|
|
Amazing Tales #13, Seven for the world. Staring nobody important, just a bunch of heroes. Friday, 23-Jun-2000 08:00:15
Amazing Tales #13, Seven for the world. Staring nobody important, just a bunch of heroes. Interdiminsional space, where a simple grocery clerk approaches a man who's anything but simple. "Uh, Mr. Lurker, Sir? I think you've made a mistake… uh, because I don't have any powers or super skills or anything. Um, can I go home now?" asks a very frightened Jasper. The Lurker smiles and responds, "Dear boy, follow me." Jasper thinks that maybe the Lurker has agreed, only to be disappointed when they head in a direction away from the transporters. Two large, steel doors stand before them. As the Lurker puts his handprint on the electronic plate, the massive doors open to reveal a fridge the size of Jasper's grocery store. It's packed with fruits and vegetables, the one thing that Jasper has an affinity for. Actually it's an obsession. "Oh my friends! My lovely, lovely friends! You are all so well taken care of!" Jasper exclaims. He's ready to explode as he reels with excitement at the bounty before him. He turns to the Lurker and says, "It's so wonderful! You've taken so much care for them!" "Jasper, have you given any thought to the problem plaguing your fruits and vegetables?" asks the Lurker. "Wh- what problem?" asks the kid while he looks at the foodstuff. "Why the constant battle against invading aliens, evil scientists, monsters, nazi war criminals, and any other threat that pops up. Do you really think these foes of human kind will care for your precious vegetables? They will waste them Jasper. They will ruin and destroy them, just because of lack of interest in the care of these fine foods. After the world rule of fiends like Zemo, food the world over will rot and people will starve. Jasper, you have a mission. Your love for these items is not by accident. It fulfills an ancient Aztec prophecy. "The day will come when a champion will be raised to defend the food of the world." YOU are that champion Jasper." Jasper turns from the food and looks at the Lurker. "But how can I do any good? I'm just a grocery clerk." "You will be more! Here!" and then the Lurker pulls out an apron from seminally nowhere. It's a white apron, with gold trim and the symbol of a carrot and celery stick crossing each other. He hands it to Jasper. "This apron has magical properties. See this pocket in the front? Watch." The Lurker reaches into the pocket and pulls out an apple. At the same time, an apple disappears from the fridge. "See. You can teleport any fruit or vegetable you need. These, Jasper," he motions to all the food in the giant fridge, "are not just regular fruits and vegetables. They are stronger, tougher, and in some case deadlier. They will give of there existence to save the millions more on the Earth. Will you use them? Will you, Jasper, become Kid Produce?" The clerk thinks a moment, then with renewed determination, responds "Yes! I will!" "So you're the new Protector of the Universe huh? How's Eggo?" asks Amazing Guy. The Maxellian known as Victory responds, "He's fine. I don't hear from him much though. I've no idea why. So your Lair Legion friends told me that you died battling Thugos. I see they were wrong." "Yeah, Janee… er, Multiple Woman and I were in another dimension." Unbeknownst to Victory, the telepathic image of Eggo appears in Scott (Amazing Guy) Brunsen's head, "AMAZING-GUY, -YOU-HAVE-RETURNED! THE-OMNISOUL-HAS-SAID-AS-MUCH. SOON-YOU-WILL-REGAIN-YOUR-MANTEL-AS-PROTECTOR-OF-THE-UNIVERSE. BEFORE-THIS-BATTLE-DRAWS-TO-A-CLOSE, THE-ONE-CALLED-VON-EL-WILL-NO-LONGER-BE-AMONG-US. AFTER-VICTORY-IS-GONE, -YOU-WILL-RETURN-TO-YOUR-CALLING!" The telepathic image of Eggo vanishes. AG is shocked, both at the revelation and the fact that Eggo still hasn't exhausted his supply of syrup dripping all over him. "Crap! Does this mean Victory will die during this battle, or another? How can I lead him into battle if I know he's going to die? Should I warn him, or will that screw up some cosmic order? What do I do?" The Lurker and Jasper walk in to the room. Jasper joins the others while Janeen gives her produce friend a funny look. The Lurker steps up onto a platform to address the group. "My friends, it is time. I shall teleport you where you need to go. Stick to the plan that I have given you. Be warned, these Skree are dangerous and must be stopped at all cost. Good luck to you all." The Skree scout ship powers up the phasers. It's cloaked so that they will catch the Earth heroes by surprise. On the bridge, Commander Clapp Oon stands triumphant. A simple blast and the remaining heroes will be vaporized. The two hundred shock troops will invade the city known as Washington, to set an example. Then the Skree Fifth Imperial Armada will arrive to finish this planet off. Clapp Oon doesn't like the idea of the empire being ruled by an off worlder, or the fact that he is now in the same empire as those disgusting Skunks. These aren't things he can say out loud though, so he continues with the plan. "Are the targeting phasers locked on to that puny island the Terran heroes call home?" he asks. "Yes sir…uh, sir, we have a blip on the screen. Two humanoids have appeared just outside the ship." Clapp Oon: "What?? Who are they?" Before the lieutenant can answer, the Communication Officer speaks up, "Commander, we have lost contact with the Skree Fifth Imperial Armada." Clapp Oon: "What in Darmok's name is going on?? What do you mean we cant reach them?" The Communication Officer: " There's noises coming from them, but I can't quite make it out. It's almost like they're talking slowly, too slowly to tell." The tactical