"Of course we’ll go out with you—when monkeys fly out of our butts!!"

The two supermodel-resembling women laughed at Finny and Banjoooo, who proceeded to cram copies of The Wizard of Oz down their throats. Soon, winged monkeys erupted out of them, and they had dates for the evening—an evening which had only begun...

"Keel them!! Keel them all!!"

Chong tackled the half-drunken television producer, who was also, by no coincidence, the same guy who overlooked him for a part in Nash Bridges and given the part to Cheech instead. The producer had Yasmine Bleeth with him, whom the producer had hired not for her ability to act, but for her ability to attempt to procreate. She picked up a barstool and bludgeoned the out-of-work actor until his eyes were red. This process continued until she was trampled by a herd of screaming females—females who’d been subject to the pick-up lines of one Fin Fang Foom.

"No, really—I can’t get past that top button!!" he shouted after them, but to no avail—they’d mutilated their own ears rather than hear another undressing-you-with-my-eyes schtick.

Banjoooo looked as normal as a sea monkey could, but his image induced skin didn’t show how pale he was—it was the first time he’d seen reverse cosmetic surgery. "Didn’t you say that your pet crocodile did that once?"

"No, my psych teacher and international assassin Elder did, or at least he saw it."

"Ah." Banjooo then sauntered up to the bar and ground his brine-hardened heel into the tv producer’s sternum, while attempting to hit on Yasmine. Luckily—for her—she was unconscious at the time thanks to the trampling she’d received.

"Heeeey—aren’t you two underage?" the barkeeper asked.

"Uh, well..." Finny stuttered.

Suddenly, there was a scream—a woman’s one, from the sound of it. But it wasn’t—Plastic Man erupted from the door of the women’s bathroom, and impaled himself on a pool stick.

"GAHHH!! I was just being a good little peeping Eel, but then, I saw—I saw—"

Then, someone emerged with two sets of pants on—one around his ankles, and one pulled up—the one pulled up was a shapeshifted illusion, however, because Morph (from Age of Apocalyspe!) erupted.

"Well, well, well—looks like two peeping-toms-shapeshifting-into-women-so-they-can-get-a-looksie saw each other pantsless instead!!" Banjoooo chuckled.

"That...isn’t...funny!!" Morph gasped, as whatever color he had returned to him. "I mean, c’mon—I haven’t had a paying appearance since that one-panel cameo in Kingdom Come!"

"Hey, I remember you now—I was in that bar, too!" Eel said.

Banjoooo started ranting "Losers!! EVERYBODY was in that scene—Obsidian, Deadman, Creeper, Rorshach, Sherlock Holmes, Lobo, that talking tiger from Captain Marvel...*twenty minutes later* Joker’s Daughter, Grey Ghost, Nightstar, Marvin, and the Village People!!"

"Heeeey—I wonder if that female Kid Flash is single..." Finny mused.

"This sucks!!" Banjooo commented. "Isn’t there a superheroes’ nightclub out there, somewhere?"

"Yes, there is!!"

They all turned to see Mark Waid crash through a window, followed by Devon Grayson. They crumpled on the floor, and were soon pinned by Captain America and Sharon Carter! "Give. Me. My. Shield. Back." Cap said, before looking up to see Finny, Banjoooo, Plastic Man, Morph, and Yasmine Bleeth all staring in shock.

"Don’t just stand there, DO something!!" Finny turned to see who had said it to him—before recognizing...JAMI!!!

"Uh, well, the thing is—Cap’s like the greatest hero ever, and if I throw down with him, I throw down with the Avengers, which is just something I don’t do, and, um, yeah..."

"Medieval little coward..." she thankfully skulked off, muttering to herself.

Waid stumbled to his feet, apparently the victim of a double-date gone horribly wrong. He then recognized Finny—"Hey, you took away my bat during that Anti-Moderator fiasco!!" (hey, I wrote that too!)

"I have no recollection of that incident..." Finny said before he flew away in terror.

Banjoooo, meanwhile, switched off his image-inducer and decided that getting into a fight with Devon Grayson and Sharon Carter would be a good thing, for many unmentionable reasons.

Cap took off after Waid, who’d taken off after Finny. However, all three were stopped by none other than Nightwing, who had decided that Devon Grayson had to change her last name. "Even the guy who writes CAP is getting some, and Oracle, Huntress, Clancy, Donna Troy, and every other female in the DCU is ignoring me!?! Now I kill Chuck Dixon!!"

