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Post By The Hooded Hood's concluding double-sized chapter of the Villainous Intentions arc, where the Parodyverse is changed forever. Sat Sep 04, 2004 at 11:08:54 am EDT |
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#169: Untold Tales of the Lair Legion vs the Hordes of Armageddon | |
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| #169: Untold Tales of the Lair Legion vs the Hordes of Armageddon Previously: Count Armageddon (Belasco Medici) and the many science villains of the rogue nation-state of Badripoor have conspired to lure the entire Lair Legion into a trap designed to destroy them. Medici has arranged the framing of spiffy (Mark Hopkins) for murder on the eve of the Gothametropolis Mayoral election in which Hopkins is a candidate and has attempted the assassination of Sir Mumphrey Wilton. However, other forces are also at play, and when Armageddon assured himself through supernatural means that no current Legionnaire was aware of his plots or prepared to resist them he did not realise that Fin Fang Foom, the Dark Knight, Sir Mumphrey Wilton, HALLIE, and Asil, none of them current Legionnaires, were preparing a trap of their own. “Okay,” demanded Lindy Wilson of Hacker Nine and Fetish Lad, “Explain to me why you’re not dead, and what’s happening inside that big black dome thing in Guatemala. And this better be good.” Fetish Lad gave Zack Zelnitz a you-brought-her-here look and sighed. “It started when Fin Fang Foom and the Dark Knight got back from space much earlier than anybody realised,” he sighed. “They’d had some time to think about things back here on Earth and they’d made plans to do things a little bit differently.” “By pretending to be a supervillain mercenary called the Confiscator,” Falcon’s runaway little sister surmised. “They needed to go undercover,” H9 answered. “DK had the combat and espionage skills, and Finny can shapechange. Sometimes the Confiscator was Finny, sometimes DK. That was to confuse people who were trying to figure his ID. And they added all kinds of red herring clues as well, links to Blackbird and Zemo and so on.” “The alien warhound was a great move,” Fetish Lad applauded. “It gave Finny a reason to be around when he wasn’t being the Confiscator and added to the confusion.” Zack agreed. “So when they ‘killed’ me and Fetish Lad here, it wasn’t really our bloody bodies and severed head and stuff…” “It was a shapechanged Finny,” Lindy deduced. “Right. Which is why all of the Confiscators’ victims’ bodies were removed. Except that gangster, who DK really popped. Finny was world-class pissed about that.” “And except Sir Mumphrey’s corpse,” Lindy noted. “That got burned but they took the remains for autopsy and they verified his DNA by…” she glanced over at Hacker Nine. “By computer.” “Yeah,” grinned Zack. “The computer confirmed everything to them. I dunno where DK got that burned body from, but it sure wasn’t Mumphrey.” “Sir Mumphrey had to be in on it, of course,” Fetish Lad added. “Finny briefed him when the dragon supposedly went back to the LL for a while. It had to seem like the Finster couldn’t cut it anymore and just quit. Actually, Finny shifted shape and sneaked back in and it was him disguised as Mumphrey that DK shot as the Confiscator.” “That must have hurt,” Lindy winced. “I guess. I know Finny made sure his vital organs weren’t in his head in that shape.” “So the LL all knew about this?” H9 shook his head. “DK had learned that Armageddon had some kind of way of telling if the Legion were heading into a trap. They had to really fall for it, otherwise it wouldn’t work. So the only people who knew the truth were non-current Legionnaires – Finny, DK, Mumphrey, HALLIE, and Asil.” “HALLIE and Asil?” “They needed HALLIE to project realistic people to the previously-evacuated town of Sanarate. They couldn’t let Armageddon’s goons take real hostages.” “Sanarate may be the first city in history to all take an expenses-paid holiday to Europe at the same time, courtesy of Bautista Enterprises,” Fetish Lad interjected. “And Asil… well, I don’t really understand what Asil had to do,” H9 admitted, “but it was something to do with carrying Sir Mumphrey’s pocketwatch along on the mission so he could be there at the right time too.” “And the murder of that politician guy, Dr whoever, that was a set up too?” Fetish Lad’s face fell. “No, that was Armageddon taking direct action himself. He did that to lure Mumphrey out so the Confiscator could get him, but also as a favour to the Lynchpin of Crime who wants spiffy gone. In fact the Lynchpin wants spiffy killed tonight.” “That’s why you let me call Kerry Shepherdson and warn her,” Lindy remembered. “Right,” Hacker Nine agreed. “We had to tip someone off. And you told her where the evidence is to clear spiffy’s name. I can’t get to the database because it’s isolated from all outside systems, but I know just where it is.” “So you’ve been working with DK and Finny all along to take down Badripoor?” Zack Zelnitz scratched his scrubby hair. “Well… since they caught me at NORAD, yeah. That DK can be really scary.” “And they recruited me to the operation early,” Fetish Lad added, “I’ve been babysitting Zack here and stopping him from doing anything too bad. Except calling you.” Hacker Nine gestured to the computer array. “My job was to infiltrate the C&C systems that Armageddon’s people set up and subvert them. DK took the Negativity Barrier generator those Abhumans used against Paradopolis a while back from the LL vaults and set it up to isolate the battle zone.” “And instead of the Lair Legion heading into an ambush and certain death, they’ve been filled in at the last minute and are turning the tables on the ambushers,” Fetish Lad concluded. “This is way better than taking down pimps on the Strip.” “Wow,” smiled Lindy Wilson. “Not bad, you guys.” She patted H9 on the shoulder affectionately. “Not bad at all.” Count Armageddon had gathered together over three hundred evil or corrupted metahumans in the Guatemalan town of Sanarate to ambush and destroy the Lair Legion. The sudden appearance of the negativity zone barrier formerly used by the Abhumans in their attack on Paradopolis had taken him by surprise and had neutralised many of the mutates and minor forces at his disposal. The unexpected revelation that the mercenary Confiscator who had set this up was Fin Fang Foom, and the subsequent tail-hammering from the full-size Makluan dragon had also helped to ruin his day. Letitia Gahagan, the genius Idiom whose anti-hero devices had just been suborned by computer virii from Hacker Nine, looked up at the vast dragon and the looming urban legend Dark Knight and nodded to herself. “Of course. Makes sense now. Both were the Confiscator at different times. Clever.” “Don’t admire them!” yelled Count Armageddon. “Kill them!” In the plaza Visionary held the LairJet low enough for the Legion to tumble out. Falcon, Hatman, and Nats took point, flying over the heads of Sir Mumphrey Wilton and Dancer and engaging the first wave of science villains. Falcon launched off a spray of choking knockout gas to keep Blast Zone and Dreamripper occupied. Nats pyrokinetically detonated the ground around Musk Ox and Appendage Man. Hatman used his jets hat and flew straight into Dimensionweaver. Then Mr Epitome