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Since Ian's reposting stuff... Here's a bunch of my original BZL stories. Warning: they kinda suck. Sunday, 21-Nov-1999 17:08:16
The Return Tuesday, 13-Oct-98 22:25:58 24.64.69.227 writes: It was one of those days where nothing was happening. Nothing at all. Baron Zemo and the LoLO weren't attacking. Japan's invasion was over. Even the zombies were quietly resting in their graves. So, the LoR was entertaining itself in any way it could. Lisa: For a man that's never there, you sure know your cool whip. TMWWT: Mmm... cool whip... FFF: All righty... Methinks I've heard enough. Gotta go terrorize some village... somewhere... time to *flies away*. DK: Huh? Anyways, Jarvis. What was that experiment you were talking about? Jarvis: Well, you know how when one's under extreme mental stress, they go to the Happy Place? DK: Yeah, everyone knows that. What's your point? Jarvis: Well... what happens if something stressful occurs INSIDE the Happy Place? DK: Ah... I never thought of that... is that even possible? The Happy Place has all those bunnies... Jarvis: I have a solution for that. Oh, Lisa? Could you come over here? Lisa: Sure... I like butlers. Cool whip... Jarvis: Yup, that's cool whip all right. And it's on my arm... it's not time for that, now, Lisa... Now, think of a place without sex. Lisa: What? No... no... nononononononono... *curls up in fetal position, chanting "I'm in my happy place, I'm in my happy place..."* DK: What, you mean someone has to go into the Happy Place while she's there? Good luck. No one's THAT dumb... Jarvis: DK, think of a place where you're alone, without all your special gadgets. DK: What... no... no... NONONONONONONONO!!! *also curls up and goes to Happy Place* DK: Well, here I am. And no sign of Lisa. Might as well relax... The Dark Knight lay down on a bed of flowers, and watched the bunnies hop by. It was so relaxing there. He didn't even need those Life Model Decoys that he always seemed to be completely reliant on. Nothing could destroy his serenity. Nothing, but... Lisa: Oooh, there you are, honey. I think it's about time you had the Lisa Experience, don't you? I mean, all of your stand-ins and decoys have already... DK: What? This isn't possible... I don't have an imposter... no decoys... I'm helpless... she's going to... engage in sexual relations with me! Noooo!!!! With that, the first stress ever experienced in the Happy Place occured. The Dark Knight felt a mind-numbing pain shoot through his body, and his head was ripped into a thousand pieces, pierced by red-hot needles. Finally, he lost consciousness. When he finally awoke, he found himself thinking that his nightmare had never ended. He was surrounded by a dark terrain, evil looking trees and fences, lightning, and all sorts of... bad things. And there was one other thing. A... person. The Knight focused his eyes and saw... DK: spiffy?!? Get away from me! I may not have my weapons, but I can still defeat you! spiffy: Pardon? You're... the Dark Knight, right? I think we met briefly. DK: What are you talking about? I warn you, take me back to the Parodyverse, or you'll regret it. I'll foil any evil scheme of yours! spiffy: Uh... Knight? I'm a card-carrying member of the LoR. One of the good guys? DK: Yeah, you tried that once, traitor. Almost worked, too, until you tried to destroy us. One last chance, send me back! spiffy: No, I really don't know what you're talking about. The last thing I remember from the Parodyverse is that battle between us and the LoLO. FFF stepped on me and Lisa, and we were transported here. She was such a nice girl... DK: Wait... I remember that battle... but you two just appeared again right after that! spiffy: That wasn't me. I don't know who it was, but it wasn't me. We were transported to the Happy Place, because... well... that was quite a bit of stress. I knew that we would