"Schhyeah right, ‘Wing—who’ll write your series as good as he has? Doug snicker Moench? Maybe Devon Grayson will decide to make you a touchy-feely wussy boy, and have you settle down!!"

"NOOOOO!!" Nightwing kicked Waid in the head for making him Robin again in KC, and was just about to leave—when it happened...

Banjoooo ran out into the street in glee, having gotten Kid Flash’s phone number as well as copping a feel during the fight with Devin and Sharon Carter. "I’m gonna score with a superchick—from the future and one of the coolest stories ever, even!!"

As for what happened next, no one can say—a blur of red drove Banjoooo into the cement of the street, and Wally West and the Teen Titans stood at Waid and Devin’s defense—"Try to score with my daughter, willya!?!" West shouted, his face as red as his suit. "But we’ll settle it at...the Baxter Building!!"

The former headquarters of the FF was now a superhero nightclub, and it had a few extras —such as the steel cage Banjooo and Wally West were now locked in. Finny, Plas, Morph, and Yasmine Bleeth were held back by the Titans, who were being led by Devin Grayson instead of Dick Grayson, and the latter wasn’t too happy about it. Cap and Sharon Carter had disappeared into the dark recesses of Avengers Mansion, along with Lisa...(where’d she come from!?!)

It was a short fight—despite Banjooo’s fighting prowess, Flash’s near-lightspeed attacks and maneuvering gave him the advantage: "Um, would you *whouulf!* hold still *ungh!* for *hurrkt!* a second *I’ll never have children!*?

Just as he prepared to deliver the final, impotence-inducing blow, Kid Flash showed up—along with Impulse!! "Daddy, either let me have Banjoooo, or I go out with him!!"

"But—he’s a member of the Allen/West bloodline—this isn’t the south..."

"HEY!!!" Waid, being from the south himself, straightarmed the Flash.

"Another word outta you, and I let Morrison write you again!!"

"*sniff* I’ll be good..."

"Hey, I kinda like his stuff—and he’s cute!!" said Devon.

"GAHHHH!!!" the notion that people would think that someone’s a good writer because they’re attractive was too much for Finny to bare, and he wrenched free of the Titan’s grasp. He then clocked Devon Grayson into a beautiful oblivion, and freed Plas, Morph, and Yasmine.

"Hey, at least Morrison let me join the JLA!!" said Eel.

"Do you know how annoying it is to have to think of an excuse not to write the half of the JLA that sucks and get away with it!?!" shouted Waid, who was giving Flash an indian burn, referring to his fill-in work on JLA. He then went after Finny, who took Waid’s punches with ease—his eyes glazed over, and he assumed a completely calm state.

Finny looked at Devon, who was plummeting through the stratosphere.

"You, my friend, have made a mistake."

And then Finny lost his mind.

Banjooooo shuddered, and hid under a table, as he’d escaped from the steel cage. But Kid Flash crawled under the table with him, and ------------------------------------------------------------ followed by a quick---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------.

Waid literally never saw what hit him, because hell hath no fury like a father enraged, let alone a father of a teenage daughter who wears tights all the time, can be called "fast", and failed to prevent—that—happening to his daughter because the idiot who wrote his was too sex-crazed to think straight.

Finny, meanwhile, had decided that females were a threat to society. Normally-logical Waid had been affected, and the comic reading masses had as well. He refused to be taken in by them, and turned to the only people crazy enough to help him in his insane quest. Plas fainted from the very notion of it, Yasmine’s brain was too small to comprehend it, and Morph didn’t really care either way.

Finny pulled out a small signaling device, and contacted the cast of My Pet Crocodile. The kid, his pet crocodile, Dr. Cow, Elder, Post-Al, and their spokesmodel Zoey all stood ready to wage war on the nightclub scene...

The kid, his pet crocodile, Dr. Cow, Zoey, Elder, and Post-Al all stood before Fin Fang Foom and Banjooooo. Finny, still twitching and babbling incoherently, laid on the floor in a fetal position.

"You have to help me...eradicate the universe of females!!" said Finny.

They looked at each other, and then at Zoey—she pulled her t-shirt tight, which ensured her survival.

"Um...no. I mean, we need at least Zoey around to—y’know, keep the Croc in line and happy."

"NOT YOU TOO!?!?!" shouted Finny, seconds before Post-Al decked him with his Stamp Axe.

