Tales of the Parodyverse

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CrazySugarFreakBoy!
Tue Nov 09, 2004 at 10:00:52 pm EST
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#186.5: Untold Tales of the Transworlds Challenge: Without Words
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#186: Untold Tales of the Transworlds Challenge Epilogue: Coming Home
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The Hooded Hood brings the Transworlds Challenge home
Tue Nov 09, 2004 at 05:43:21 am EST
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#186.5: Untold Tales of the Transworlds Challenge: Without Words



It was the longest adventure he’d ever had, and the furthest he’d ever been away from home, so by the time Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove returned to Earth, he was already feeling more than a little bit dazed and disoriented and unsteady on his feet, in spite of his shows of broad smiles and reflexive wisecracks to the contrary, so when he wandered into the Lair Legion Mansion and found himself assaulted with cheers and streamers and balloons and banners reading, “Welcome back to the Shire, Frodo Baggins!” with the theme music from Return of the King playing in the background and the faces of all his friends and family members surrounding him, he could barely blink in confusion before his loved ones came in close to shake his hand in congratulations and squeeze him tight in affection.

“I still think you’re a moron, but God, you’ve got balls of solid steel, don’t you?” chuckled Christopher “Kit” Kipling, a.k.a. Captain Courageous of Project: Pendragon, Dream’s college roommate at the University of Washington in Seattle, as he slapped him on the back.

“Thanks for reminding me why I fell in love with you, space cowboy,” whispered Dream’s ex-girlfriend and Kit’s current love interest, Anna Kensington, a.k.a. the Blacksmith of Hammers of Hephaestus, Inc. (and Icarus Innovations), as she kissed him on the cheek.

“You demonstrated some exceptionally inventive problem-solving skills out on the field!” enthused Dr. Leonard Day-Vincent, a.k.a. the Renaissance Man of Renaissance Man Research, Inc. (and Daedalus Discoveries), as he tucked his digital notepad back into his pocket.

“What Leonard means to say is that you were very brave, and we’re all glad to have you back safe and sound,” clarified Sydney St. Sylvain, a.k.a. the Fabulous Fashion Fairy of Fashion Fairy Fabrications (and Mnemosyne Media), as she rolled her eyes at her superhero ex-husband.

“Hell yes, we are! You kicked some serious alien ass!” bellowed Katrina Luisa Van Horn, a.k.a. the Lesbian Liberator of the Globetrotting Gangbusters (and Pantheon Prodigies) as her sentiments were echoed by the hoots and hollers of her fellow former supervillains.

*Ahem* “Yes, well, while I might differ with the jingoistic tone of Ms. Van Horn’s statement, I can’t argue with her assessment of the skills you showed. Your career has been a credit to the legacy of the CrazySugarHistoricHeroes!” grumbled Katrina’s teammate, Doctor Xeno Phobia, a.k.a. the Extraterrestrial Enigma, blinking his three fluorescent orange eyes as he struggled to keep an appropriately stern expression on his neon green face.

“Holy shit, son. We have got to find a way to work all of this into our next campaign,” grinned graduate student Ethan Warren of the Amazing Super-Friends, Dream’s collection of fellow collegiate sci-fi, fantasy, comic book and cartoon enthusiasts, who also served as the Dungeon Master for their circle of Dungeons & Dragons role-playing gamers.

“Did you manage to get any snapshots of the architecture on those other worlds? I’d love to incorporate some of those designs into my own illustrations,” inquired Henry “Hank” Duncan, who played a Neutral Good Gnome Illusionist during their all-night sessions.

“‘Flash Gordon is approaching’? That was awesome, dude!” cackled Simon Francis, a True Neutral Elf Mage, who was joined in his amusement by the guffaws of Chaotic Neutral Half-Orc Barbarian Lazlo Zola, both of them chugging cans of Rocket Fuel Soda Pop.

“Never mind the dorkos. Do you like the banner? We all thought it was perfect, especially after everything you’ve gone through by now,” beamed Penelope “Penny” Geoffries, the Chaotic Good Half-Elf Ranger of the Amazing Super-Friends who had long nursed a crush on Dream.

“Even when he was still as small as a Hobbit himself, he was always such a curious and resilient child,” recalled Dream’s aunt, Olivia Hastings, a witch and a professor at Miskatonic University in Arkham, Massachusetts, as she hung on the arm of her fiancé, Khrys “Chris” Constantine of The Black Cherry Magazine in New York City, a vampire who was feeling warm under the light of day, even beneath his coats of super-sunblock.

