Jarvis: Man, monitor duty sucks.

Visionary: You’re telling me… why’re you here anyways?

Jarvis: Me and Lisa had a bet. I lost. This is the punishment.

Visionary: What was the bet?

Jarvis: I don’t want to talk about it.

Visionary: Come on, tell me.

Jarvis: Shut up.

Visionary: Please?

Jarvis: That’s it, you’re on monitor duty for the rest of the month!

Visionary: I was anyways…

Jarvis: … shut up.

Visionary: Nothing’s happening… where is everyone? We’re the only ones in the Lair!

Jarvis: Kinda weird, isn’t it? Hey, look! Here come Banjooooo and spiffy!

Visionary: All right… wait a second… they’re not coming in. They’re just standing out there… moving their lips. Weird. Jarvis: Maybe they’re talking.

Visionary: Uh… heh heh… what about?

Jarvis: Dunno. Here, isn’t there an intercom around here somewhere?

Visionary: Yeahhh… here it is.

Visionary pressed a button and a ballet dress popped out of the wall nearby.

Visionary: … that’s not mine.

Jarvis: Then why does it say "Visionary" on it?

Visionary: … disregard that.

Jarvis: Why do you have a…

Visionary: Hey, here’s the button! Let’s listen to their conversation, NOW!

Jarvis: Yeah…

The pair went very silent, listening to the dialogue between the two youths. spiffy: … so we can’t ever tell them how I got the mansion, or how you came to rule the undersea kingdom, all right?

Banjooooo: You got it. It would be terrible if they found out. Let’s go inside now.

spiffy: Okay. Visionary’s probably there, so don’t mention any of this.

As spiffy and Banjooooo entered the building, Jarvis and Visionary looked at each other in shock.

Jarvis: Now that I think of it, how did two underaged guys get all that stuff?

Visionary: Well, I guess there’s only one thing to do. Jarvis: Anything involving "The Dance of the Sugerplu-Visionary: Here they come! We should confront them. Jarvis: No, it’s better to let them keep their secrets. spiffy: Hey guys, what’s up?

Jarvis: What’re you hiding?? How’d you get your house??? And you, your undersea kingdom????

Visionary: What happened to…

Jarvis: Shut up!

Banjooooo: Uh oh… they’re onto us.

spiffy pulled a file out of his pocket.

spiffy: Take these files and run! Don’t let anyone else see them! Banjoooo: What’re you gonna do?

spiffy: I’ll slow them down!

Banjoooo: But I have the powers… why didn’t you keep the papers and run with me holding them off?

spiffy: … just go!

Banjooooo ran off, leaving spiffy to face Visionary and Jarvis alone.

Visionary quickly pressed the alarm button, calling the rest of the Lair Legion to his aid…

Jarvis: Aw, c’mon spiffy, just tell us already!

spiffy: NEVER!!!!

Space Ghost: We have ways of making you talk...

spiffy: No...not the trout! Anything but the 50 pound trout! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Unfortunately for Visionary and Jarvis, the remaining members of the Lair Legion had better things to do than respond to another one of Vizh’s highly suspect alarm calls. After all, the last three "major" crises during Vizh’s tenure as monitor involved small, hairy spiders that had tried to nest in the replicant’s shoe. Now, as a result of those alleged "accidents," no one trusted Vizh to know a true emergency if it bit him in his synthetic ass.

Thus, while Jarvis and Visionary waited futilely for back-up in dealing with the suddenly aggressive spiffy, Banjoooo was beating tracks to his favorite hidey-hole, the Parodyverse Municiple Aquarium and Fried Clam Stand. Oddly, the giant kingly sea monkey hadn’t a clue as what was in files that he clutched so tightly to his scaly chest. However, he thought, if spiffy said they were vital, then they must be. On the other hand, spiffy might simply be an extremely persuasive ninny. Gasping for breath, Banjoooo decided the jury was still out on that one.

Jarvis: So, uh...you think you can beat the two of us?

spiffy: Well...I dunno...

Jarvis: Shyeah, right.

*Jarvis decks spiffy, who promptly falls to the ground and begins to bruise*

Jarvis: Anyway, we have to go find Banjooo. Throw spiffy in lock-up and meet me in the hangar.