hurled himself right at Quake. Ultraninja was ready for them. He leaped from the shadows, landing nimbly on one wing of the LairJet, and reached into his pouch for explosives that could detonate the vehicle. But suddenly Yo was beside him. “Yo thinks that Yo is able to be fighting uncute Ultraninging. If you are wanting to fight somebody, fight me!” And suddenly it was a Jackie Chan movie. “Keep it up, guys,” CrazySugarFreakBoy! called as he toppled over Mood Swing, filling the villain’s mouth with silly string as the emotion-manipulator attempted to announce what debilitating feeling would cripple the opposition. “We have all the best moves and we are so much cooler!” Genetwist reached forward to grab dull thud, but found a matter manipulator of greater skill dwelled within the rumpled roadie’s intestine. ~~I believe you will find we don’t like you~~ Cressida explained to the DNA-rewriting scientist, resisting his power. “Yeah,” agreed dull thud applying the Glasgow kiss to the science villain – a sharp forehead to the enemy’s nose that Genetwist really hadn’t expected. thuddy followed it up with a hobnail boot to the groin to make sure the enemy stayed down. Rimshooter was the first to take back the initiative. He metamorphosed his forearm into an energy cannon and took careful aim at Nats. Then suddenly his world shivered around him and he found himself summonsed inside the LairJet facing a determined-looking woman in leather underwear. Then he saw a spiky high heel rising towards his chin. Then he saw no more. “F&%£ this!” Spinoid shouted, losing patience with the combat and triggered off his exploding spines into the melee, hitting friend and foe alike. “I do not think that is a legitimate part of the reproductive process,” noted the Manga Shoggoth, oozing around the reptilian science villain to prevent any more sprays of missiles. “I understand that flowers and candlelight and ritual displays of posturing are usually required.” “Okay folks,” Al B. Harper’s voice came over the Lairjet’s external speaker. “Now!” The Lair Legion closed their eyes a fraction of a second before the high-intensity strobe in the aircraft’s lighting rack went off. Fleshcrawler and HuntingJustice DeathMarrow both dropped quivering to the ground. The rest of the Legion used the diversion to press the offensive. “Tolstoy,” declared the Librarian, transferring the whole contents of the Russian giant’s literary works into Dreamripper as she tried to root into Lee Bookman’s brain. “You’ll like him, he’s gloomy.” But Anvil Man stopped trying to swat away CSFB! and instead hurled himself at the LairJet, crumpling its nose like tissue paper and ripping his way towards Visionary in the cockpit. The vessel wavered as Expired Warranty screwed up its command and control systems and it skewed into the ground. “Uh-oh!” swallowed Visionary, trying to unfasten his safety harness before Anvil Man ripped his head off. “You keep away from him!” Asil Ashling warned, performing a leap that landed her feet squarely in the middle of Anvil-Man’s flat-topped helmet just as the rust-covered villain was balanced to attack. With a rude word Anvil Man toppled back off the wreckage and plummeted to the ground. But Appendage Man was there to take his place. “Pretty,” he hissed as he reached out towards Asil. Visionary slipped out of his pilot’s chair, waited until Appendage Man was leaned over it, then pulled the emergency eject cord. A fast-moving metal seat slammed into the many-limbed villain at escape velocity. If Expired Warranty hadn’t messed the jet’s wiring the roof would have opened to let him and his chair out. As it was there was a nasty splatting noise. Huntmaster chose his moment carefully, waited until he had Dancer’s head in his sights, and squeezed the trigger. Trickshot’s arrow entered his rifle just at the moment the chamber detonated. The backlash sent Huntmaster flying backwards, where he was pinned with glue arrows. “Later, Hunty!” Trickshot called across to his downed foe. “I gotta go find me a baddie that’ll put up some kinda fight!” Then Quake hurled Mr Epitome across the battlefield, scattering heroes and villains like ninepins. That was just as well, because a four hundred foot Makluan dragon was the next to fly limply backwards into the melee. Count Armageddon rose up from the ruins of the post office. Tendrils of his kaos energy snaked out across the battlefield, searing through heroes as they twisted and crackled. Dancer, Hatman, thud, and Nats all twitched and writhed in his grip, as the heroism burned from them and new darker ideas flooded into their minds. “Now…” Belasco Medici promised wrathfully, “we play this my way!” The summer storm gathered without warning over the Atlantic ocean and came in fast, bruising the sky purple then turning evening to night with a pelting sheet of angry rain. Winds lashed the abandoned Flanagan funfair that still rotted in the shadow of the Safe’s concrete walls, and the downpour hammered across the glazed windows of the super-villain prison watchtowers. Keepers Doyle and Brannigan carefully shut off the monitor feeds to holding cells 611 and 219. “It’s time,” Brannigan grinned, “to get rich,” Doyle picked up the electronic keyring and followed his workmate down the echoing halls. Behind force-field and reinforced steel a who’s who of super-powered killers crouched in sullen boredom. The prison guards marched to a cell near the end and unsealed the doorway. “This way your ladyship,” they said to Mindy Kovskolski, a thin brunette in a classic ballet leotard and tutu. “It’s time for your trip out.” Razor Ballerina gave them contemptuous glances as they unlocked her power-dampening harness and she strode past them like a prima donna. They guided her four floors down and led her to the end of a short darkened corridor. “He’s in the interview area,” Doyle told the killer. “Thinks he’s having another visit from his attorney.” “All the monitors are off,” Brannigan added, “but don’t try anything you weren’t contracted to do. You kill the little zit then go back to your cell. The Lynchpin sees to getting you out and the money goes straight to your hidden account, okay?” “Be careful as well,” Doyle noted. “He can generate plants from his head and who knows where else? His weed is strong, fast, and it can divert and absorb energies.” The Razor Ballerina shrugged. She could generate razor-sharp blades from beneath her flesh that could penetrate almost anything and her merest touch could leave a man shredded to pieces. A boy with a fern would be salad in seconds. “Get out of my way,” she told the bribed guards, speaking for the first time. Her English was Russian accented and her voice was pure malice. It was a long time since she’d been able to kill anyone and the voices in her mind screamed to be quietened. She glided down the darkened corridor and opened the door to spiffy’s holding cell. Her tutu caught fire. “Watch out!” called Ham-Boy. “Intruder!” “On it,” called Fashion Accessory, transforming the burning leotard into a straight-jacket. The Razor Ballerina, taken by surprise by these sudden attacks, flinched and shredded the restraints around her. “Be careful!” growled Glory the Mutt of Might. “I know this villain. She can…” Then the room was sprayed with sharp flying spikes. Ham-Boy’s meat vision conjured tons of mince that