"No females? *shudder*" Plastic Man and Morph both went into convulsions. Mark Waid and Devon Grayson grabbed Wally West and his daughter, Kid Flash, and jumped into a boom tube, fearing the croc’s wrath.

"So...what do we do with him? We can’t exactly just let him loose—I mean, I’ve just discovered the...joys...of having females around" said Banjooo, referring to his bout of special hugging with Kid Flash.

The Croc, still wearing his favorite tuxedo, subdued Finny and motioned towards a sign on the wall of the Baxter Building nightclub—"supervillain therapy tonight".

"Great," said Dr. Cow, "we can ditch—er, drop him off—there, and go continue our mission."

"Which is?" asked Banjoooo.

"It depends—today, I think we’ll go to the publishing factory and get all those late Marvel comics. You, Plas, Morph, and Yasmine Bleeth can come along if you want."

"Cool—but shouldn’t someone stay with Finny?"

"Nah, he’ll be fine!!’

They shoved Finny into the therapy room, where NTU-150 and Tina greeted him.

"I thought—must destroy!!--that Lisa—kill females!!--ran this thing?"

"She did, until her...methods...of treatment violated the censored part of the Constitution."

Finny took a sugar cookie and sat in the circle of folding chairs—Moo, Titania, Earthmover, Conduit, and others joined him.

"Hey there big dragon—who was that guy in the cow exoskeleton with the sexy cape?"

"Uh...Dr. Cow, but he’s taken—so to speak..."

"By whom? I’ll outperform her any day!!"

"Well...I can’t tell you who she is...she has a boyfriend..."

"Ohhh—a homewrecker, eh?"

"Um, I think the thing is starting..."

Meanwhile, Banjooo and the others broke into the publishing facility, accompanied by several frisky security guards who had seen a few too many episodes of Baywatch. "C’mon...Avengers #12...Avengers #12...hey, what’s this—Action Comics #1000? I thought that gimmick was a one millionth issue?"

"No—our worst fears have come true—remember the rumors about how Kingdom Come would be the set future for the DCU (see four color review’s website for more—I think it’s them, at least)?" Dr. Cow commented, "My God—they never got anything above a third-string writer for the titles—and Mark Waid never got to write it!!"

A boom tube erupted, with Mark Waid, Devon Grayson, Flash, and Kid Flash inside. "Curses!! You have discovered my conspiracy—but you shall not live to tell about it!! Besides, Banjooo—if you stop me, your little girlfriend will never exist!!"

"D’oh!!"

Waid set off multiple alarms, and they fought as they boom tubed back to the Baxter Building—where an even worse fate awaited them...

(twenty minutes ago)

"Okay, Finny, it’s your turn!!" said Tina, but Finny refused to speak—until NTU pointed the added armory his special suit allowed at Finny’s head.

"Uh...I guess it started around the whole wedding fiasco, and then I died..."

"Oh yeah—how’d you come back after that?"

"I know!!" said Titania—who pulled off her Scooby Doo-ish false face to reveal — TEAUNA!!!!

"Who?" asked Tina.]

"I knew her in high school—but she can’t stop me!!"

"You wish—you sold your soul to me to get back your life, remember?"

"Uh...not really, but if it’s true, I probably blocked it out of my memory for fear of my cerebellum fusing..."

"Why’s you sell your soul, Finny?"

"*coughFinnyJr.cough*"

"NOOOO!!" shouted Finny responding to Teauna’s hidden remark. "I’ll kill you!! I’ll kill every female ever!!"

"That’s right—go ahead, hit me—we both know you like the rough—"

"...urk..." Finny passed out from shock, and faced certain doom at her hands...until Len Kaminski, armed with a nail gun and violent disposition, took her out!!

"Heeey, it’s Len Kaminski—the guy who wrote the issues of Iron Man with the NTU armor in it!!" said NTU.

"Finny first started reading IM when I was writing—that means he’s under MY protection!!"

Earthmover jumped the Baxter Building security forces who were trying to capture Finny, and summoned the rest of the Kaminski Krew—ROLL CALL!! Crimson Dynamo (the sixth one, Shatalov)!! Earthmover!! Philip "Raven" Grant in the NTU Tony used to take on Vor/Tex (evil robot-looking thing—the NTU, that is)!! Bethany Cabe!! And...Len Kaminski himself!!

