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Um... here's the story, actually.... Sunday, 05-Mar-2000 21:52:39
Visionary was on monitor duty again. Of course, ever since Yo had taught him how to circumvent the channel lock Jarvis had installed on the television, Visionary tended to spend more time monitoring Cinemax. Right now he was diligently watching ‘Showgirls’ (the director’s cut) with Donar. While Visionary couldn’t say much for the writing, he found the cinematography to be superb. “I say thee nay!” Donar insisted. “Yon woman cannot possibly be said girl from ‘Saved by the Bell.” “I’m telling you, it is.” Visionary answered. “What’s more, the other one’s now the bad girl on 90210.” Donar shook his head in wonder. “Be nothing sacred?” Visionary noted that, despite his protests, Donar kept both his eyes glued to the screen. “That’s nothing. You don’t even want to know about the girl from ‘Who’s the Boss’, trust me...” “Is this what you do with your days?” A voice asked from behind him. Visionary turned to find his wife in the doorway. “Gaaaaaaaaah!” he exclaimed, fumbling for the remote. “We, ah... we were just flipping through channels...” he hastily explained. “Isn’t that right Donar?” “Nay, we were watching the fabled ‘lap-dance’ scene in...” “You’re not helping, Donar.” Visionary pointed out. He turned back to his wife and could tell by the glint in her eyes that she was silently laughing at him. “Say... what are you doing here anyway?” he asked. “And how did you get past security?” “I don’t know, dear.” Cheryl said calmly. “Isn’t that the kind of thing that needs monitoring? As for why I’m here... Lisa and I are going shopping.” She looked around the Lair Legion rec. room. “Is Yo around?” “I think he and Fleabot are still playing chess” Visionary answered with only a hint of an edge to his voice. Both Yo and Fleabot routinely trounced Visionary in chess, as well as most every other game known to man. “Why?” “I thought I’d ask her if she wanted to come along.” Cheryl answered. “Well, that’s a nice thought...” Visionary said, “but Yo’s a HE.” Visionary thought about it. “Well... sort of, anyway...” Cheryl looked at him with something resembling pity. “You mean you don’t know?” “Know what?” Lisa asked as she entered the room. “That Yo is, or at least *was*, a woman” Cheryl answered. “How could anyone possibly not know that?” Lisa asked. “I mean, you’d have to be blind. Or stupid.” She looked at Visionary critically. “Hmmm....” she said, suppressing a grin. “I suppose I’ve answered my own question.” Visionary ground his teeth in frustration. “Look, Yo’s my best friend in the Parodyverse” he stated testily. “I’d think I’d know if he was a she.” Cheryl sighed. “Think about it dear... The opera... the love of cute bunnies...” “That doesn’t prove anything.” Visionary answered stubbornly. “Besides, he said he hated ‘Titanic’...” “How about when Lisa and I tried to take over the Parodyverse and subvert all the males?” Cheryl asked patiently. “Yo joined our cause.” “Well, uh, so did I...” Visionary answered, less sure of himself. “Yeah, but that’s just because you’re whipped.” Lisa said. “Verily” Donar agreed, still watching the television. “Hey!” Visionary cried indignantly. He did that a lot when Lisa was around. “Now, Lisa...” Cheryl said innocently. “Be quiet. They’re much happier, as well as easier to control, if they don’t know the truth.” “Sorry.” Lisa answered. “Anyway, just read her Bio in the Lair’s computer files. She says right there that she used to be a woman.” “We have bio’s on file?” Visionary asked, shocked. “Of course we do-- they’re right next to the surveillance files. What the hell do you do for all those hours on monitor duty, anyway?” Lisa asked. “Er...” Visionary replied, looking around for any way to change the subject. “Shouldn’t you all be going? Besides, we’re making it hard for Donar to hear his movie...” “There be dialogue to this?” Donar said with surprise. “Once more...” Visionary said grumpily, “you’re not helping.” Lisa turned back to Cheryl. “I suppose he’s right, let’s get going. Yo said she’d rather play a few more games of chess.” They turned to leave. “I know this great lingerie shop on 57th...” She glanced back at Visionary. “Although, frankly, it seems a terrible waste of undergarments. Did I mention that you could do better?” “We’ve been through this before, dear” Cheryl answered patiently. She paused just before they walked out the front door. “Visionary, if you’re still not sure, why don’t you just ask Yo? Oh, and remember to pick