For many years, the mine had been a bustling hive of activity. It was literally the sole source of income for the nearby town. So, when circumstance forced it to close down, the town was abandoned.

Years later, a house was built over the old mine site. The mine was forgotten. But there was one who had no forgotten. One who lived in the mine.

With the construction of this house...

the Mine Mime awakened.

‘kay, this is for a Russian newspaper me and a friend did last year. I thought the mine mime would be a good addition to the Parodyverse. I’ll write a story with him sometime soon.

by Lladimir Vlyich Ienin

RUBTSOVSK- Some of you may have noticed the mime in the mine that disturbs the workers while they are mining. Its existence is not a legend, but the truth.

The mime in the mine is notorious for wreaking havoc in the mine while the miners are mining. He, or she (we’re not entirely sure), frequently hits workers while they are mining. It hits the workers with its hands, mining tools, and rocks. He strikes at any time of the day or night, hitting any worker, regardless of status. The workers are finding the mime to be very bothersome and they want him to be disposed of.

The secret police constables, Rachna Hacharova and Nikita Belshopika, are working in secret on this case. They believe that the mime lives in the mine and comes out during working hours. Their solution is to block up the mine, but we shall see how that progresses. They ask that anyone reading this article not disclose this information to other people.

It is apparent that the workers of the mine are distraught by having a mime working in the mine with them. One said, "He...he…he’s always in that box! It’s terrible, he cannot get out!!!" Other miners have different reactions. Some think that he should just be shot. Others think that he’s trying to tell us something, or warn us of an impending tragedy.

The mine owners are thinking and rethinking of ways that they could get rid of the mime. One suggested, "We could set traps. Like mouse traps, except put white face makeup as bait." We’ll keep you updated on their research.

Meanwhile, the people of the mine are saying that the mime is jeopardizing their family lives. He/she is preventing them from working, therefore they are not making as much money and their families are getting hungry. They blame the mime for tearing up their family relationships.

The mime replied to these accusations by saying, "I don’t know what they’re talking about! I mean…(hand gestures in total silence)."

We’ll keep you updated on the events in this story.

Baffin Island, 1876

(translated from Inuit dialect)

spiffik: Many seals give themselves to us today, no?

Jarvinin: Yes, it shall be a rare feast indeed upon our return.

spiffik: ‘tis a shame that Atkak perished.

Jarvinin: Who?

spiffik: Our former leader.

Jarvinin: Ohhhh, he was our leader…

spiffik: And to think that the shaman said great things were ahead for you…

Jarvinin: The who?

spiffik: The sham- what is that?

The pair, in their conversation, had failed to notice a strange figure standing near them. It was dressed strangely, with no skins or furs to keep it warm. Instead, it wore simply a tight, black and white shirt and black pants. Its face was very pale, with its eyes and lips accentuated.

Jarvinin: Who’s that?

spiffik: I have no idea… hello, sir? May I ask your name?

The man… (or woman?) simply stood there, staring.

Jarvinin: He makes me nervous. Hold me?

spiffik: We went over this before… Sir? Is there something wrong?

The thing just looked at him, then suddenly started making motions with its hands. Neither Inuit could make any sense of what it was doing.

Jarvinin: Whoa… he’s going all oogly-woogly here… Hold me.

spiffik: I have a mate already. And we’re both male. Let’s go, this… thing is strange.

The pair turned to leave. As they walked away, spiffik suddenly fell to the ground. Turning, Jarvinin saw the thing holding a large stick. It waved at him. Realising that it had hurt and maybe killed spiffik, he did what he always did in situations like this.

Jarvinin: (curled up in fetal postion) Please don’t hurt me… him, not me… I’m good…

He remained that way for many hours, eventually getting the nerve to look around. spiffik was gone, leaving only a path in the snow where the thing had dragged him away.

The Soviet Union, 1935.

It was not a good day for Marvach. He was a miner, and had just been transferred from his mine of 17 years to a new one. But he’d heard things about this mine. None of them were good. Overhearing the conversation of two nearby soldiers did not help things.

(translated from Russian)

Joe: Hey, look, a new miner.

Frank: Wonder how long he’ll last.

Joe: I give him an hour.

Frank: Yeah? He’s a big guy… two hours. Bet you 50 craucalachs.

Joe: Done. So, how’s the hut… beavers! Get them!

Marvach watched as Frank and Joe attacked the beavers, but could not watch their suffering as the beavers fought back. Taking a deep breath, he entered the mine. Remembering that he needed equipment, he came back out, only to return when he had everything he needed. The mine was very dark. It was pitch dark, like… pitch. So Marvach turned on his lamp. So far, this mine seemed like any other. Dark, dusty… mineish. Venturing further, he stopped abruptly when he saw a… mime.

Marvach: Um.. sir? This is not open to civilians. You must be going.

The mime looked at him with an unnerving stare. Marvach felt as if the mime could see into his very soul. Just as Marvach couldn’t take anymore, the mime moved. It put up its hands, and indicated that it was stuck inside of a wall. Walking around Marvach, he showed that there was a wall surrounding them both. Marvach got sick of this very quickly.

Marvach: *sigh*… I really don’t have time for this.

He took a step forward, and ran into the wall. Deciding that he should probably not walk into the wall, he walked deeper down into the mine. The silly mime had thought there was a wall around them… then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see the mime leaning on a chair. Giving him a quizzical look, Marvach turned back around, only to sense something happening behind him. Whirling around, Marvach saw the mime wielding the chair, bringing it down upon him.

Marvach: Not in the faaaaaaaaaace! Man, that hurt…

The mime proceeded to give Marvach the thrashing of a lifetime.

Marvach was never seen again.