Majesty among gents like yourself. You get the job done when the chips are down, eh?”
“Heh. Yeah I do. An’ you know when I’m razzing ya and that I’ve always had the most respect for you. I said you’re as old as they come, but th’ real mystery is that you don’t ACT old. You have a fire inside you that I’ve seen in the best of ‘em. The guys tell me you don’t want to step on toes when Reindeer breath comes along. That you’re afraid you don’t have what it takes to lead us or remain with us. Yet every time you work with us we think better, we act better, we learn better. I like what we are when you’re around. That’s not imposing, that’s not improper or anything. I know you have secrets. I don’t care what they are. But if anyone ever tried to discover them or hurt you I’d defend you with my life to make sure you keep ‘em.”
“Right proper of you chap, but truly this is a decision of my own to make. Best I make it on my own conclusions, right o?”
“Of course. You’re a big boy. I’m not goin’ to threaten to step down from anything or take my clothes off or nuthin’. After all, I don’t want to scare you away. Just remember th’ points.” He gets up, beer in hand and holds up the other hand, marking each point with a finger, “One, we’ll fight and die for you. Two, we stand by your decisions, even the tough ones like Flag pole butt joinin’, cause we trust you. And three, it ain’t an imposition if we want it. An’ we do.”
Carl walks to the kitchen door and says in closing before he leaves, “So pull your head out of your butt and listen to your friends Mumph.”


End



Ian, the same applies to you friend. We love ya and you’re not taking over us by being the lead. We want your leader because we collectively look up to you and have spontaneously voted that way through our writing.
Please don’t be mad.

Ok Kirk, Bill, Ryan, Chris, thud, TAG! Your turn!




a.g.
Amazing Guy






Scott?s Site! Featuring Caption the Pic (where action figures talk!), Amazing Tales on the Web (stories and micros of the Parodyverse!), and JLA Micros (The entire JLA, as micro heroes!)



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