"Maximum candlepower!!" Raven shouted as he blasted a dozen security guards with his visor’s optic blasts. With the minor threat gone, they took on the major one—Teauna herself!! Her eyes glowed, and she was infused with the power...of Nekra!!

"Uh-oh—GR’s not gonna be too happy about this!!" NTU commented.

As if on cue, a being who was switching from being Gauntlet to being the Grim Reaper to being Firefly: Agent of Cobra to being Man-Ape to being Hobgoblin II burst in, and blasted Teauna/Nekra.

"So, the two most diabolical females on earth have joined forces!!" said GR—who looked at a disapproving Moo and said "present company excluded, of course."

Finny came to his senses: "Teauna—diabolical!?! Nah, Nekra must be doing all the hard work."

"This sucks!!" Moo said. "I just came here to meet guys!!" She was then eyed by Sauron, who showed her his hands-on approach to psychology.

GR slashed Nekra/Teauna, and they would have died, but instead they released the extra soul they had—that of Finny’s!!

"Haha, I’m saved!!" he cried, and hid behind Crimson Dynamo.

Suddenly, Banjoooo and the others crashed in—and started telling their new gospel—namely, the Who’s Who of the DCU they found with Action Comics #1000. All those nightclub-goers in the Baxter Building shelled out major cash to find out their destinies—until Devin Grayson seduced Banjooo into giving the book back to her. She put it in a "safe place"—which really wasn’t that safe, if you know what I mean—and scampered away. The Croc and his buddies took on the Titans, who’d been hitting up Jim Lee to do their covers after their new leader Devin Grayson disappeared. Plas, Morph, and Yasmine Bleeth went looking for Lisa--for obvious reasons--until the Kaminski Krew burst in and kicked the crap out of EVERYONE.

"Calm down, all of you--we have a slightly dim female with the power of an evil female, we have to work together!!" It worked until Alex Ross was...violated...and they got ready to fight again. But they were saved by a married couple...

"No wonder you're all single--so immature, clubbing around and brawling!!" said Visionary and Cheryl, who chided them for their violent and erotic tendencies.

The fight ended, the party started again--but everyone wanted that copy of Who's Who in the DCU that Devon Grayson had--and it was only a matter of time before one of the many bizarre people there flipped out and provoked World War III...

"Verily, the fabled tavern-district of Ausgard hath not seen such close competition such as this place!!"

Donar stood on the main floor of the Baxter Building, now a superhero nightclub, where he was surrounded by all his favorite things—and people—to do. He was not alone; hundreds of strange Parodyverse denizens partied around him—but under Cheryl’s watchful eyes. Minutes ago, she’s yelled at them for brawling and carousing in public. "That’s what marriage is for, and that’s why married couples stay inside all the time!!" she reminded them.

Everyone but Banjoooo had their eyes on Devin Grayson—after all, the Who’s Who in the DCU handbook from the future was tucked in her bra. Banjoooo was too busy putting the Kingdom Come’s Kid Flash’s superspeed to...creative...uses to notice.

Two groups of people wanted that handbook more than others—namely, My Pet Crocodile and friends, and the Kaminski Krew. As Donar re-instated the outlawed practice of midget tossing; they crept towards Devin...until they were stopped by the most fearsome female of all—Moo!!

"Theeeere you are, Dr. Cow—would you like to give me a check-up...?"

The Croc, armed with his indestructible tuxedo and in heat, grabbed Dr. Cow’s spokemodel, Zoey, and disappeared into the crowd—most of the crowd was later institutionalized, but that’s beside the point right now.

"*sigh*--Post-Al...deal...with her." Dr. Cow commanded his bodyguard robot.

His Stamp Axe swung, but was stopped in mid-air by Donar!! "Hath thou forgotten that a woman such as Moo is capable of most practical uses?!?"

"Cripes—not again!" Fin Fang Foom, once again confounded by the continued desire of mankind to let females live for that one, unmentionable reason, grew to his regular giant size and started punting people.

Devin and Cheryl commanded the masses to attack Finny, but were caught off-guard by none other than Len Kaminski!! He dropped the unabridged Star Trek Encyclopedia on them, followed by all the unsold copies of the Kavanagh-written Teen Tony saga issues.

"Takin’ care of biznatch!!" said Kaminski, seconds before Visionary drop-kicked him into a horde of desperate singles.

"Who you callin’ a biznatch!?!" shouted Vizh, as he pulled the worthless literary spam off of Cheryl and Devin.