slowed the momentum of the missiles. spiffy’s fern knocked aside the two dozen razors that cut through. “Oh yeah,” noted Kerry, lobbing a can of spray paint at Mindy Kovskoski. “I remember her. She fought Dancer once, so she can’t be that tough.” The can exploded in the Ballerina’s face as the propellants combusted. Glory moved forward in a blur of velocity and hammered herself hard into the Razor Ballerina’s face. The super-powered dog yelped as her hide was shredded by contact with the villainess, but Glory had known this would hurt when she decided she needed to stun the enemy. “You are all dead!” Kovkoski warned them in Russian, staggering up after a faceful of fast-moving canine, her nose bleeding. The drops of her blood that splattered to the floor cut tiny holes in the concrete. “I fear we musteth use fell force for the nonce,” Harlagaz Donarson noted. “Mine apologies, my lady.” Then he hit the stunned Razor Ballerina with spiffy’s metal chair. The seat was shredded to pieces but the villainess tumbled to the floor and lay still. “See, Mark,” Kerry told the prisoner they’d come to liberate, “visiting you didn’t turn out to be that boring after all.” “What’s going on,” Mark Hopkins blinked, staring down at the dishevelled fallen villainess. “I never fought her before. I’d remember a hot ballerina chick in my rogues gallery.” “Like our informant said, the Lynchpin wants you murdered,” Fashion Accessory explained. “And clearly he’s got the resources to get to you even in here.” She twirled around for a moment and then she was dressed in the same costume the Ballerina had worn before Kerry had started on her. “Excuse me for a moment.” She trotted out of the door and went to talk with Doyle and Brannigan. “Verily, when we didst hear about thy unfair imprisonment in this donjon foul, we didst know twas our fates to come and rescue thee, frail coat-rack!” Harlagaz explained to spiffy. “Wait! So you’re not here as legitimate visitors?” Mark worried. “No,” Ham-Boy told him with a sigh. “This is a jail break. You can’t really stay here and get murdered in your cell, and we have a lead to where we can prove your innocence, a database with evidence in it. You have to come with us.” “It’s election day tomorrow,” spiffy objected. “Nobody’s going to vote for an escaped supposed murderer.” “Where as they’re sure to vote for an imprisoned one,” Kerry scorned. “Now c’mon. We don’t have much time and we have to get going.” Samantha Bonnington sidled back into the cell. “Those two guards won’t be bothering us,” she assured her team-mates, “although they may need surgery to extract the pantsing of a lifetime.” Fashion Accessory had complete transmutative control over clothing and a nasty imagination. “How do we get out of here?” spiffy asked. “We hie us to mine father’s goat-chariot,” Harlagaz explained, “Ere he noticeth.” “And then we’ve borrowed a LairJet,” Ham-Boy added. “Visionary kind of donated the activation codes. Involuntarily.” “We should go quickly,” Glory yipped. “Harlagaz’ storm is passing.” The demihemigod of thunder was still young and his weather phenomena sometimes suffered from premature lightning discharge when he got over-excited. “Okay,” surrendered spiffy. “Get me out of here.” He winced as Harlagaz grabbed his shoulder and propelled him forward. “Where are we going again?” Kerry grinned happily. “Badripoor,” she told him. “We’re invading Badripoor.” “Kill your former friends, my new minions!” Belasco Medici called to the heroes he had turned to evil. “Hmph,” growled Sir Mumphrey Wilton, using his temporal pocketwatch to replay that backwards. “I think not.” He shifted events back until the moment the archvillain had hurled Fin Fang Foom across the combat zone and made a few adjustments. “Now,” Belasco Medici promised wrathfully, “we play this my way!” Epitome, who had been hurled away by Quake, cannoned into the master of Badripoor and cut loose. Count Armageddon was stronger than the paragon of power, but he’d never bothered to learn pugilism. Medici snarled and burned off more of his kaos energies to hurl Epitome away from him. “Stop playing and get organised,” Count Armageddon commended his troops. “Don’t let them use teamwork against you.” The Dark Knight hit him from behind and toppled him down into the decimated town square. “Take him down with teamwork,” the urban legend advised. “On it,” Hatman agreed, shifting to his Bulls cap and charging the villain. “Oh yeah,” agreed Trickshot, smacking a screecher arrow into Medici’s ear, “That’ll keep him from using those green energy-tentacle thingies!” But just then Mood Swing’s psionic attack overwhelmed the heroes, filling them with hopelessness as they realised the odds against them. Their assault faltered and the enemies started to rally. Brokenface managed to grab Falcon and the villain’s enhanced jaws shredded away one wing from Sam Wilson’s combat harness. Expired Warranty caused all the gadgets on Al B. Harper’s person to explode, sending the LL’s scientist sprawling to the ground with first degree burns. Flashfry lashed out with one of his blazing energy constructs, searing Mr Epitome and Nats beyond their respective powers’ abilities to cope; anyone else would have been reduced to ash. Musk Ox got in a lucky shot that crumpled dull thud to the ground and left Cressida unable to see through her host’s senses to focus her powers. Pain Hook linked into the nervous systems of the Librarian, Dancer, Asil, and the Dark Knight and seared them with agony. “Now…!” leered Armageddon, reaching out and grasping Hatman by his throat. The capped crusader struggled to get his Steelers cap in place before his neck was snapped. Then Visionary gut-punched Mood Swing and toppled the emotion manipulator into a heap of pain. “I’m always facing hopeless odds,” the possibly-fake man explained. “I’m used to feeling like this.” “Yes,” agreed the Dark Knight, grinning madly as he walked towards Pain Hook. “And I know agony. We’re old friends.” He got as far as the hurt-giving science villain and then there was an unpleasant crunching noise. The tide of the battle shifted again. A massive draconic wing slammed down on Flashfry and Expired Warranty. Then Fin Fang Foom rose up again and snatched Hatman from Armageddon’s grasp, aided by judicious temporal tinkering from Sir Mumphrey Wilton. Dimensionweaver struck, using her gifts to open micro-portals between realities to attack her enemies. Denied the full range of her abilities by the negativity barrier she decided on simply opening holes in the hearts of the Legionnaires. “Fascinating,” noted the Manga Shoggoth, rising up around her and containing her effects. “I really must study how you accomplish that.” Dimensionweaver had no time to even scream as the Shoggoth opened a chtonic portal and bundled her back to his main mass in the Antarctic. The physics he used had heard of the negativity barrier but didn’t believe in it. Atop the LairJet Yo stopped thinking s/he was as good at kung-fu fighting as Ultraninja and decided s/he was better at using a rapier instead. Ultraninja looked in disbelief at the thin tine of steel the pure though being had put through his chest and toppled off the wing. “This way, Yo!” Visionary called to him/her. “I think I saw some more baddies over in that building there.” Yo didn’t look the way the fake man was