be needed back in the battle, so I concentrated with all my might to get us back there. The next thing I knew, I was here. And Lisa was gone. Whatever happened to her? DK: She's... well... a sex-driven maniac, mainly. spiffy: What? Things have changed... DK: Where are we, anyways? spiffy: Well, I call it... the Not-So-Happy-Place. I thought it was... fitting. DK: I guess it is... how do we get home? spiffy: That's the problem. But now that you're here, we may have a chance. Come with me. The duo walked for miles and miles, and on the way, the Knight filled spiffy in on what had happened during his absence. spiffy was shocked at the changes. They finally reached their destination. DK: A bubble bath? We have to take a bubble bath? spiffy: Pretty much, yeah. DK: So why didn't you come back a long time ago? spiffy: The thing is, you kinda have to take the bath... with someone. DK: WHAT?? How do you know? spiffy: It says on the sign. *gestures to the sign hanging over the bathtub* DK: Oh. Well... I guess we have no choice. Just... can we not mention this to anyone? Ever? spiffy: Fine by me. I suppose we should get this over with... The two hesitantly entered the tub. Nothing happened. Shrugging, spiffy began playing with the rubber ducky. DK just sighed. They waited. And waited. And waited a little bit more... and suddenly, just like that, they were back at the LoR headquarters. Jarvis: DK! Finally! What took you so... OH MY GOD! spiffy's here, everyone! LoR assemble! Nothing happens. Jarvis: Oh good Lord... they all left! DK and I can defeat you on our own, spiffy! Bring it on, whatever your scheme! spiffy: Man, I really left an impression on you guys... DK: Jarvis, this isn't evil spiffy. This is, well... the real spiffy. He's been trapped in the Not-So-Happy-Place since our first encounter with the LoLO. DK explained to the perplexed butler exactly what was going on, leaving out the bathing ritual. Jarvis: So how exactly did you get home? DK: We... uh... thought... happy... thoughts... that's right... spiffy: Listen to the Knight. We thought happy thoughts. Nothing else happened. Jarvis: Then why didn't you just come back earlier, spiffy? spiffy: It just wouldn't work! No more questions! Jarvis: Okay, geez, sorry... But there is one more thing... who exactly was evil spiffy? spiffy: Um... I don't... kinda.. have any idea. Sorry. Jarvis: We'll discuss this later, I guess... Well, I suppose we should introduce you to everyone else... Epilogue: Lisa: Hello? Anyone? I don't know how to get out of the Happy Place... guys? Help? A relatively tame parody. The LoR were relaxing in their HQ. The world was coming apart at its seams outside, with attacks from the LoLO, Japan, the Destroyer of Happiness, and various other threats. But today was not just any day. Today was... Saturday. And, as everyone knows, Saturday is the day off for heroes. So, they were taking time to help spiffy readjust to the Parodyverse after his long absence. Jarvis: Now... you know all about Lisa's... tastes... right? spiffy: Lisa's what? Uh... I remember she used to eat croissants... Jarvis: No, no... you know what I mean... "tastes"? spiffy: Um... you mean... not croissants? Jarvis: NTU, help me out here. NTU: See... well... spiffy, Lisa... does certain things to... entertain herself... You know? spiffy: You lost me. NTU: Visionary? Visionary: She... uh... well... sprinkles? Coolwhip? You get the picture? spiffy: Not really. Cheryl: Lisa likes to have sex. Lots of it. With lots of partners. spiffy: What??? Lisa? She was always a kind, considerate woman! Are you sure? Visionary: Yup. Space Ghost: Uh huh. NTU: Pretty much. Jarvis: OH yeah. spiffy: Whoa... wonder how that happened... well, at least that's pretty much the most dramatic change that could've taken place... right? Jarvis: Um... well... you remember that evil spiffy guy we were talking about? spiffy: Yes... Jarvis: Well, he kinda... Visionary: Sorta... DK: Well... Cheryl: Went at it with Lisa. She had his son, spiffy jr. That's the kid that was kidnapped a couple days ago. spiffy: And this was a double of me? I'm underaged! Uh... by the way, guys, can we not call him evil spiffy? It makes it seem like I'm the one that's evil, I guess. Space Ghost: So what do we call him? spiffy: I dunno... the Dark, Mysterious Figure? FFF: Oh, that's another thing we forgot to tell you about... Lisa: How about stiffy? LoR: ... spiffy: All righty then... what else happened? There was a moment of silence, then a flurry of comments. You joined the LoLO! NTU died, then came back to life! Banjooo went off to space! Jarvis lost his powers! Starseed's dead! Space Ghost killed him! You wore a fern! spiffy: Ahhhh!!! Nooo!! Too many changes! Must leave!!!! With that, spiffy ran screaming out of the room. The remaining heroes sat in uncomfortable silence. Jarvis: Well, that went pretty well... FFF: Yeah, whatever... we should probably go after him. So, the LoR split up to find spiffy. After a while, Space Ghost found him. Space Ghost: spiffy! There you are! Listen, we didn't mean to overwhelm you, it's just that a lot of stuff's been going on... wait a second... you weren't wearing a fern a minute ago... spiffy: Wasn't I? Well... I must have forgotten it in my room... that's right... I went to my room to get my fern.. you'll have to excuse me now. Space Ghost: Wait, we want to talk to you... nuts, he's gone. Next time, I should run after him, then talk. So, they continued looking for him. Eventually, Cheryl found him in a dark corner. Cheryl: spiffy, there you are! You shouldn't have run away from Space Ghost like that. We just want to help you readjust. spiffy looked up at her, confused. spiffy: What? I didn't see Space Ghost. I've been curled up here the whole time, trying to get into the Happy Place. But for some reason, I can't. Cheryl: But... he talked to you... oooh, that lousy Ghost. He must be drunk again. Let's take you back to the rest of the gang, and we can talk some more. So, the LoR managed to fill spiffy in on what had happened without many more similar incidents. Hey, it’s Bubba! Or… the coming of Anti-spiffy By spiffy (this takes place during Visionary’s “League of Irregulars”) spiffy, tyrannical despot of France, was in a foul mood. "The trouble with ruling France" he said to no-one in particular, "Is that it’s full of French people." He paced back and forth across his Louis XIV carpet. "The lousy snail-eaters bowed down for any dictator who happened to be passing through for the last century, and yet *now* they fight for their freedom?" He let out a few choice curses. "Did they drive Hitler out? Nooooooooooo! But let spiffy take over, and suddenly the country sprouts a backbone!" "It’s this new leader, sir." His chambermaid said. "The people say he’s the Patron Saint of France, come to liberate his people! They would follow him anywhere!" A palace guard burst into the royal quarters. "My liege! The people are at the gates! They have come behind their new leader! They are demanding for your head!" spiffy took a quick look out the front window. The people were erecting a barricade across the streets from the palace. Well, that wasn’t a huge concern. After all, spiffy possessed the stolen JarvisCosmic. No man was his equal. Atop the hastily constructed wall a lone figure stood waving a blue white and red flag. spiffy’s eyes narrowed as he tried to make out the features of the man. "Oh, crap!" he said. The man was… spiffy. Looking closer, spiffy realized that it was obviously a hastily-made duplicate, for it had no fern. But, that wasn’t really his problem right then. The people of France were coming towards him. With torches. spiffy despised torches. At any rate, this rebellion should be easily quelled. Gathering the JarvisCosmic around him, he fired a particularly nasty