Finny caught Kaminski, and the sixth Crimson Dynamo zapped the handbook out of Devin’s shirt with his photon blasters.

Everyone in sight dived for the handbook, but it was caught by the only person who deserved to catch it—Chronicler of Stories!!

"Bah—easily distracted and commanded by females, eh?" chortled CoS, who disappeared.

Finny used the distraction to shake off his attackers, and stepped on most of the Titans. "Next time, have Devin give you better fighting skills rather than better characterization!!"

Banjoooo was "done", so he joined the ruckus, as only a giant sea monkey can. He was joined by Donar and Post-Al, who had discovered they had one thing in common—they both liked being overly violent!! The Baxter Building suffered the most, but they managed to disembowel a few dozen Spawn fans too.

Meanwhile, NTU-150 and Tina were getting frustrated—it’s hard to give therapy to supervillains when World War III is going on in most of the building you’re in. One of their patients, in a completely calm voice, said "Don’t worry—I’ll go check on everyone else, and make sure they’re all happy and see if anyone needs a time-out." Normally, seeing a crazed megalomaniac say that would be creepy, but seeing The Grim Reaper say it was slightly more scary than a John Tesh concert. He got up, walked out, and stopped the facade, resuming his irregular personality.

"None shall stand against us!!" he shouted, as the AWML Assembled—well, Finny and CoS, at least. They proceeded to wreak havoc in various unmentionable forms. The My Pet Croc gang and Kaminski Krew joined them, and they fought anyone and everyone—‘cept Mark Waid, who was "saved" for Finny.

"Write my fave character like that, willya!?!" Finny cried, referring to the atrocity men call the Cap/IM ‘98 annual, as he engaged in a Tom-and-Jerry like chase scene with Waid.

However, all were silenced by one remark...

"spiffy-sense tingling!!!"

They all turned to see spiffy sitting at a table, waiting for someone to take his order—only he’d been warned of Cheryl’s impending attack by some unknown psychic warning.

"No, I’m pretty sure that’s just my hand on your thigh."

Not to be outdone, spiffy had managed to finagle Firestar into going on a date with him. "Oh. Well, I think that’s better than having a spiffy-sense anyway..." he commented.

"Blasted smooth talkers..." muttered Banjooooo, who realized that Cheryl was nonetheless planning an attack on the Baxter Building’s occupants.

"I TOLD you people that drunkenly fighting and procreating with each other is reserved only for marriage, so now yer all goin’ down!!"

"Heeeey—she stole my line!!" whined Finny, who prepared to use his tail as a golf club, but was interrupted by another new arrival—RICK JONES!!!

"AHHH!! I can’t see!!! I tried to summon Captain America for the latest ish of Avengers Forever, but he was in the mansion pool with Morph, Plastic Man, Yasmine Bleeth—and someone called...Lisa?!?"

"Heh...I don’t remember writing that, really I don’t..." lied Waid, whose latest issue of Cap was unduly...influenced...by an overly-hyper (and overly-hyped) girlfriend.

Jones was dragged off by Paladin, Yellowjacket I, Giant-Man I, Ant-Man I , and Dane Whitman, who wanted an army of Wasps for their own personal reasons.

Arguably the most least-heard-of Iron Man villain of all time—Earthmover—was commanded by his creator and master Len Kaminski to make a tunnel to the BZL, where they could hide out in the dimensional aperature coat room Finny was in charge of. The My Pet Croc gang joined them, and they disappeared under a layer of bedrock.

"Great—Cheryl’s big-deal plan is probably gonna kill us all, and they disappear!!" said spiffy, who barely managed to pull himself away from the t-shirt less version of Firestar’s costume.

CoS reappeared, confident that his plan would work—females tended to think alike, and he figured that getting rid of the Kaminski Krew and Croc gang would calm her down long enough to reveal the future of the DCU.

"It all starts with Grant Morrison and Mark Waid disagreeing..."

"If anyone has any ideas on how Visionary can get out of this, speak now, or forever hold your piece!!"

"Those same words were spoken at Visionary’s wedding God-knows-how-long ago," said Chronicler of Stories, "and so the tale was handed down throughout the ages—"

Before he could finish, his fears were confirmed—Cheryl, insane with rage, revealed the true source of her recent...biznatchiness...Nekra!!

"I told you guys that she isn’t normally that bossy!!" said Visionary, hoping to earn brownie points just in case he was wrong.