pointing. Instead s/he punched him in the face crossly. “Is not you to be cute-Visi!” s/he chided angrily. “Yo is to be knowing cute-Visi.” The Indigo Impostor staggered back and took the shape of Donar instead. “Fine,” he hissed. “I’ll kill you the hard way.” “Yo is thinking you are to be being the one who impersonated cute-spiffy in the murdering of poor Dr Shales!” “So?” the Impostor demanded as he went in to kill the deputy-leader of the Lair Legion. “Prove it!” “A LairJet?” VelcroVixen demanded of the technical staff at Count Armageddon’s Badripoor palace. “Approaching our airspace?” “Yes, milady,” the B.A.L.D. contract technician agreed. “Coming in on an erratic flight path.” “All the Lair Legion are busy in Belasco’s trap in South America,” Vicki Vee puzzled. “And anyway they must know that we have automated defences here that can smear their silly little plane across the sky.” “We’re getting a message from the Lairjet,” the technician reported. “It says… All of Your Base Are Belong To Us!” “What? Who sent that? What does it mean?” VV shook her head. “Never mind. Destroy them. Blow them from the skies.” Just then a bold of lightning hammered into the palace computer centre resetting all the systems. And when they came back they were under new management. “Hello there!” smiled the slightly-zitty face staring from the computer screens. “I’m Hacker Nine. You might have heard of me from such capers as the Technopolis War or the Great Espionage Database Swap. I’m just setting all your automated weapons to self-destruct. It shouldn’t take a minute. Hold on…” VelcroVizen screamed in rage as billions of dollars of high-tech apparatus blossomed into fire across the city-state. “Madam… the LairJet!” called the B.A.L.D. technician worriedly. “It’s still coming!” “Where’s it going to land?” VV demanded. “Quickly!” “Nowhere, madam!” the technician panicked. “That’s what I mean. It’s heading straight for the palace. Straight for this room! And it’s not stopping!” And in the incoming aircraft three voices screamed. And the gist of what each of them was saying was: “Kerry, this wasn’t part of the plan. You’re getting carried away.” One additional voice was adding, “Verily let the smiting of the felons begin for the nonce.” And an anxious woof was noting, “The Lair Legion will be quite cross about this. There will be no chocolate biscuits.” Then twenty-two million dollars of LairJet impacted with three billion pounds of luxury palace and super-villain fortress. The Junior Lair Legion had arrived. Keiko shifted painfully beneath the rubble from the explosion that had destroyed the nineteenth floor of the Lynchpin’s tower in Gothametropolis. Even now the fires were spreading upwards and the structure swayed unsteadily on its damaged foundations. The strange visitor from another narrative realised that a man was lying on top of her, and he had taken the brunt of the blast to spare her. “Let me guess,” she said to Messenger as she heaved him off her. “You’re a superhero.” “Psychotic rogue vigilante,” the postman answered through gritted teeth and he dragged himself to his feet. “You?” “Tourist.” Messenger looked around the blazing inferno that was all that remained of Harry Flask’s stronghold. “I guess we’d better get out of here then,” he suggested. Keiko had gone. “So I suppose getting a drink together afterwards is out of the question?” the postman muttered. Keiko trailed him quietly until she was certain he would escape the blazing building then vanished into the darkness. “You might have the appearance of the hemigod of thunder,” CrazySugarFreakBoy! noted as he kicked Indigo Imposter in the backs of his knees to drop him down for a faceful of combat candy, “but you don’t have his real strength. Or his moves. Or his determination.” “Also, Donar is probably to being conscious,” Yo added as the shape-shifting villain slumped to the rubble. “Unless it is to be being the morning after Valkyrie ValHalen Night in Ausgard.” Keep chattering away, little heroes,” Musk Ox told them as he grabbed CSFB! and Yo and slammed them together. “Meanwhile I’ll just crush your bones.” “Or not,” suggested Dancer. “Catch!” Musk Ox instinctively caught one of HuntingJustice DeathMarrow’s shattercannons just before it improbably exploded at his chest. “Hah!” he sneered. “You think that can stop…” Dancer pushed him over with her finger. “Yep,” she admitted. “I do.” But there was no chance at all of avoiding the roof Anvil Man dropped on her. “Hey!” objected Trickshot, blinding the unstoppable armoured man with a paint arrow across his helmet. “Nobody does that to Dancy!” Anvil Man detonated the goo from his armour and turned to kill the arrogant archer. “I’m gonna rip you to tiny pieces!” he promised. Sir Mumphrey shifted Anvil Man’s indestructible armour two minutes into the future. “Oh boy,” grinned Trickshot putting away his bow and clenching his fists. “This is gonna be good!” Across the battlefield Al B. Harper fed steel-jawed Brokenface the other DeathMarrow shattercannon and watched in satisfaction as the monster’s belly distended like a cartoon character’s before the villain toppled over. Al’s satisfaction was short lived as he was hurled hard against a wall by his own skin as Fleshcrawler rejoined the battle. Falcon moved in and took down the epidermis-manipulator with his one good wing before he too fell to Razorbarb, falling tangled in monofilament stands that could slice him to ribbons if he moved. Lisa took down Razorbarb with her whip, jerking him towards her then planting a throat-crushing heel into him. BlastZone detonated the LairJet, sending it up in a plume of fuel and a shrapnel of blazing parts. Lisa and Visionary both went down. Only a sudden wall of Manga Shoggoth and Nats’ abrupt nosebleed contained the damage so as not to kill anyone. That left the flying phenomenon open to a barrage of spines from Spinoid and he too plummeted to the wreckage. Quake dragged Mr Epitome up to continue beating the life out of him. He was surprised when the star-spangled splendour twisted in his grasp, rolled low to toss him over his body, and bowled him into BlastZone. At the same time Hatman took down Spinoid with his Cannons cap. Count Armageddon took careful aim with a massive piece of masonry and caught Sir Mumphrey Wilton from behind while the old man was checking on Yo and Dancer. Then he unleashed the last of his dwindling kaos energies to sear the dragon who was causing him so much trouble. As before, his kaos energies had no effect upon the Dark Knight who was already a dead man hollowed of all feeling or sentiment, but the Fin Fang Foom was vulnerable. “Come wyrm,” the master of Badripoor mocked, “It is time for you to truly join my team!” The Dark Knight couldn’t help Foom. He was keeping Quake from killing fallen Legionnaires. Hatman was down now, ambushed by Genetwist. Only the Serious Matter in the capped crusader’s brain was protecting him from the genetic modifications that would otherwise have twisted him to something monstrous. Epitome was struggling against a shower of Spinoid’s missiles. There was nobody to assist the dragon. “We’re the Lair Legion…” Finny gasped, battling against the influence of Armageddon’s kaos strands. “We fight the bad guys!” “Euch!” winced the Idiom from behind her command console. “That’s corny enough to be worthy of