|
|
Post By A rounding off of Why Week from... the Hooded Hood. Sun Jul 25, 2004 at 07:08:21 pm EDT |
Subject
Why Are the Legionnaires in the Lair Legion? | |
|
|
Next In Thread >> | |
Why Are the Legionnaires in the Lair Legion? Note: This story takes place around the time of Untold Tales #162. Sir Mumphrey Wilton leaned across the dining table and chuckled to Lisa Waltz. “And you said the Lair Legion couldn’t manage a formal dinner,” he told her. The first lady of the Lair Legion was stunning in a low-cut black dress that gave new meaning to the word décolletage. “Well, she admitted, “it helps that Space Ghost isn’t here.” “I did like you said, Sir Mumphrey,” Asil chipped in helpfully. She was dressed in a dark wine number that Lisa had picked for her, and tonight she looked like her genetic donor’s less-sleazy twin. “I ordered in pizza for Trickshot and dull thud and told them they didn’t need to worry about cutlery and it’s all gone quiet down that end of the table.” “And the Manga Shoggoth?” Amber St Clare checked, with a nervous glance to where the bandage-swathed elder being was breaking pieces off his dinner plate and sucking them into his gelatinous mass. “Best bone china,” Mumphrey assured her. “Nothing but the finest tonight. The troops deserve it.” He smiled proudly down the table. At his insistence the men of the Legion were all wearing tuxedos or dinner jackets, even CSFB! who was wearing it over his orange and green silly suit. The Librarian had donned a cummerbund and had somehow found an orchid for a buttonhole. Trickshot wore a shiny latex rental with a clip on bow tie. dull thud wore a t-shirt with a tuxedo stencilled on the front. Yo was in a tux as well, but had selected to be female this evening, giving her that essential Victor/Victoria look as she laughed at something Visionary suffered with the salt pot. Sir Mumphrey himself was wearing his regimental blazer with four rows or medal ribbons pinned to his breast. He wore an old-style shirt with separate high stiff collar and a grey cravat. This alone had let Flapjack to go into new depths of toadying as generations of instinct cut in and told him the master was present. “This is wonderful,” Princess Uhunalura, late of the Abhumans beamed as she looked over the candlelit dinner table at her new family. She was wearing a white lace evening dress that was tight enough that Nats wasn’t going to be getting up from the table any time soon. “I never thought your world could be so… civilised.” “We do our best, m’dear,” Mumphrey told her. “And this is partly to welcome you to that world.” He raised his glass to Hatman, who was hearing some of the finer tactical points of the recent assault on Uhuna’s homeland from new member Mr Epitome. “And to welcome Mr Boaz back to the fold, of course.” Hatman blushed slightly at all the warm greetings form his comrades. “I’m glad to be back, guys,” he admitted. “This is so much better than being frozen in an iceberg.” “And you know this makes you and Steve Rogers like almost identical, right?” CSFB! told him for the hundredth time. “We’ve got to get you a cap with wings on the side!” Mumphrey noted with approval that Jay Boaz wasn’t wearing headgear at the table tonight, and that Mr Epitome had come unmasked. That spoke well of Hatman’s self-confidence and Dominic Clancy’s ongoing integration. He was also pleased to note that after initial mutual caution, the two professional heroes were now finding common topics in the analysis of team performance. In fact everyone had made an effort. HALLIE had pixellated herself a shimmering golden gown and had shut down all the computers in the lab section, forcing Al B. Harper to the meal. Dancer had borrowed something midnight blue and satiny from Fashion Accessory’s collection, and in the candlelight the vibrant frenetic Sarah Shepherdson was transformed into a dazzling and mysterious beauty. Only Falcon’s chair was empty, but Mumphrey understood that searching for the missing Lindy Wilson had to take priority for the aerial hero. Lisa watched Sir Mumphrey watching the Lair Legion. “You’re proud of them, aren’t you?” she suggested to the eccentric Englishman. “I can see it in your eyes.” “Yes,” he admitted with a tight voice. “Just listen to them. Listen what they’re saying.” “Why I’m a Legionnaire?” CSFB! grinned. “It’s the only thing to be. Fellowshipofheroesmoderndaypantheonfightinginjusticetogether…” “Now you’ve set him off,” Hatman warned them. “He’ll be citing comic books for hours. But what he means is, we do the job because someone has to, and the duty’s fallen on us.” ~~That’s an interesting comment,~~ Cressida the wonder worm telepathed from dull thud’s intestine. ~~I agreed to do this because I felt it was the socially responsible thing to do. And because it was better than letting Davie rot his liver away in the Fatal Toilet every night. But why are the rest of you in the LL?