"Heeeeey, I get it—CoS started telling us about Vizh’s wedding instead of reading out of the DCU handbook so Cheryl would get mad and accidentally release Nekra so she won’t know about the future." Banjooooo said for those of you in the audience who hadn’t already figured it out, but without making you feel bad because you missed it because he just figured it out, too, and he’s usually pretty smart so that way you’ll think even really smart people—nevermind.

"Heeey—if that’s Nekra, where’s Teauna?" asked NTU-150.

In a completely unrelated move, Finny swallowed a disintegrator pistol and used his tail to sweep a pile of ash under the rug.

(scene shifts to Finny’s bedroom/home office, as he types this story)

Jami: Did you originally intend to use Nekra in Cheryl, or are you just scared of Cheryl?

Finny: Why would I be scared of her? Sure, she’s good at math and HTML and I’m not, and she’s demonstrated control over even the most intelligent of men as seen in her marriage to Visionary and females, let alone intelligent ones, scare me, and her stories have smooth characterization and mine have literary-extension-phallic-symbols like nail guns, bats, golf clubs, and that unabridged Star Trek encyclopedia, but that doesn’t mean that I’m insecure and—

Jami: Um...howbout I make you some three-cheese Macaroni and Cheese, we get under a blanket while we eat it and read your new Avengers: Under Siege TPB and you can take a break from writing—not because you’re scared, of course.

Finny: Ok. *returns to hiding under bed*

(scene shifts back to the Baxter Building)

Meanwhile, Grim Reaper, upon realizing that if Nekra was Cheryl, Nekra was married to Vizh and not him, had jumped up on a table.

"Yeah, baby, yeah!!" he said in an Austin Powers-voice that sounded just real enough that it was scary.

"I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that, because I like having whatever sanity I have left..." said CoS, who returned to revealing the future of the DCU. He let Nekra/Cheryl work out their pent-up wife-frustrations on Vizh as a distractionary measure, though.

"Gotta warn ya—it’s in King James english, so it might be hard to understand..."

" And thus, the fifteenth-string writers on the Superman titles were cast down to the fiery pits of Image-land, and good sirs Waid and Morrison did come on to right the wrongs their forewriters hath done to the Man of Steel. Alas, sir Waid did prefer to write action-packed, quick-read stories, while Morrison spun headache-inducing cosmic yarns which would ne’er be understood."

"Howe’er, there came a day, a day unlike any other, when a writer named Burch happened upon the titles of one Dark Knight, and he told tales that would be recorded for all time in the great anti-Schumaker equation. The great saga of No Man’s Land had ended with Gotham being abandoned, and Batman became a true loner—he spread his operations worldwide, but didn’t use agents as shown in Kingdom Come. He quit the JLA, and no longer relied on even Robin or Oracle."

"In dost meantime, Waid’s fair maiden Devin Grayson"—the chick with the shirt that’s half blown-off thanks to the Crimson Dynamo’s blast, not that I’m complaining—"did want to write Nightwing in her Titans title once again, as in the distant late 90’s. Burch was slighly...ornery...and refused her hand in sharing Nightwing. But Burch was wise; and knew that he couldn’t fight off Devin’s fearsome attacks without the help of a higher power—that of Morrison. With guidance, Morrison came to be a powerful ally, for Batman’s tales had no time travel or cosmic beings, and the limitation turned Morrison into a wise writer of non-confusing yarns."

"But Waid’s ego was heightened by Devin Grayson’s adulation of him, and he demanded that the KC future be one and the same for the rest of the DCU—but Burch and Morrison didn’t want Batman to be a team player, and a great battle ensued—a battle that ended with the Batman and Superman titles being good, but no one wanted to work on the ‘boring’ other DCU titles. Friendships were torn asunder, characterizations mishandled, and other horrible tragedies made themselves known."

"And it all could have been prevented by stopping Devin Grayson from writing comics."

They all stood in shock, ‘cept Grim Reaper, who was still gittin-jiggy-wit’-it on the tabletop.

Cheryl, who had managed to exorcise Nekra, decided the best course of action to take.

"Devin’s comics are pretty good, so we’ll just make sure that DC doesn’t milk KC too much, and everything will be fine. Even if it doesn’t work, hey—it’s just comix!!"

That was a mistake.