Dominic! But still…” She rebooted from backup, purging Hacker Nine’s influences, then directed the remaining assault cannons to all attack Count Armageddon. “Alright, Medici, you sad poseur of an inadequate loser” she called, “I quit!” The Manga Shoggoth dropped on Quake just as he finally smashed the Dark Knight down. Then the elder beast was stunned and imprisoned by Mystic Morgana’s prepared conjuration. Epitome thundered a steamhammer fist into Spinoid, shattering his skull. Belasco Medici screamed in rage as his own defences pushed him away from Fin Fang Foom. Finny took a deep breath then loosed his nuclear fire at the archvillain. Sir Mumphrey Wilton, who had replayed the debris incident to shift the rock forward in time so it didn’t hit him, apologised as he time-stopped Mystic Morgana, but didn’t as he flattened Genetwist again with a swing of his temporal pocketwatch. Quake thundered down towards him. “All the others can be stopped,” the villain from the future that possessed the amalgamated powers of many Legionnaires declared, “but I was created to destroy the Lair Legion!” “Hmph,” the eccentric Englishman noted. “Temporally displaced too, I see.” The Keeper of the Chronometer of Infinity looked up at the charging enemy. “I can sort that, don’t you know?” There was a shriek of rending time and the chronal field that had brought Quake from the future snapped. The villain was gone. The Idiom stared at the devastation that had been Sanarate. Of all the combatants, only Count Armageddon yet stood facing Fin Fang Foom, Mr Epitome, and Sir Mumphrey Wilton. She decided it was time to exit this supposedly-unbreakable black dome and be somewhere else. Things were about to get nasty. VelcroVixen pelted along the corridor away from the explosions. She found the concealed elevator to Count Armageddon’s subterranean stronghold and punched in the codes. The independently-controlled technology recognised her DNA and the high-speed lift dropped down at stomach-churning pace. She spilled out into the concealed chamber where the videodata was kept that showed Indigo Impostor murdering Dr Shales. Armageddon meant to use it once spiffy had received the death penalty to discredit Commissioner Graham’s investigation and so eliminate another bastion of law. But that isolated database wasn’t her goal now. Instead she moved to the sealed compartment marked with warning labels. Imprisoned within was one of the most dangerous of the Technopolitan science villains, the cruel and insane Biohazard. On his own world this creature had once depopulated a continent. “Time for you to get some exercise,” VelcroVixen quipped, tapping in the security information that would unlock the vault at her palmprint. “Belasco said if the good guys came calling then you would bid them welcome.” She swallowed a little nervously. “I guess we could do with a ninety percent population cull anyway,” she added. She never saw the command chair lift up behind her until it smashed into her skull. VelcroVixen crumpled beside the vault door. Beverly Campbell, whose mutuate gift it was to not be noticed, shifted to visibility. “I knew I should follow you after you asked me all those questions,” the girl who had been saved by the Confiscator declared. “You’re a real bitch, you know that?” Ten minutes later Harlagaz Donarson ripped through the stronghold door and found Beverly sitting with her feet up on the trussed villainess. “Watch out,” Sir Mumphrey warned Fin Fang Foom. “I’m out of temporal charge. Dealing with Quake took the last of it.” The dragon nodded and slammed his tail into Belasco Medici again. The veneer of the European nobleman had fallen away from Count Armageddon. The suave master of Badipoor, the aristocrat of taste and sensibility, the politician who intended to recreate the world were all seared away. Now there was only a brute composed of crackling kaos, a thing of raw malevolent evil determined to win the day and destroy every hero that stood against him. Mr Epitome leaped forward and belted him with enough force to crumple a juggernaut. “That one’s for Letitia,” Dominic Clancy growled. “And this one’s for America! And this one’s for me!” Armageddon made an animal sound and broke three of Epitome’s ribs. Finny came in as the man of might staggered back. Foom shrunk now to his familiar humanoid-draconic shape for in-close combat. He scorched Medici again, blasting away trailing streams of livid green energy. Count Armageddon struck back with bone-splintering force, so that now one of the dragon’s wings hung awkwardly and he couldn’t lift his left arm. Sir Mumphrey watched the battle, gauged where it was leading, and hurried away. Mr Epitome came back in and planted more blows on the staggering archvillain. His fists plunged right into the Count’s body, tearing seething green holes where the energy spilled out. Armageddon caught the hero’s head as contact with the kaos weakened Epitome and snapped it round to break his neck. Fin Fang Foom stepped up to stop the death blow, but Armageddon caught him a sharp stab to the midriff then plunged searing kaos-green hands into the dragon’s chest seeking his heart. Foom staggered back to get free, badly wounded, trying to stay on his feet. Armageddon laughed and slammed him to the floor. “It’s over,” the archvillain gloated. “Good lost.” He leaned over the crippled Makluan. “I win. I win the world.” “Not yetting!” yelled Yo, impossibly picking the archvillain away from the fallen Finny and hurling him back. “You are not be be fighting of just one hero…!” Yo staggered and tried to stay conscious despite the concussion. S/he didn’t stand a chance of defending herself. Dancer kicked Medici on a pressure point to keep him down. “You’re fighting them all,” she added. She was bloodstained and weak, she could hardly move. She was easy prey. “Banded together!” cried CrazySugarFreakBoy!, jerking the Count back with his Go-Go Yo-Yo. “To fight the scumbags no single hero can defeat!” Dreamcatcher Foxglove was woozy and could hardly keep on his feet. “A team!” Hatman explained, hitting the villain with all the force his Steelers cap could grant him. If he took the cap off right now he’s be dead. “And we just keep on coming,” Nats called, staggering even as he shoved Armageddon down again telekinetically. “Because that’s the job,” Lisa explained, ignoring her wounds to slash Medici’s face with her lash. “Why the bad guy’ll always lose in th’ end,” Trickshot added, hurling a dagger into the villain’s eye with his one working hand. “Why you,” the Dark Knight told Count Armageddon, rising up like the wrath of God and coiling back his arm, “are going down!” And something inside Belasco Medici broke. In that moment, as he saw Sir Mumphrey Wilton carefully cutting Falcon from the wires that bound him, as he realised the eccentric Englishman had called up the others, as he saw the Manga Shoggoth released from his imprisonment, as he understood that these truly were heroes, and they would come against him again and again and again, and would never give in, and that others would come after them, and yet more inspired by those that had fallen, he knew. He couldn’t win. He had lost. The Dark Knight’s fist sprayed right through his head, splashing faded Kaos energies in all directions. And so Count Armageddon fell. “It’s not enough that some