~~ “Because it is to be being where all of Yo’s friends are to be being,” Yo answered quickly. “And is to be good people to be doing good things.” “Yeah,” agreed Trickshot. “Plus when you’re as good as me, where else is there to go?” “It’s all the great power and great responsibility stuff,” Nats added. “And we get to amazing places, meet amazing people…” Then he went back to staring at Uhuna. “Duty, of course,” Mr Epitome answered as people looked to him. “Presidential orders. Chain of command. Best use of human resources.” “And you want to subvert us to be mindless government puppets,” Dancer noted with a mischievous little smile. “Right, Dream?” But even that didn’t divert CrazySugarFreakBoy! from his dissertation on the mythic aspects of the Lair Legion. “Well I’m here because I like to help,” Dancer added. “Sometimes people need help.” “And I am here because I do not believe in slavery,” rumbled the Manga Shoggoth. “Er…?” Visionary puzzled. “He views receiving without giving back as a form of exploitation,” Lisa explained. “And he hates slavery. He wouldn’t want to enslave us into looking after him while he finds a way to rejoin his larger biomass, so he gives back by serving in the LL.” “And I am here purely in an observational and data gathering capacity,” the Librarian added. “No, honestly. I’m not allowed to do anything else.” “If you say so,” Dancer said dryly. “I’m here for the research possibilities,” Al B. told them. “There’s so much to discover.” “So it was nothing to do with our last lady-mechanic only wearing an overall when she worked?” HALLIE checked. “That’s part of what he wus hopin’ to discover,” snickered Trickshot. “What about you, Visionary?” Lisa asked wickedly. “Did we ever work out why you’re here?” “He is here because he is a Great Man, you doody-head!” Asil hissed loyally. “Er, well, I guess I just… got swept along with things,” Vizh admitted. “And also because you are to be being lovely cute-man who is making sense of what is all we are to be striving for,” Yo added. “And we love you!” “Plus, the scapegoat thing,” Lisa considered. “That’s important.” “What about you, then?” Asil asked the amorous advocatrix pointedly. “Why do you keep coming?” “To the LL, she means,” Vizh added hurriedly. Lisa took a sip of her wine. “The fees,” she answered casually. “And also because you’re the one who called us together and inspired us, Lisa,” Hatman added. “Hmm. But mostly the fees,” Lisa told him. “What about you, Sir Mumphrey?” Dancer challenged. “We’ve all said why we’re here. What about you?” “Ah, but I’m not a member of the Lair Legion,” the eccentric Englishman told them. “Just fillin’ in for young Finny, what?” “Oh rubbish,” declared Lisa. “You’re proud to be one of us. Admit it.” Sir Mumphrey Wilton tugged at his moustaches and harrumphed. “Well, I suppose I am,” he confessed. “Pleased to be here for a short while, I mean. Dash it all, I never expected to get so involved. Never thought I’d end up…” “Confused and buried in paperwork?” suggested Visionary, who had once led the Lair Legion himself. “Learning something,” the old man admitted. “Old dogs and new tricks and all that. Never expected to learn something.” “What?” the Librarian asked curiously. “What have you learned?” “Hope in the younger generation,” answered Mumph. “The measure of heroism. And I’ve been reminded of some things I’d maybe forgotten. Strength of comradeship. Importance of striving for right. Power of love. Enough said.” Trickshot meant to break in there with a cynical comment, but there was something in his eye. “So why are you with the Lair Legion then?” Dancer persisted to Mumphrey. “Really why?” “Because it’s a privilege,” he told them. “An honour. A high calling. A grave responsibility. A greater blessing.” “Wait till you see the compensation claims we have from the Big Blackout incident,” Amber St Clare warned him. Mumphrey rose from his chair and lifted his glass. “A toast,” he called. He waited until his comrades were on their feet then called out, “To being in the Lair Legion.” And the Lair Legion drank to that. “You’re going to miss it, aren’t you?” Asil murmured to Sir Mumphrey quietly as they all sat down. “Yes,” the old man said. “I am.” Lots more rationales for why various characters are in the Lair Legion (or not) at The Why Week Site The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom Who's Who in the Parodyverse Where's Where in the Parodyverse Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2004 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2004 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. |
chillwater.plus.com (212.159.106.10) U.S. Company
Microsoft Internet Explorer 6/Windows 2000
Microsoft Internet Explorer 6/Windows 2000
| Follow-Ups: |
|
| Echo™ v2.1 Alpha 1 © 2004 Powermad Software |
|
|