Tales of the Parodyverse

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CrazySugarFreakBoy! figures Ian can fit this into continuity somehow. :)
Tue Mar 08, 2005 at 05:42:40 pm EST
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Untold Tales of the Tenth Caphan Tie-In: Just’a Good Ol’ Boys, Never Meanin’ No Harm …
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Untold Tales of the Tenth Caphan Tie-In: Just’a Good Ol’ Boys, Never Meanin’ No Harm …

“Y’all better be careful, boys,” Dancer warned her cousins, Dream and Jay Duke, as they ran out of the Boar & Donut to leap into the General Sally through the windows. “Crazy Cooter B. Harper called from his garage to tell y’all that Sheriff Epitome’s out on patrol, and if’n y’all get caught with that moonshine, y’all’s probation will get revoked for sure!”
“We gotta do somethin’, Dancer!” the lighter-haired Dream protested as he climbed into the driver’s seat, while the darker-haired Jay slid across the hood of the orange spaceship, with the Confederate flag painted on its roof, to ride shotgun. “If’n we don’t get to the Parody County Assessor’s Office afore noon, Uncle Mumphrey will lose the deed to our home!”
“Sheriff, this is Vizh, you got your ears on, over?” reported Deputy Enos Visionary on his CB radio, as he sped off after the General Sally, trying not to let himself get distracted by Dancer’s barely-there cutoff jean-shorts, while she bounced back to her waitressing gig in the Boar & Donut. “I done spotted them Legion boys and have commenced pursuit, over.”
“You stay on their tail, you hear me, boy?” Sheriff Epitome P. Coltrane hollered from his own police vehicle, with his basset hound, Glory, sitting beside him, and a short, fat, bald, cigar-smoking old man reclining in the back seat, clad in an all-white ensemble of a formal suit, a Stetson hat, cowboy boots and a cloak. “Ah’m a’gonna git ‘em this time, Boss!”
“You better, Epitome, you dang idjit!” bellowed the Hooded Hogg. “If’n ah wasn’t married to your sister, Lulu Zemo, ah woulda retconned you outta’a job a long time ago!”
“Looks like them Legion boys is in more hot water than crawdads in stew,” drawled the Balladeer of Stories, strumming his guitar as Ravens of Destiny perched on his shoulders.
__________

“What the hell did you just make me watch?” Jay Boaz asked Dreamcatcher Foxglove. “That’s about 10 minutes of my life that I’m never getting back.”
“Oh, that’s right, you’re Canadian,” Dream recalled. “So, as a citizen of a culturally deficient country, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you haven’t heard of The Dukes of Hazzard, in spite of its status as an enduring example of all that makes America great.”
“You need to start making more sense than usual,” Jay urged.
“You know how television signals that are originally broadcast on Earth continue to echo out into space?” Dream explained. “So, like, every TV show that’s ever aired on our planet, from I Love Lucy to Friends, is still traveling out there, further and further, into the deepest reaches of the larger cosmos, just waiting for extraterrestrial civilizations to receive them, on their communication systems or whatever?”
“I think I see where this is headed,” Jay groaned.
“Especially after the Transworlds Challenge, the rest of the galaxy got a lot more interested in us humans, so they started paying way more attention to those television broadcasts they’d been picking up on from Earth, all these years,” Dream elaborated. “Problem being, just like when television audiences here in America watch Spanish or Japanese TV shows, a certain amount of stuff is gonna get lost in translation, even with dubbing or subtitles.”
Jay sighed. “So, when these aliens watch, say, Cheers, or even WKRP in Cincinnati …”
“More often than not, they think they’re watching completely accurate documentaries of everyday life in human society,” Dream concluded.
“So, why is there a TV show about car-racing hillbillies, where you look like a younger version of Pa Kent from Smallville, again?” Jay checked.
Dream chuckled. “Well, apparently, some enterprising extraterrestrial entertainment mogul got the bright idea to remix some of those television broadcasts from Earth, using the footage from our participation in the Transworlds Challenge as the template data to make the characters from those old TV shows look, sound and even act more … well, like us.”
“We’ve got an armada of Caphan, Lovetoad, Skree, Z’Sox and Naicluv ships approaching our planet, and you’re telling me that these people think we’re a bunch of redneck whiskey-runners,” Jay clarified. “Forgive me if I’m not amused by this.”




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