To her, it wasn’t a big thing to say "it’s just comix". But to a certain Fin Fang Foom, it meant his war against females was to be continued...

He ripped out a barstool which was bolted to the throw, and let fly—only to have his attack intercepted by everyone’s favorite genderless being...

"Throw that thing no more you being!!" said Yo, seconds before Yo put the smackdown on Finny.

"Not killing Cheryl you being, she know best way to not kill Devin Grayson and save U of DC!!"

As always, Yo was right, and even if he/she/it wasn’t, Starseed and Hollywood V were standing behind Yo, striking threating-looking poses.

"Yeah, alright, but this isn’t something where one single move will stop this future from happening—it all depends on Waid’s ego staying small, and Waid and Morrison getting along!!" said spiffy, who was playing hide-the-Avengers-communicard on Firestar’s person.

"Maybe, maybe not..." CoS said cryptically. "The only way the DC execs would concentrate solely on Supes and Bats would be if, say, a person who didn’t know anything about comics ran the show."

"Like Ted Turner, who owns DC and thinks they’re mishandling Bats, Supes, and Wonder Woman?" asked The Shaper of Worlds.

"Cripes."

As if on cue, Baron Zemo, armed with a sawed-off shotgun (*coughinsecuritymotivatedliteraryphallicsymbolcough*) cleared out the room, claiming that he had a blind date tonight, and that he didn’t want us messing it up. Fearing his Moderator-of-Kung-Fu-like power, everyone skittered away.

It was quite a sight—everyone pouring out of the Baxter Building, half-drunk and irritable. That is, all but Finny and CoS, who had a secret conversation going...

"Quickly, old friend—read this part of the Handbook!!"

"Okay." Finny said, "waitasec—‘Cher-El—dying of an alien virus, she was shipped off to Krypton, the only place in the universe with the technology to save her. She was there when it blew up, the red sun energy infusing her with Superman-like power—and making her the new guardian of the Parodyverse?!?"

He continued reading the strange pages..."Yo-Bunny—Forced by Jammortus to choose a gender, Yo outsmarted him by becoming a fuzzy bunny, whose reproductive abilities were enhanced a million times more than that of a regular rabbit, thus creating a new gender which only Yo could attain..."

"The Shaper of the Happy Place—to save the world from the Anti Space Ghost league, Shaper used his mental powers to save a world infected with deadly neural energy, which came from a sabotaged TV camera—only by uniting with the Happy Place could Shaper save the world; and he is now the most powerful being in the universe..."

It went on for pages—apparently, the Parodyverse had some crossover with the DCU, so it was all recorded in the future DCU handbook.

"But—look at this part about Jarvis—this is directly related to that Waid/Morrison thing!! But how did—"

"Silence, Finny!! We must lure Jarvis into the BZL so that we might prevent this future—but how?"

"I’ll think of something later—but shouldn’t we tell somebody about this?"

"The only person we dare trust is The Shaper of Worlds—he will be able to help us, but no one else must know!!"

They split up, CoS heading off to use Lisa’s...unique..repuation to get the BZLers in one place at one time, and Finny went to the BZL, where he planned to inform TSOW of the situation.

He got as far as his room, stepping over the stretched-out Plastic Man, creeping past Banjooo and spiffy’s rooms, where Kid Flash and Firestar were having the time of their lives, and allowing his Liefeld Model Decoy to handle the coat-room duties.

He opened the door to his room to get a marker, which he’d need for his plan. However, he was surprised to see Jami lying half-naked in his bed.

"Finally!! I’ve been waiting sooooooo long for you to get home, Finny!!"

"Um...I’ve got to go save the universe, so I can’t really—"

She rolled her eyes. "That excuse won’t work this time. Now, remember why you always miss the third quarter of football games?"

"Because I like the commercials so much, when the game comes back on I change the channel, looking for more commercials?"

"No..."

"Because I have all my Black Panther, Avengers Forever, Thunderbolts, and Iron Man comics under the couch to read during the break?"

"No..."

"Oh, wait, I know—because since we have that extra time, we might as well...y’know...and get carried away with it. But we can’t do that here..."

"Why not?"

"Uh...well, I hate cleaning carpet stains, and spending the night is—"

"I even brought my toothbrush!!" she interrupted, pulling Finny into bed.

"But we shouldn’t—mmmmhhmmm—CoS is counting on me, and I can’t—ahhhhhh—this isn’t the best time to—uhnnnnnnnn little to the left..."