up some milk on your way home...” she added as she shut the door. “Truly whipped indeed.” Donar noted. “Shut-up.” Visionary muttered. “Bingo!” Yo said happily. “I do believe you mean ‘check’” Fleabot replied. “Well played, but I’m not licked yet...” “Uh, Yo?” Visionary asked, hesitant to interrupt. “Yo, could I... er, that is... I wanted to ask...” He suddenly felt like a character in a Saturday Night Live skit. “Did you happen to be... at any time previous... I mean, I know that as of right now you’re not... but did you used to be...” Yo looked at him curiously. “Have you been once again sticking forks into the toaster?” Visionary sighed. Make one little mistake, he thought, and they never let you live it down... “I believe” the Fleabot said, still studying the board, “that he wanted to ask if you were ever a woman.” “Ah” Yo said in understanding. “Then why did he not?” “Hard to say” Fleabot answered. “I’ve only been here a short time, but it seems obvious to me that he has his share of problems, both mental and emotional.” “True” Yo agreed cheerfully. It occurred to Visionary that when you couldn’t get any respect from a flea, you may have hit rock bottom. Thankfully, his ego had taken enough blows in his lifetime to become extremely adaptable. He decided to press on. “Uh... so were you? A woman?” “Yes” Yo answered happily, as Fleabot made his next move. Visionary momentarily wondered how the flea-sized robot moved the pieces, but then forced his mind back on the question at hand. “You were? But why didn’t you tell me?!” “You never told me how you were plastic.” Yo pointed out. “Well, I... Hey! *Will* you stop saying that?! I’m real, dammit!” “Classic denial” Fleabot noted. “Why don’t you go outside and spread disease among the squirrels before I mix up a flea dip?!” Visionary said darkly. “You do realize that I’m a robot, not an actual flea, don’t you?” Fleabot responded calmly. “I rather doubt such methods would be effective... Besides, this is a fascinating example of the psychological ramifications of gender confusion.” Yo looked at Visionary curiously. “I did not realize that such things mattered to you.” Yo shimmered and turned into a pretty brunette with green eyes. “Is this a problem to you?” Yo-woman asked. “Uh, well... that is...” Visionary began in his usual eloquent manner. “No... I suppose not, really. I mean, it’s a little startling, that’s all. I really just wanted to know why you let me refer to you as ‘he’ all this time.” Yo shrugged. “It seemed to help people deal with my nature, to have them choose one gender for me. Some seemed to have a great deal of anxiety over such a silly thing.” “Yeah, well... people like to categorize each other. It’s easier to tell who’s date-able, and who’s not.” “And you are not having this problem with it?” Yo asked with interest. “Me? No...” Visionary said. “I’m married after all. Everyone’s undate-able. That makes these little surprises easier to deal with.” “Really?” “That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.” Visionary said quickly. “So... should I call you ‘she’?” “If you like, although I am partial to ‘Yo’.” She answered happily. “Actually, I have also gotten used to being called a ‘him’. Neither is more correct.” Yo smiled at him. “Still friends?” Visionary pretended to ponder it. “You’ll still watch football with me?” he asked. “Cheryl won’t watch at home. You, ah, you *do* still like American Football, don’t you?” “No” Yo-woman replied happily. “I just enjoy watching you throw fits at the calls by officials. Far more entertaining than the silly game.” It occurred to Visionary that the entire opposite sex enjoyed laughing at him a little too much, but that was nothing new. “So you *will* still watch?” Yo considered it. “Yes... if, once again, we can all go to the Opera.” “Deal!” Visionary said, wondering if Jarvis had changed the combination to the petty cash safe. He thrust out his hand. Yo looked sadly at his outstretched hand. “No hugs and kisses?” “I... er... that is...” Visionary stammered, his nerves completely frayed by this whole ordeal. He was saved by the ringing of the telephone from the other room. “Whoops! I better get that! I’m on monitor duty, after all!!!” he said, fleeing. “That was a somewhat cruel thing to do” Fleabot noted clinically to Yo. “True” Yo said, switching back to a more androgynous form. “But great fun.” sorry |
| It's Visionary's last night here, and all he has are these lousy reposts... (Visionary) (05-Mar-2000 21:13:16) |
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