“Aw, don’t embarrass the kid, ‘Liv,” yelled Jameson Michael “Jamie” Beckett, Chris’ best friend and a werewolf who, along with Chris, Olivia and the mage known as Easton Ellis Escher West, all belonged to the supernatural club known as the Commedia dell’Arte. “Guy needs some breathin’ room, without all of us old folks pinchin’ his cheeks an’ shit.”

“Indeed so,” reasoned Mr. Gideon Book, head and founder of Odyssey Opportunities. “After all, I suspect he’ll have more than enough smothering to deal with from his parents.”

As if on cue, Meggan Foxxx, a.k.a. Action Figure, Olivia’s sister and Dream’s mother, finally leapt forward to throw her arms around her son and cover his face in lipstick-smeared smooches, before scolding him in the time-honored tradition of concerned mothers everywhere.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again!” she exclaimed hysterically, practically throttling him by the shoulders, and then just as suddenly embraced him again.

Spaz the Chupacabra, a.k.a. the CrazySugarCryptoCreature!, simply reacted to this scene as it did to most external stimuli, by growling ill-temperedly to itself and seeking out something fragile and expensive to shred apart maliciously with its fangs and claws.

“Go easy on him, Meg,” urged Dream’s father, Louis Laughing Fox, as he gently separated the two, and regarded his son calmly. “Hey, there.”

“Hey, there,” Dream responded numbly.

“I’m very proud of you,” Louis remarked quietly.

“Thank you,” Dream acknowledged, as the weight of the words sunk in.

“And I believe you have at least one more person who’s waiting to welcome you home,” Louis moved aside, allowing April Alice Apple to emerge from the crowd, with her best friend Bernice Teschmacher, of Who Watches the Watchmen? Magazine, nudging her from behind to break the spell, as the two long-distant lovers gazed upon one another.

“Um, everyone, this … uh, this is April,” Dream stumbled over himself, spoken words seeming strangely unfamiliar to him. “She’s, ah … she’s a friend of mine – ”

“I’m his girlfriend,” April hastily interjected, slipping an arm around his waist and pulling him toward her with a teasingly strong tug.

“Wait. So, we’re boyfriend-and-girlfriend now?” Dream checked, cocking his head to one side as he sought to sift through the molasses of his own mind. “When did this happen?”

“When I thought I’d lost you forever, and realized that one of my biggest regrets was that I’d let the best boy I’d ever met leave my life without allowing him to be anything more than just a ‘friend with benefits,’” April frowned sadly, her lower lip quavering slightly before she stiffened her posture and tapped her newly declared boyfriend playfully on his nose with her fingertip. “I don’t believe in blowing second chances.”

“It’s nice to meet you, April,” Meg smiled with genuine goodwill at her son’s new love, sniffling and wiping her eyes before she shifted her attentions to Dream. “Sweetie, I think everyone is waiting for you to say something.”

And with that, Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove, a.k.a. CrazySugarFreakBoy!, turned to face his friends and family members and teammates and loved ones, and opened his mouth to speak, but shook his head in surprise when no words would come.

“I – ” he began, moisture misting over his vision as a lump welled up in his throat, before a single giggle escaped his lips, soon followed by a steady stream of laughter that flowed as fast and heavy as the tears that were trickling down his cheeks.

Not even he could say whether he was crying out in joy or pain, and truth be told, it was probably equal measures of both, as all the conflicted emotions of anticipation and exultation and despair that had been built up over the course of his epic journey were at last being released, being let out and let go and given away to the rest of the world.

“Heh. I don’t know about any of you all, but I’d say this has been one fantastically fucked-up trip, even by my relative standards of sanity,” he eventually settled upon, his broad grin exhausted but enthusiastic as ever. “And I’ve still got a parade I have to show up for, don’t I?”

“Duty calls,” April smirked, even as she bit her lip ruefully.

“I could skip it,” Dream immediately volunteered, noting the disappointment in her downcast eyes. “I mean, we’ve barely just hooked back up again, and – ”

April cut his babble of acquiescence short with a passionate kiss that caused a crimson flush to rise on his normally day-glo yellow skin, before breaking away to allow them both a much-needed break to gasp for breath. “The adulation of the public is what you live for as a superhero, you doofus,” she reminded him with a wistful sigh. “Soak up all the praise that the spotlight has to offer. You’ve more than earned it, after all of this. I will still be waiting for you, once you get done.”

“I love you, Aphrodite,” Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove breathed.

“I love you too, CrazySugarFreakBoy!” April Alice Apple cooed. “Now go get ‘em, tiger.”


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