bolt at his twin. Nothing happened. Puzzled, spiffy tried again, to the same result. Again and again he hailed the imposter with his fury, to no end. A half-hour later… Visionary had been retrieved from the floor of the interrogation room, and he and NTU were going over Lisa’s rolodex. "Have you managed to contact Yo?" he asked NTU, who was trying to reach the other posters by phone. "Hmmm? Oh, yes." NTU answered. "It seems he managed to defeat his British double. He’s on his way here now." "That’s good." Visionary said. "I was sort of creeped-out by that British one. Those ‘Jolly Goods’ got tedious real quick.. Has anyone else checked in?" "I got ahold of Space Ghost." replied NTU. "It seems he and his double were bonding. He may have been drunk, it was hard to tell. He said he’d try to join up with us later, though." "Great, we need all the help we can get." Visionary said honestly. He knew SG would be a valuable member of their team, even if he wasn’t too sure about the value of SG’s ‘spank ray’. NTU dialed an extremely long phone number and pressed the ‘speaker phone’ button. "Hello, spiffy?" he said, raising his voice. "spiffy are you there?" "AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" screamed spiffy. "The French are revolting!" "Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard that joke, spif..." NTU said, rolling his eyes. "We got us a situation here." "They’ve got torches!" spiffy screamed. "They’re burning my drapes! God help me!" "Sure, spiffy..." Visionary said sarcastically. "When you’re through fooling around, meet us here at Zemo’s place." He hit the ‘disconnect’ button. spiffy disconnected the communications line hurriedly. It was obvious that the fools in the LoR wouldn’t come to his aid. But the drapes… his beautiful drapes… something had to be done. He’d been frustrated in his continuous attempts to destroy the rebellion’s leader, so another method must be employed. “Mackenzie! I need the army, right away!” “I am zorry, Zire, but you deestroyed zee armee when you took ovair France… I mean… speeffyland,” the servant replied. “Yes, yes… probably shouldn’t have done that…” spiffy recalled, vaporising Mackenzie on a whim, “Now, what to do about the murderers of drapes…?” Suddenly, spiffy whirled around to stare at Mackenzie’s smouldering remains. How could he be so stupid? If the leader couldn’t be destroyed, simply destroy the army. Giggling with glee, spiffy waved his hand and the first wave of attackers were annihilated and the flaming drapes were destroyed. Seeing the fate of their comrades, the French decided that spiffy wasn’t in the mood for an attack, so they left. Content, spiffy leaned on his window… only to see his duplicate still waving that accursed flag. “What…? Why can I have no peace? You there, what is your business?” “… I want to know where I am,” the man replied. “Oh, for the love of… You’re in France! Why the hell are you attacking me?” “The citizens said that you had taken over this country. I thought that that was unjust, so I attacked. I admit that I may have been a bit hasty, but it seemed to be the best thing to do at the time…” “All right… so… why can’t I destroy you?” “No idea. Jarvis stole my powers, so I should have no defence.” “Jarvis did that? Wait… what powers?” “My spiffyCosmic.” “Oh… he must have some kind of immunity,” spiffy muttered to himself, “Well, stranger, I have no need of you here. I’ll send you to a… friend. Heh heh heh…” With that, the duplicate spiffy vanished. Months later, at spiffy’s mansion “Bloody beavers getoffofme!!!” spiffy cried, to no avail. The beavers were at it again. Ever since spiffy’d moved into his new mansion, the beavers had been making a nuisance of themselves. At every opportunity, they would mob spiffy for no apparent reason. He was starting to get fed up. “Getoffgetoffgetoff!” And, to his surprise, they did. The mob dispersed to all corners