people from outside came and battled the ones who were oppressing you!” spiffy called to the milling crowds in the streets of Badripoor. “If you really want to be free, if you really want to get rid of oppression and fear and make a better future, you have to do it for yourselves!” The common citizens of Badripoor, the poor, the victims, the wrenched slaves of a dozen criminal regimes, heard those words and rallied to the fight. The worm had turned. “Way to start a riot, spiffster,” Kerry approved. “You might just have potential yet!” The SPUD helicarrier hovered over decimated Sanarate as Colonel Dan Drury took charge of a the largest number of metahuman prisoners since the Technopolis War. “I thought you wus supposed to be dead,” the Director of SPUD noted to Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “So did Count Armageddon,” the eccentric Englishman noted. “His mistake.” “Who do we have to take into custody?” Contessa Natalia enquired. “Did you take down every one?” “A lot of them were caught by the time effects of the Black Dome,” Al B. Harper explained. “When it came down most of them were disoriented and weak so we were able to capture them.” “A few have escaped,” the Librarian added, still holding a cold compress to his head. “Yo, CSFB!, thud, Cressida, and Nats are hunting them. We still don’t know how the Idiom managed to shut down the Abhuman negativity zone generator but she’s amongst the missing.” “OPS problem,” Drury noted smugly. “Speaking of, how’s Epitome?” “Healing,” answered Visionary, limping over to join them. “He’ll be okay in a week or so. Finny’s stable too, and he says he’s had lots of practise taking major injuries recently. Everyone else is just kind of beat up.” “Great,” said Drury. “And your guys in Badripoor?” “What guys in Badripoor?” Dancer puzzled, rubbing the bandage round her forehead.. “Those kids you’re teaching. You know they busted spiffy outta th’ Safe and went and took out Badripoor, right?” “They did what?” shrieked Dancer. “Oh my,” beamed Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Jolly good show!” Visionary’s scream echoed across the ruins of Sanarate. spiffy sat on the steps of the ruined Grand Palace and stared at the city below. The worst of the fighting was over. Ham-Boy and Harlagaz had ended most of the fights. Glory was patrolling. He looked up gloomily as Kerry, FA, and Beverly Campbell came to join him. “Well,” he sighed. “We got the news,” Kerry Shepherdson told Mark Hopkins, sitting beside him and putting an arm round his shoulder. “Election results are in. Sorry, spiff, but you lost.” “We totally proved you were innocent, though,” Fashion Accessory added. “Just a bit too late.” “So the Lynchpin’s puppet is the next Mayor of GMY,” spiffy frowned. “And in two weeks time I’m out of a job.” “Actually,” Beverly told him, “not quite. You have a job offer. If you want it.” “I’m not going back to being James Jerkson’s copy boy,” Mark Hopkins said determinedly. Kerry turned his head so he could see the mass of people gathered at the foot of the stairs. There were a lot of them, and they were standing silently looking up at him. “They want a new President,” Beverly told spiffy. “Seems somebody told them if they took charge and sorted things out they could have a better future.” Mark Hopkins felt a cold shiver run from his fern right down his spine. “Hold it… Badripoor’s still swarming with supervillains, corrupt officials, bent cops, private armies, criminal masterminds, plots, factions, assassins…” “So who else should we call on to take charge then?” Kerry asked him. “Who could do it better?” “No,” said spiffy, firmly. “It’s probably not too late to see Jerkson and…” “Yes!” Kerry called down to the waiting crowds. “He says Yes!!” And Badripoor went wild around their new President. “Tell the Lynchpin from me that his dirty little schemes will only get him a six foot grave,” Messenger told the protection racketeer who lay in a bleeding pile before him. “Well, maybe eight foot to take the full paunch.” He wiped the blood from his knuckles. “Tell him this isn’t over.” “Did you enjoy your shopping trip to Gothametropolis?” the Hooded Hood asked Keiko, observing her dishevelled scorched clothing. “Shut up.” “So… they told me who you really were,” Beverly Campbell noted as the Dark Knight arrived in the Confiscator’s former apartment to remove his things. “I doubt that,” the urban legend told her. “You really were trying to save me.” “You were useful cover.” “You rescued me. You kept me safe. You killed the monster.” Beverly padded over to the Dark Knight and kissed him on the cheek. “That makes you the hero.” “Or the bigger monster.” Beverly shook her head. “No, you’ll always be the hero to me.” “Are you going to be alright?” DK asked gruffly. “Sure. I can’t go home, because I’m still a wanted mutate outlaw, but spiffy says I can stay here and be his secretary. I can’t type or file yet but he says I’ve got the biggest qualification I need.” “And what’s that?” growled the Dark Knight. “I don’t want to kill him.” “That’ll change.” Beverly smiled and stared out of the window and brushed her hair back from her face. “Y’know, that offer I made when I thought you were the Confiscator… about visiting me one night… Well, if you wanted…” But the Dark Knight was gone. “Lindy? You’re back!” Lindy Wilson looked up at her big brother. “Looks like, yeah.” “Where did you go? Are you okay?” “None of your biz, and I’m fine. You look like you got run over by a truck, though.” “I’m okay now that you’re back. Lindy, I thought I’d lost you.” “Nah. I’m here for a while, Sammy.” “Look, I’m sorry about Hacker Nine…” “No problem. I’m over it,” Lindy answered. “I know he’s in a better place.” “There is being no need to be telling of Visi.” Yo explained to Fleabot. “Is just to be that Kerry is looking after of very special bunny in guest bedroom that is to be needing special diet of Big Mac and fries and Yo is to be helping her to be keeping secret and is leaving of tray for cute fuzzy-bunny outside of door.” “Okay,” shrugged the robotic flea and went back to his crossword. “Are you sure about this, l’il dragon?” Lisa asked Fin Fang Foom in the Meeting Room at the Lair Mansion. “Nope,” admitted Andy Dean. “The LL’s been part of my life for as long as I’ve been superheroing in the Parodyverse. It’ll be hard to leave.” “Then don’t,” Dancer pointed out helpfully. “Problem solved.” “And what about everybody else’s problems?” Finny demanded. “What about all the victims of organised crime? About the kids hooked on drugs so somebody can get rich off them? About secret conspirators seeking to take away our rights and our freedom and lead us to a new feudal age? What about the voiceless who have no-one to speak for them and the helpless who have no-one to act for them?” “Hey, we do that stuff,” objected Trickshot. “The Legion do some of it,” Foom corrected him. “but by their nature they can’t do everything. They’re high-profile, watched, moderated. They can’t really be too proactive, they have to be there to react when some danger strikes.” He looked round at his team-mates. “DK and I have thought this through. We’re going underground.” “After the Morshlocks and Outcasts?” suggested the Librarian. “Undercover,” the Dark Knight said, surprising people who hadn’t realised he was in the room. “We did more good in