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Repost: Fight Night in Parodiopolis, part one Friday, 05-Nov-1999 12:20:47
"Donar, Donar, he's our man! If he can't do it, no one can!" Space Ghost leaned back and admired the way Lisa's…um, assets moved when she cheered. Even if it wasn't in slow motion like on that 'Baywatch' show, it was an interesting scene nonetheless. The BZL'ers had premo seats at Fight Night, thanks to their PR director. She had set up a boxing match for charity. Unfortunately, while she was at it, she decided that a member of the BZL should participate to get the Lair Legion some positive press for once. However, nobody at the table seemed to care. Donar had been selected to fight in the 'Rebuild the Parodiopolis Orphanage Fund' match up, and with his gallantry, he was more than happy to participate. So that no one, well, nobody important that is, would miss out on the excitement of the evening, Visionary had been given the choice between monitor duty and being Donar's trainer. He eagerly accepted the position of trainer. Visionary poked his head out of a curtain and looked around wildly. Seeing Troia pass by with drinks (the graceful amazon had volunteered to help out in a domestic capacity today), he called out to her "Pssst. Troia. Have you seen Cheryl?" "Yes, she's with the head of RPOF, trying to smooth things over for, you know, you guys smashing the orphanage in the first place." "Um. Okay. Thanks." Visionary went over to the table, and gently interrupted his wife. "Um, dear. I think we have a problem." "I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings" said Fleabot as the Herculean god was retching so hard that Asil figured he must be trying to turn himself inside out. "I told him they were hot" Visionary stated defensively. Cheryl sent a level stare in the direction of her husband. "Where exactly did you get these Buffalo Wings?" "Right around the corner…" Visionary answered timidly. "Out of the trunk of some guy's car." They all stopped to stare at him. "What? He was close!" "And it never occurred to you that it might not be the most sanitary conditions?" "Hey… tailgating is a noble sports tradition!!! Besides…" her husband sniffed. "He's a god… He should be able to handle a little salmonella. Punching all that raw beef didn't hurt him none." Cheryl sighed and rubbed her temples. "Well, he's obviously in no condition to fight now… we'll have to find a replacement." "I…SAY… THEE… NAY!!!!" Donar cried, or at least he would have if he hadn't spewed up another dose of undercooked chicken. After wiping his mouth he continued. "This warrior born hast never backed out of such a challenge. T'would be admitting defeat! Verily, despite mine heaving gullet, I shall kneel before no man or god!!!" Fleabot shook his head as this latest declaration sent Donar hugging the toilet again. "Well, none except the porcelain one." "Donar's resting comfortably… except for the paralyzing intestinal cramps, that is." Visionary reported. "Enty is pretty sure he'll be fine after having his stomach pumped… which reminds me, he needs a garden hose, the fuel pump from a '57 chevy, and a Wet-Vac." "Eew" Troia noted. "Um… yes." Cheryl agreed. "In any event, we'll have a lot of disappointed orphans if somebody doesn't go out there and get smacked around a little." She looked around the gathered Legionnaires. "Any takers? You get a nice silk pair of boxer shorts out of this…" "Actually… Donar kind of… well…" Visionary began timidly, then leaned over next to Troia to whisper in his wife's ear. "Eew" Troia noted again. Cheryl sighed. "Well… I'm sure we can get them dry cleaned or something. So… who feels like a fight this evening? Anyone particularly surly?" "What about Starseed?" Finny suggested. "His GAAAHHHH! Power should be of some use." Cheryl shook her head. "Fisticuffs only. How about you? Do dragons box?" He tapped his scaly chin thoughtfully. "I don't know… do I get to eat the other guy if I win?" "I'm pretty sure that wouldn't help our reputation." "Then they don't." He decided. "Hey, how about Space Ghost?" "Are you nuts?" Troia asked. "He's hit the champagne a bit too hard... I don't think you have much of a fight if one participant is already unconscious. Cheryl crossed her arms. "Look… you're the people who trashed the orphanage to begin with… , we are *not* going to cancel this fight. The proceeds have already been spent hiring the contractors to rebuild the place. Now, I don't really give a damn who goes out there and gets their face pounded in… I just need a warm body!!!" They all exchanged guilty glances. Luckily, the door opened before anyone's conscious could fully kick in. "Hey folks, sorry I'm late. Man, traffic was a bitch. I… uh… um…" spiffy looked at all their grinning faces. "What?" "Me?" spiffy cried in wide-eyed disbelief. "Why me?" "Hmmmm…" Cheryl whispered in Lisa's ear. "We may need to butter him up." Lisa nodded and licked her lips. "Um…" Cheryl amended. "I was speaking figuratively" Lisa feigned her best "I wouldn't dream of it" look. "Don't worry about it!" Visionary said cheerfully. "There's a whole twenty minutes to get ready… Hey, if you need a trainer, I'm available!" The muffled sounds of retching could be heard through the locker room door, followed by the question "Art thou sure that tube dost go there?" "Uh… thanks Vizh… but, ah…" spiffy looked around in panic. "Wouldn't somebody else be more qualified? To box, I mean?" Cheryl put her arm around the young legionnaire's shoulders. "Perhaps… but think of the children. They love you… no, they *adore* you. Do it for every helpless young child that was ever terrorized by beavers. Do it for every boy that was ever mocked for occasionally turning into a little girl. Mostly, do it for every little fern-wearer that doesn't think they can amount to anything!" spiffy wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. "Well… I still think…" Cheryl moved her lips next to his ear. "Do it for all the dates you'll be able to get after the fight… Women just *love* macho, boxer types." "Really?!" "Sure" "Alright, count me in! Who am I fighting, anyway?" Cheryl coughed delicately and looked at her husband. "Well, uh… you see…" Visionary began quickly. "Since it was for the orphanage and all… he really wanted to make amends, and he *was* going up against Donar…" spiffy's eyes narrowed. "Yeah…? Wait-a-minute!!! You don't mean……?" Everyone suddenly found the ceiling to be terribly interesting as they avoided his gaze. "… the Yurt?" he concluded in a small voice. Lisa patted the ferned-wonder on the back. "Ah, don't worry about it… He's not so tough." She chewed on her lip nervously. "Just, ah… try not to make him angry. Oh… and keep your guard up… let him work the body instead of the head. After all, we can always get you some new kidneys…" To be concluded by spiffy… C'mon... somebody has to have spiffy's kick-ass conclusion... Cheryl's half of the tag team with spiffy |
| Repost: Fight Night in Parodiopolis, part one (Cheryl's half of the tag team with spiffy ) (05-Nov-1999 12:20:47) |
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