of the house, leaving only the hard hat-wearing head beaver. The beavers gave him a dirty look, spat on the floor, and stumbled off. “Ugh… Robbie? He spat on the floor again. Could you clean it up?” “Yes, master,” the robot replied, “Would you like me to answer the door first, sir?” “The door?” spiffy muttered. In the chaos, he’d missed the chimes. “Uh… yes, please, Robbie.” “Very good, sir.” Robbie opened the door and spiffy froze. Looking back at him was an exact duplicate of himself! “Terribly sorry, sir, that was the mirror room. I’ll get the door.” spiffy gave a sigh of relief. Clones were annoying. Robbie opened the door, and spiffy inhaled quickly. Looking back at him was an exact duplicate of himself! “This is the real door, sir. Not my fault,” With that, Robbie went off to clean up the spit. “What… no… the… hey?” spiffy stammered eloquently. “Oh, hello there. You must be the spiffy of this universe. May I come in?” the man at the door inquired. “What… uh… yeah… in… come… wha?” “Thank you kindly. I should probably explain myself. You do remember the invasion of the League of Irregulars some time back, I suppose?” “The League of who? Oh… must’ve been while I was gone,” spiffy made a mental note to make sure that the LL had told him everything that he’d missed, “What’s that?” “A group from an alternate universe that is the exact opposite of your universe. My name is Bubba. I believe I may be your duplicate… are you evil?” “Group from… universe… duplicate… what… oh… uh, no, not evil. Good, I guess.” “That’s odd…” “But there was an evil spiffy!” “Oh, that must be it. And your duplicate would’ve been my evil spiffy. Splendid.” “All right… so you’re powerless like me?” “Ah… no… not at all. I have the spiffyCosmic. Don’t you?” “No… I’m powerless… but evil spiffy was cosmically powerful, that makes no sense. Was your evil spiffy cosmically powerful?” “Yes, he was. But I wouldn’t try to figure it out. It would just give you a headache.” “Yeah… did he have a fern?” “Never mind that. Now, I assume that you have some kind of heroic group here… perhaps the League of Regulars?” “Yeah… but it’s the Lair Legion now. Um… why?” “Well, I’d like to join, of course! Why else?” Bubba Joins the Lair Legion by spiffy Another day at the Lair Legion HQ. Banjooooo was visiting, leaving his undersea kingdom in the hands of his advisors. Visionary and Cheryl were there, because Visionary was on monitor duty again. The whole Lair Legion were there, though Lisa and Jarvis were nowhere to be seen. The whole Lair Legion, that is, except spiffy. He was off at his mansion. “So where’s spiffy?” Banjooooo asked, “I have to talk to him.” “He’s still at home,” Visionary replied, “Said something about beavers.” “Beavers good, not good so bunnies is when happy,” Yo stated. “Ooookay… so when did he say he’d be here?” Banjooooo inquired. “He didn’t. He doesn’t live here anymore, so it could be whenever. He might not be here for days… hold on, doorbell,” Visionary went to get the door to find… an exact duplicate of himself! “AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Evil clone!! Get it!” “That’s the mirror room, dear,” Cheryl told him calmly. “Oh, heh heh… I’ll get the door,” Vis blushed. He opened the door to find spiffy. “Hey, everyone,” spiffy said. “It’s only spiffy. Where’s that pizza?” Vis sighed. “All righty… it’s nice to be appreciated… hey, NTU,” spiffy said, walking towards the kitchen. “Hi, spiffy…” NTU said distractedly, as he worked on his newest miniature bus. “Hello there, my good fellow,” said someone else. NTU looked up to see spiffy. “I said hi to you already, spiffy. Go away,” NTU replied rather scathingly. “Terribly sorry. But you see, I’m not spiffy. I’m Bubba.” “Yeah, whatever… I’m trying to work here. Someone make spiffy leave me alone!” “What?” spiffy asked, coming out of the kitchen. NTU looked at him, then looked back at Bubba. His face