one sting operation in Badripoor than in years of traditional superhero fisticuffs.” “Not that there’s anything wrong with traditional superhero fisticuffs,” CSFB! added hastily. “We have an agenda,” Finny went on. “It’s best you don’t know what it is.” He glanced at Epitome here. “It’s best we go it alone. We’re well suited to it, right?” “But we need a leader,” Hatman pointed out. “Finny, you’ve led the LL for the longest time…” “Time for a change then,” the dragon suggested. “Time to move on. For all of us.” “Yo will be to be missing cute Finny-dragon!” Yo cried, clutching Foom round the waist. Finny stiffened then clasped his arms round the pure thought being for a farewell hug. “We’re not vanishing off the face of the planet,” Finny assured them. “Well, we are, but we’ll only be a comm-card signal away. We’ll be round. And we’ll be back.” “So stay honest,” warned the Dark Knight. “Good luck then,” Nats told them, shaking their hands. The other joined in. ~~We’ll miss you~~ Cressida assured Foom and DK when the touching scene was over. ~~I guess that just leaves us with the question of who is going to lead the LL now?~~ The Lair Legion exchanged glances and smiled. “I’ll go tell him to unpack again,” smirked Lisa L. Waltz. Coming Next: Having tied up lots of plots we launch our bold new storyline as the Transworlds Challenge begins. Daring deeds, vicious villains, action, adventure, and espionage, as our heroes fight to save the world (except Keiko, she’s fighting to save her world instead) against the toughest opponents the galaxy can offer. Oh, and Nitz’ video evening gets ruined too. It starts in Untold Tales #170, Untold Tales of the Lair Legion: The Transworlds Challenge, or The Price Is Right. Like the Footnotes That You Find in the Windmills of the Mind: So tell me again what all this Confiscator stuff was. Finny and the Dark Knight, returning earlier than anyone knew from their space adventures on Xnylone, determined to take a new initiative in tackling injustice. They went undercover, creating the identity of the new Confiscator, a role each of them played in turn. When the Confiscator needed to show martial arts or stealth expertise then DK wore the mask and Finny assumed the shape of Daedanyn, the Apuffyliptian war-hound (you got that Daedanyn is an acronym of Andy Dean, right?). When the Confiscator needed to manifest shapeshifting or other special abilities Finny took the role. Three prominent murders we saw the Confiscator commit – Hacker Nine, Fetish Lad, and Sir Mumphrey – were all faked, with Fin Fang Foom stretching his shapeshifting abilities to the limit to play the role of the corpse. H9 was compelled to join the plot with Fetish Lad, who had previously consented to the masquerade, as his watchman. The DNA-matching that positively identified Mumphrey’s corpse as Mumphrey was done by computer, and H9 was working for DK and Finny, so you can figure how that false information was spewed out. The death of a ganglord at DK’s hands, however, does not appear to be faked. DK at least, and possibly Finny, have stopped playing by the old rules. The Dark Knight is effectively the reanimated corpse of Greg Burch, some would say an increasingly blurred and imperfect copy of him. As such he was able to ignore Count Armageddon’s kaos energies, resulting in Medici admitting him into the ranks of Badripoorian villains. Fin Fang Foom as an accomplished shapeshifter was able to ignore the flesh-twisting of Fleshcrawler and the gene manipulation of Genetwist. Now their first foray into the “underworld” style of crimefighting has been so successful, Foom and DK intend to plan and execute their next big sting. This leads in to the Underworld series, to the events chronicled in Dark Knight’s latest stories, and to some developments writer-Finny has been planning. The Rogues’ Gallery: Count Armageddon (Count Belasco Medici), absolute ruler of the independent Pacific basin state of Badripoor, is suffused with and possibly now composed of evil kaos Energy, livid green tendrils that give him massive strength and invulnerability and can corrode souls. Armageddon was formerly a science villain from the world of Technopolis. Medici’s early career is outlined in Premiere #24: Ancient Foes Anvil Man (Brendan McGillicuddy) is trapped inside indestructible rusting armour which makes him unstoppable. Apart from being strong and untiring, Anvil Man’s most dangerous power is the ability to make inanimate objects explode by looking at them. He can launch grenades and other missiles from his body or simply cause things to explode by concentrating on them for a short while. Appendage Man (Milton Freebish) is a horribly mutated experiment of the Devil Doctor’s, a writhing mass of limbs and other body parts that can expand and replicate at will to become a massive sprawling wiggling groping squeezing entity of rage and lust. At full growth he can be hundreds of feet across. Biohazard is a living toxic accident, able to create high levels of pollution through some kind of psionic matter manipulation. He may have been human once but now he’s just sentient sludge. In his native dimension the Technoverse he depopulated the whole of South America. Blast Zone (Rupert Yeadon) can cause detonations on touch, using a localized molecular agitation similar to that employed by Anvil Man (at range). The former Technopolitian Science Villain got a bad attitude but his unprofessional behaviour makes it easy to take him down. Brokenface (Rory Murdoch) has extendible cybernetic jaws and an “indestructible stomach”. He once managed to rip Donar’s arm half off before he was taken down. The former Technopolitian science villain enjoys fighting just for the sake of it. Dimensionweaver (Ulana Oboru) links together any two planes, points, or surfaces, either in the same or different dimensions. She can therefore open a gateway to the heart of a volcano or to the Mythlands, can drop an enemy through a gate beneath their feet into the planet’s core or to the Negativity Zone, and so on. This former Technopolitian Science Villain is highly dangerous. Dreamripper (Drusilla Onassis) is a high-end mind-reader specializing in people’s subconscious. She can literally turn your dreams against you. She can use her powers to craft realistic illusions. The former Science Villain once fooled a victim into believing her face had been dissected. Expired Warranty (Z. X. Sinclair) is the reanimated corpse of a former computer nerd raised as an undead after killing himself when even a desperate blood hungry vampire wouldn't give him a hickey, He possesses the ability to cause any technology to malfunction simply by admiring it. Flashfry (Buddy Wahooni) wields high-energy plasma shapes. Think about the kinds of structures Amazing Guy can form with his energies, but made from searingly hot proto-matter. It’s a good job this former Technopolitan Science Villain has a limited imagination. Fleshcrawler (Nugent Linnerman) is a spooky creep who can control people’s skin on touch, either to force them to be his puppets or to restructure it into something more to his somewhat perverted tastes. This former Technopolitan Science Villain died at least once and come back from it. Genetwist (Dr Reynard Bouvier) was a top Technopolitan scientist before one of those inevitable lab accidents. Now he can