officer speaks up, "SIR! Those humans are attacking! We're receiving an high powered energy attack." "SHIELDS!" Amazing Guy hits the ship with blast after colored blast, but the shields still hold. Victory fires his laser eyes at the shields, but it holds off that as well. Back on the bridge: Engineering officer over the com system: "Commander! We have company! There's a Terran here! He appeared from nowhere and is trashing the Engineering room!" Commander Clapp Oon: "Well kill him! You've got the man power down there!" Engineering officer: "He's taken out the men sir! He's moving too fast! Hey! Not the shields! Come here! I'm going to..ARRGGH!" Clapp Oon: "Lieutenant Dee Gor?" Tactical officer: "Sir! We lost shields!" WHAABOOM! Clapp Oon: "By Gilarrd, what was that?" Tactical officer: "The Terrans are hitting us hard sir!" WHAAABOOM! Security Officer: "Sir! Multiple Terran readings! There are three attacking the troops and one speeding from Engineering to the location of the others." WHAAABOOOOM! Clapp Oon: "How are they getting past our shields?" "Oh it's not THAT hard!" responds Multiple Woman as she knees the Commander in the groin. The Chief Security Officer fires his phaser at MW but she splits into two, then four, then eight, then sixteen. All of the duplicates are using self-defense moves Janeen learned in the pocket universe to defend herself. She's taking out the bridge crew. WHAAAABOOOOOM! The troop cargo bay: It's a sight to see. Chaos has abrupt all over as two hundred shock troops try to take down only three men. A pile of bloody, bruised troops lie all over as Goldfish leaps into more, slashing with his webbed talons. The troops weapons and armor are both equally shredded. "Goldfish! Remember! Don't kill them!" yells Pigionman as he flies overhead. Dodging the flying troops, he shoots his Poop Gun, sticking them to each other, causing them to crash. "Doon orrdar mee aroundd! I makte me oun rruulez!" Goldfish demands as he rips the troops armor in two. Pigionman realizes that having this wild card on the team might not be such a good idea. Under a table, Kid Produce sweats. It's one thing to agree to the mission, but it's differently something different to jump into battle. The table is broken in two, revealing a very large Skree warrior with a big gun. "Oh crap!" says Kid Produce. He reaches into the pocket and says "Cantaloupe?" He pulls out a cantaloupe from the pocket that shouldn't be able to hold it, and throws it at the warrior. The Skree staggers back at the blow to his head. Jasper gets excited and reaches in again, "Hold the onions please!" he shouts as he whips out two onions, peels them with the speed only a skilled produce clerk could attain, then shoves them in the eyes of the warrior. The warrior screams, dropping to the floor, while Kid Produce charges off to take on more. The cargo door has an image vibrating through it. Swift has arrived, taking out twelve troops in a red and yellow blur. Victory has increased his speed, punching a hole through the ship as he flies through. "Careful Von! We don't want to kill them." Says Amazing Guy as he uses the giant green scalpel and giant orange tweezers to remove the weapons array. "Of course, of course." Victory answers while melting the communications array with his laser vision. "Let's wrap this up." AG says as he uses his energy to teleport them to the Troop battle. Von thinks, "Yes, you just act superior. But the Omnisoul choose me. You'll see." Amazing Guy sends out energy blasts, knocking out several troops while Kid Produce, just below him, throws razor sharp carrots at more Skree. To AG's right is Pigionman, flying over troops, clobbering them with his mace. On AG's left is Goldfish, leaping on to a bunch of Skree with an animal like ferociousness. Above him is Victory, hefting five troops and throwing them. Swift buzzes all around taking out the rest. All this appears on the veiwscreen on the bridge, where the captive Commander Clapp Oon, held by ten copies of Multiple Woman, struggles to be free. Commander Clapp Oon: "You might have beaten my crew, as well as the assault troops, but when Thugos here's about it, you'll all be Bantuuu fodder!" Multiple Woman: "Actually, we're hoping he finds out. Lets just say we have a score to settle." Amazing Guy and the others arrive on the bridge. Commander Clapp Oon: "Just who ARE you people? You don't match the description of the Lair Legion." Amazing Guy: "We're just a bunch of heroes who won't stand for the crap Thugos and his ilk dish out." Kid Produce: "Hey! That's it!" Multiple Woman: "That's what?" Kid Produce: "Our team name. It's short and to the point. Just a Bunch of Heroes!" Swift: "It's stupid. That's what it is!" Goldfish: "Yoouse all sssstupid!" Victory: "Not all of us." Amazing Guy: "No. It's kind of simple, to the point. In a way it's kind of like the Justice League of America. I like it!" Pigionman: "My old team was called the World Guardians, another simple name. I think it works!" Multiple Woman: "You've got my vote." Kid Produce: "JBH RULES!" Swift: "Fine, fine, but what are we gonna do with these aliens?" Commander Clapp Oon: "You could set us free?" Amazing Guy: "Prisoners of war. Now, I'll use my powers to send a energy message back to Skree Lar." "Thugos, if your wondering what happened to your scout ship and shock troops, well I have one name for you, the JBH! Earth has a new set of protectors and we're it. So come on then. Let's do it! For a long time I've wanted this match. Give up. Now. Or you loose. Then Death will see you for the looser you are! …. Oh, by the way, this is Amazing Guy. I'MM BAACK!" ag |
|
Copyright © Looksmart, Ltd. 1997-1999.
All rights reserved.