quickly twisted up, trying to comprehend what was going on. “Oh, that’s Bubba,” spiffy said, “My twin from the Irregular universe. Well, he’s probably not my twin, ‘cause neither of us is evil, but he’s probably not evil spiffy’s twin either, ‘cause they’re both cosmically powerful. I think he’s the twin of some brick. I’m pretty much the opposite of a brick, right?” There was silence. “Right?” spiffy asked plaintively. “So…he.. from other place… twin… male or female?” NTU asked. “Actually, my good chap, where I come from, there are no genders,” Bubba replied. “AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!” NTU clutched his head and started running around in circles, eventually ramming into a wall and knocking himself unconscious. “It was a joke… I’m really a guy,” Bubba explained, “… Really. I am.” “Yeah, whatever,” spiffy said, cramming a sandwich into his mouth, “Anyways… I should probably get you into the Lair Legion now… who’s the leader right now anyway?” “Probably Jarvis. It’s always him,” Visionary said. “Yeah, I guess… where is he?” “In his room, but I wouldn’t… wait, no… Lisa’s…” Visionary stuttered. “We’ve all seen it before. Jarvis! Gotta talk to you!” spiffy yelled. spiffy barged into the room to find Lisa and Jarvis doing… paperwork. The assembled Lair Legion gave them confused looks. “What?” Lisa asked, “We can’t have sex all the time… wait… why’re there two spiffys?” “Allow me to introduce myself. I am Bubba. And you, my dear, are beautiful,” Bubba took Lisa’s hand and kissed it gently. “I like him,” she said. “Now, Mr… Jarvis, was it? I understand that you are the leader of this fine group. I am here to request membership, for the duration of my stay in this universe.” Jarvis had turned several shades of red during Bubba’s exchange with Lisa. “No. NO! Absolutely not! Get out!” Jarvis screamed. “I’m sorry, sir, have I done something to offend you?” Bubba inquired. “Yes, you have!! Get out of my building!!!” “But Jarvikins,” Lisa pouted, “I like him. Can’t we keep him?” “Yeah, Jarvis,” spiffy added, “He seems all right.” The air filled with voices pleading for Bubba’s acceptance into the Legion. “No!” Jarvis cried, “He wouldn’t add anything to the team!” “But…” spiffy began. “Everybody, Zemo’s attacking!” Visionary yelled from the surveillance room. They all rushed to the screen and saw Zemo, with the assembled SBZL. Not only that, but he was carrying a menacing gun, a really big gun. The LL gave a collective gasp. Only Bubba seemed calm. “Is he a problem to you?” Bubba inquired, “Just give me a moment.” Bubba looked at Zemo’s figure on the viewscreen and suddenly his gun turned into an otter. The otter slapped the perplexed Zemo and crawled off. “Now… I see that this ‘Zemo’ lives… here.” Zemo and the SBZL vanished. “Where did you send them?” spiffy asked. “To their headquarters. I got it out of your thoughts,” Bubba replied. “See, Jarvis? He has plenty of powers? We could really use a new powerful guy, since you don’t have the JarvisCosmic anymore.” Jarvis looked around at the pleading faces in stony silence. Finally, he said… “All right. He’s in.” With that, he stomped off. Lisa looked very pleased. “You’re not underage too, are you?” A new threat… kind of. by spiffy The Lair Legion was gathered in their headquarters. But something was different. The monitor room was empty. The defenses were off. The Lair Legion was… lounging around in the recreation room. Banjooooo: Harglargle… spiffy: What? Banjooooo: Dunno. spiffy: Good. FFF: So… should we be doing anything? Lisa: We could… FFF: Never mind. Donar: Verily, ‘tis National Geographic on yonder viewscreen. Methinks it is our sacred duty to observe such a wonderful program. spiffy: Hm… whatever… I’m gonna take another nap. Banjooooo: Harglargle… spiffy: What? Banjooooo: Dunno. spiffy: Good. Lisa: Hey, Bubba, how’s it going? Need to… relax… yet? Bubba: No, my dear, I’m doing