Visionary: Uh...you got it.

spiffy: Ow! That friggin’ HURT!

Visionary: Ah, quit yer whinin’. Come on.

spiffy: Hey, Visionary, look over there!

*Visionary, falling for trick # 2 in the Big Book o’ Old Tricks, does indeed look over there, and spiffy pulls a potted fern out from behind, smashing it over Vizh’s head and knocking him out cold*

spiffy: Let’s see how YOU like it in lock-up. Now to help Banjooo.

Visionary wakes up on a hard cement floor, in a place he recognizes as one of the LL jail cells.

Visionary: I’m never gonna get off of monitor duty.

Banjooooo had run out of breath and stopped to try to regain it. Also he wanted to take a look at these all important files spiffy wanted heisted. But before he could do mor ethan glance at them, a low seductive female voice spoke from the shadows:

"Hello, big boy," well since Banjooooo was a giant Sea Monkey and, as set forth in earlier parodies, definitely male, this salutation was appropriate if to Banjoooooo somewhat onimous, " What have you got there?"

"ERK!" Banjoooo took one look at the scantily clad figure that stepped out of the shadows and did what any red-blooded sea monkey would do - he fled for his life, shrieking, leaving the all important files strewn about the street.

The mysterious female figure set to recovering them, murmuring, "Strange. I wonder why he did that? Oh well." Picking up the last file, she straighten and began sauntering down the street to meet to meet her one and only true love.

The androgynous figure, having used its powers of prescience, had divinated the future, discovering that spiffy and Banjoooo end up slaughtering the Lair Legion. His course was clear: he must stop this affair before it started.

spiffy met the shaken Banjoooo in their secret place—the local arcade. spiffy was impatiently tapping his foot, waiting for the oversized sea-monkey to arrive.

spiffy, not seeing the files on Banjoooo’s person, quickly snapped at him. "Where are they?"

"Where’s what?" Banjoooo, still shaken, wasn’t thinking clearly.

"The files, idiot!"

"Oh—uh—well...that is...I—er—"

"You lost them," spiffy concluded for him.

"Yes."

"Imbecile!" spiffy slapped Banjoooo upside the head. "I have connections with Namor, you know. I could make life very unpleasant for your undersea kingdom!"

"Geez, I’m sorry, spiff! I promise I won’t do it ag—"

A loud explosion rocked the arcade.

Jarvis, empowered by the full might of the JarvisCosmic, stood before them, power radiating from his body.

"J-Jarvis? With the JarvisCosmic?" Banjoooo stammered.

"Not really." spiffy was cool as ice.

"What the hell have you two been up to?" Jarvis imperiously commanded.

"That’s none of your business. And by the way, do you really have your JarvisCosmic back?"

"spiffy, don’t egg him on..."

"Quiet! I’ll deal with you later!" spiffy glared at Banjoooo.

"W-What are you talking about? I’m in perfect harmony with the JarvisCosmic!"

"You aren’t. You don’t have powers, remember? Evil spiffy stole them, didn’t he?"

"But—but—you’re wrong! I-I-aw, cripes, forget this, I’m going to the Happy Place!" And Jarvis vanished.

"How’d you get him off our backs, spiffy?" Banjooo was incredulous.

"It’s easy, once you know the secret of his power. Wonder why he was powerless all those months? Well, Jarvis has to fully confident in his abilities, and he has to be at harmony with himself. Disrupt that, like evil spiffy and I just did, and you put him at serious disadvantage."

"Uh...wow?"

A bright light permeated the remains of the arcade, blinding spiffy and Banjoooo.

"No, not again--!?"

"SPIFFY, BANJOOOO, I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE," a powerful voice boomed, a voice that sounded neither quite male, nor quite female. "AND IT HAS BEEN REVEALED TO ME IN ORDER FOR THIS CONTINUUM TO SURVIVE, YOU MUST... DIE."

Before they could respond, Banjoooo and spiffy were now two separate piles of ash on the floor.

The androgynous figure, its task completed, now utilized its trans-temporal abilities to open the door of time and disappear, off to execute the next phase of its plan.