mess people’s DNA to give them powers or change them however he wants. He’s a cold-hearted researcher with no ethics. HuntingJustice DeathMarrow (Kylytta Bloodwyrm) has the usual super-strength, near-invulnerability, healing factor etc, but also has an unlimited supply of razor-toothed cutting weapons despite having nowhere to carry them in her costume (except the thigh pouches) and impossibly vast laser cannons. She is immune to all common sense, and her breasts are immune to gravity. Huntmaster (real name unknown) has no superhuman powers as such, except for a sixth sense talent where tracking prey is concerned. He's loaded with all kinds of hunter/forester themed weapons, from his quarterstaff to his hunting knife and cross bow, to his pouches of exploding power that knocks out the opposition (read: game) and simple choking dust that gives him a chance to escape. An expert tracker with above average fighting and trapping skills, he can blend into any surroundings with excellent camouflage abilities. The Idiom (Letitia Gahagan) is a problem-solving genius who has previously fought Mr Epitome on ethical and political grounds and has recently become his lover. However, she has been corrupted by Count Armaggadon’s kaos energies, truly turning her into a formidable, cold, and deadly enemy and harnessing her creative imagination to manufacture weapons of mass terror. Indigo Impostor (real name forgotten) is a mutate who can take the shape of any humanoid creature he has come into contact with. If the target is a metahuman then the Impostor gains any physical abilities they possess but not any of their more esoteric powers. Mood Swing (Jaques LeRouge) controls emotions around him. He’s shown signs of being able to “program” effects too, such as triggering homicidal mania when certain factors are met even when he’s no longer present. Another former Technopolitian Science Villain, LeRouge enjoys using his abilities to humiliate and embarrass his victims. Musk Ox is one of the strongest of the Low Evolutionary’s geneticially-evolved animals, a rogue who had abandoned his creator to pursue super-villainy. He is phenomenally strong and tough. Pain Hook (Gunther Vermold) can psychically stimulate nerve endings to wrack his victims with agony. The former Technopolitan Science Villain could make them feel other things too, but so far he seems to limit himself to pain. Quake (real name unknown) is a villain from a now-defunct future in which he murdered and absorbed the powers of a number of descendants of Legionnaires. This has granted him a range of special abilities, such as immense Donar-class strength, super-speed, invulnerability, energy projection, tactile telekinesis, enhanced senses, rapid healing, telepathy by touch, and the ability to cause machines to malfunction. He is now returned to an uncertain future, and the fate of his knife-throwing tuxedo-wearing sometime-partner Jack Staff remains uncertain. Razor Ballerina (Mindy Kovkolski) was a world-famous ballerina before being kidnapped and tortured by the shadowy villain Fearwalker for the better part of a year. What remains is the soulless cruel monster able to generate razor-sharp blades from beneath her flesh and hurl them at her opponents with amazing dexterity. She can cut through any substance by touching it, making her a bad person to grab hold of. She has been given a specific resistance to being affected by probability alteration, being able to cut to the most likely result in any case. Razorbarb (Mickey Spiroletti) is a brash arrogant punk kid, survivor of twins with identical powers. The former Technopolitan Science Villain can generate molecule-thick strands of indestructible wire which can tangle and slice. They vanish if he’s rendered unconscious. Rimshooter (Yasud Al-Kamara) can metamorphose his body into weaponry. The former Technopolitan Science Villain has generated missile percussion weapons, lasers, gas guns, sonics, and tranquilliser needles. Who knows what else he’s trained for? Spinoid has a bony razor-sharp carapace and can fire explosive spines from his exo-skeleton. He’s experienced at close-in fighting. The former Technopolitan Science villain has no known real name and may not even be of Earth origin. Ultraninja (real name unknown) is an extremely skilled martial artist, enhanced with strength, speed, and endurance, invisible to mechanical detection, and able to merge into shadows through some technique we’ve not been able to identify. This former Technopolitan Science Villain is a very dangerous opponent, good enough to down Ziles in single combat. Velcro Vixen (Vicki Vee) is a former Fetishwear model turned super-villain mistress. She has no super-powers but is expert at unarmed combat and using throwing knives, and has a genuine talent for being deputy-leader of supervillain teams. Badripoor, the Pacific rim rogue nation-state, now has a new President-For-Life. Current street odds favour spiffy not lasting the week. Gothametropolis York also has a new mayor, Ms Velma Klein. It’s only a matter of time before her zero-tolerance policy for vigilante behaviour is implemented, backed up by new special weapons and tactics police units sponsored by philanthropic business interests in the city. On the Lair Legion Line-Up: To prove that I do sometimes listen to other people, I’ve kept Mumphrey around for now on the team. I hope Finny doesn’t mind being bumped for a while. I do feel the team works best when its leadership (and membership) is represented by characters of regular posters, and the plethora of fun stories we’ve seen provoked by leadership issues recently illustrates why. I do still worry about the grip this gives me over the LL though, and anyone who shares my concern is quite welcome to discuss it with me by e-mail. So right now, the LL current members roster looks like this: Sir Mumphrey Wilton (Leader) Field Team: Yo (Deputy), Hatman (Liaison & Tactics), CSFB!, Trickshot, Dancer, Nats, Cressida, Falcon, Manga Shoggoth, Epitome. Associates: Lisa (Legal), Visionary (Juniors Training), the Librarian (Archives), Al B. Harper (Science) Mansion Staff: Flapjack (major domo), HALLIE (AI), Amber St Clare (US Government Liaison), Asil Ashling (Secretary), Mindy Pyrite (Engineer), Art Corwen, Randy Robinson (Interns). If it helps other writers, I don’t see this line-up altering for at least the next ten issues or so, unless Gav wants Donar back on the LL. And Finally: Well done to Killer Shrike for spotting most of the Confiscator clues and working stuff out (I think he only missed the Andy Dean anagram first time round), to AG for thinking the Confiscator might be the Dark Knight amazingly early on, and to those folks who doubted Hacker Nine was dead despite the severed head ploy. And thanks to DK and Finny, who generously allowed me to use their characters in this arc in this way. I hope both of you are soon back to more active regular board posting, because I miss having the excuse to feature your characters more. The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom Who's Who in the Parodyverse Where's Where in the Parodyverse Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2004 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2004 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. |
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