just fine. There haven’t been any attacks recently. Lisa: All right, hun. Just let me know when you need a… break. Hours later Zemo: At last, the ultimate weapon… this flea-sized robot can infiltrate the Lair Legion headquarters with ease… and then spread its terrifying chaos among those despicable heroes! Ahahahahahahaha!!!! Fleabot: Sir? May I go now? Zemo: Yes, my creation. Go… and destroy! Fleabot: Must I? I would so enjoy some nice conversation… Zemo: Just do it! Fleabot: All right… Banjooooo: Harglargle… spiffy: Wha- FFF: Shut up! spiffy: Sorry… Banjooooo: Harglargle… Bubba: Everyone, we’re under attack again. It’s a chaos-spreading fleabot. I’ll just destroy it… wait… this one seems intelligent. Hello there? Fleabot: What… oh, hello. You are the ones I’m supposed to destroy? Bubba: Yeah, probably… Fleabot: Well, I suppose I should get on with it… Bubba: Wouldn’t you much rather just talk about life, though? Fleabot: As a matter of fact, I would! Does this mean I don’t have to destroy you? Bubba: It does. In fact, you can stick around here! Zemo: What’s taking so long… hell with it, let’s bombard the place! Flunkie: Yessir. They bombard the place. Zemo: What the… since when do they have a forcefield? Bubba: Oh, by the way, I took the liberty of erecting a forcefield to protect us. Lisa: Erecting… excellent… Bubba: Er… yes… Zemo: Guess I’ll have to figure something else out. Let’s go. Flunkie: Yessir. Lisa: So… Bubba… you have a sexy name. Bubba: Thank you. Now, Lisa, my dear, I was wondering… would you care to accompany me to dinner tonight? Lisa: You mean sex? Bubba: No… dinner. Lisa:… sex? Bubba: Dinner. Lisa: Ohhhhhh, dinner… sorry, it’s been a long time… actually, I’d love to! Bubba: That’s excellent. I’ll make the arrangements. And Jarvis looked on in anger… Bubba and Lisa… by spiffy spiffy: Man, I can’t believe you asked Lisa out… she’s Jarvis’ girl. Bubba: I didn’t think that they were even going out… spiffy: Well… they aren’t. But they share a room. And… do… things… often. Bubba: Yes, so I’ve heard. spiffy: You’re not gonna… y’know… are you? Aren’t you underage too? Bubba: No, no, I would never sully a women’s good name, especially one as lovely as Lisa. And I’m actually 20. spiffy: But… I’m 15… opposite of 15 would be… uh… either 51 or 1/15… Bubba: I think we’ve already established that I’m not your duplicate. spiffy: Anyway… your tie is crooked. There you go. Nervous? Bubba: Not especially. With such a charming girl as Lisa, what could I have but an enjoyable evening? Cheryl: So, you gonna do him right away, or eat first? Lisa: Cheryl! I’m shocked! I’m not that kind of girl! Cheryl: You’re exactly that kind of girl. Lisa: Yeah, well… Bubba’s different. He’s romantic, charming… I don’t even have to have sex with him to get his attention. He makes me feel like… well… Cheryl: No way! Lisa: A person! Cheryl: Whoa… you really like him. But what about Jarvis? Lisa: I dunno… he was fun… but I mean, Bubba… he’s smart, attractive, and cosmically powered! What more could a girl want? Cheryl: I know what you mean. If I wasn’t married… Lisa: Back off, he’s mine. Cheryl: Guess you haven’t changed that much… Fleabot: So you see, Mr. NTU-150, if you stop putting dynamite in your inventions, they’ll probably stop blowing up. NTU: No dynamite? That’s like… against some code… Fleabot: Try it out, anyway. Now, Visionary, have you decided what your move will be? Visionary: What do pawns do again? Fleabot: Sigh… oh, hello Bubba! You’re looking handsome. Ready for your date? Bubba: Yes indeed. We’re going to Chez Philippe tonight. Fleabot: Isn’t that place hideously expensive? Bubba: I’m on good terms with the owner. He gives us dinner on the house. Fleabot: Impressive, my friend. Visionary: How do pawns move? NTU: Hey, someone’s at the doo… whoa. Lisa. You look… stunning… Bubba: My, that’s a lovely dress, my dear. It suits you perfectly. Lisa: Thank you. And you’re very handsome yourself. Shall we be off? Bubba: An excellent idea. Goodbye, everyone! Visionary: Hey, cool! There’re horses here! Do they move? Fleabot: We’ve gone over this already… Bubba: So, dearest Lisa, are you enjoying your dessert? Lisa: Exquisite, Bubba. But I think we’ve done plenty of eating. Let’s dance. And dance they did. For hours on end. Slow dances, fast dances, any dances they could think of. When finally they stopped, they were both out of breath. Lisa: You’re the best dancer I’ve ever met. Bubba: How could I not dance well, when I’m with you? Lisa: You are so sweet. Jarvis never said those kind of things. Bubba: Well, it is getting late. We should probably getting back. Lisa: It’s not that.. yawn… late… Bubba: Let’s be going, Lisa. Lisa: That was a lovely evening, Bubba. Thank you. Bubba: No, thank you for making it so wonderful. Goodnight. Lisa: One last thing… They paused, looking at each other. Slowly they moved together, their lips meeting. Neither of them noticed Jarvis peering around the corner, with a decidedly unhappy expression… Bubba/Jarvis by spiffy Cheryl: So, Lisa, how’d it go? Lisa: Great. Just… great. Cheryl: I didn’t notice you two around last night… did you…? Lisa: No! I told you, it was just a date! A great date… Cheryl: All right, sorry… Lisa: But I really can’t decide between him and Jarvis… I mean, they’re both great. Cheryl: Can’t help you there. Fleabot: For God’s sakes, Visionary, we’ve been at this all night! You have to move something! Visionary: Just gimme a sec… what’s this castle one do again? Fleabot: Why…? NTU: Hey, Fleabot, you’re a genius? Fleabot: Yes. NTU: That no dynamite thing? It worked! My newest invention hasn’t been destroyed yet! Fleabot: Congratulations… NTU: Yeah, thanks! … Hey, Jarvis, you look terrible. What’s wrong with you? Jarvis: Where’s Bubba? NTU: I haven’t seen him since he and Lisa- Jarvis: Where’s Bubba?? NTU: Probably in the guest room, but- Jarvis: Good. NTU: Oh, I don’t like this… Vis, Space Ghost, Banjooooo, spiffy, we’d better go see what he’s doing… Jarvis: Bubba! Open up! Bubba: Hm? Jarvis? What’s the matter? Jarvis: You know! What the hell do you think you’re doing? Coming here, stealing my girl, showing everyone how good you are? You think you’re better than me or something? Bubba: No, I- Lisa: Your girl? Jarvis: Oh, Lisa, I didn’t see you there… why don’t you go to the rec room, me and Bubba have some talking to do. Lisa: Jarvis, listen carefully. I am not “your girl”. It’s my decision here. And the way you’re acting, I don’t know what I ever saw in you. Bubba, I’ll be downstairs. Jarvis: See? See what you’ve done? I want you out of here, off my team, this instant! Bubba: But Jarvis- Jarvis: Now! Visionary: What? Jarvis: Oh, God… leave me alone, all of you! This is between me and Bubba! spiffy: Jarvis, listen to yourself. This is just jealousy, Bubba’s a great help to the team! Space Ghost: He’s right! There’s no reason for him to go! Visionary: He’s a great guy… Banjooooo: I don’t care if you’re the leader, this is a bad call! Jarvis: Oh, this is perfect. All of you are against me? Well- Bubba: Wait. This is really cliched, but I’m just going to leave. I can’t be the cause of this team splitting up. Just… just tell Lisa… never mind. With that, Bubba vanished. Jarvis: Finally… now, Lisa, I’m really sorry… Lisa: Forget it. We’re through. And Bubba went on to battle Messenger, Jarvis... probably other people... and hasn't been seen in a while. But don't use him. He's busy. This stuff was followed by Evil spiffy, Detective Agency, Christmas in the Parodyverse, and the Abandoned Legion which chronicled my death. Everything since then is pretty recent. spiffy |
| Since Ian's reposting stuff... Here's a bunch of my original BZL stories. Warning: they kinda suck. (spiffy) (21-Nov-1999 17:08:16) |
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