Baron Zemo's Lair. - Chapter One

Baron Zemo's Lair

Chapter One
Sunday, 04-Jul-1999 15:18:11
24.64.71.35 writes:

Chapter One- HV

Rain.

Dreary, cloud filled skies. Layers of suffocating blackness encircling and suffocating its prey which walk the streets of United North America. It is 2014. The country lays in shambles, its people caught in the grip of hysteria. The lightning dances across the sky, but in anguish, as if it flees a most sinister foe.

And all about, it rains. What a pleasant setting for our story...

Hal Vanderbilt shifted uneasily in his leather bound chair. The rain assaulted Vanderbilt Towers with a renewed ferocity, as if it replenished itself with fear and despair, leeching this energy from the people below. It has been raining for 7 years now. The sun has not risen in 4. And yet the streets never flooded, and the plant life never died. Hey, it's the Parodyverse, just trust me on this one.

Hal's youthful face had begun to crease with age. He was without a care in the world. After all, what problems did a multi-billionaire possess? The CEO of the global spanning Parody Comic Emporium, and a retired and respected super-hero as Hollywood V, not to mention the world's most eligible bachelor. He IS scribing this instalment of the story after all...

The Diabolical Dr. Moo rapped on the set of imposing Byzantine stylized cedar doors which ushered one into HV's office. Wonders of the ancient world lined the walls, Phoenician tapestries, and sarcophogi, Greek sculpture sat elevated above the eye on massive and equally impressive pedestals, and masterpieces of the Renaissance hung from the domed ceiling, suspended in the air as if by magic.

HV sat transfixed at his gallery window, and sat back in his chair, "So much hope, so little time." HV spun around to face Moo, "Bad news, I take it..."

Moo nodded, "The...subject outlived his usefulness. I've learned everything I can, but without any appreciable super-powers, it would only waste our resources to continue experimentation." Moo glanced down nervously at her coat pocket, retrieved a newspaper and threw it on HV's desk. "I think you better look at this, though, HV.” HV leaned forward to read the headline. "Oh-

-Shit!" Jarvis cursed, hurling himself from the path of a red toqued driver of a snowmobile. "Damn Canadians! Where'd you learn how to drive?!"

Lisa grabbed Jarvis by the collar and hefted him into the air. "Canada, apparently."

Jarvis grimaced as he stared at his rain soaked slicker. He instinctively brushed the dirt from his jacket before realizing that it was still raining and he looked like a moron. Not to insult him, but the world had not been kind to him ever since "the election".

Jarvis had sought political office waaaay back in 2002, and had won! Hulk Hogan sat in the White House as President, and Jarvis his VP. The country had entered a Renaissance, Jarvis had been praised as a genius (though it had been rumoured that Lisa was pulling his strings). But then..."it" happened.

Jarvis was never the same afterwards.

"Hardy-har-har-har! The woman is given Super-strength by a blood transfusion with her cousin and thinks she's the She-Hulk of comedy for gawd's sake!"

Lisa frowned and shook her head, "Well ever since spiffy's disappearance, we've had less and less to laugh about, Jarvykins. Why, I can't even afford a bottle of Cool Whip anymore!"

Jarvis and Lisa had been on the run every since "it" had happened (is it bothering you yet that I only say "it"?). Jarvis could never show his face in public again, and Lisa chose to flee with him. They lived off what they could find and what work they could get. Jarvis was too proud (or insane possibly) to ask for charity from their former Lair Legionnaire friends. If only "it" could have been avoided.

Something caught the corner of Jarvis' eye. He grabbed a crumpled newspaper from a waste basket and perused an article. "Hm, that's strange. Seems spiffy's plant pot was found in Vanderbilt Towers.
'When questioned about the pot, the Diabolical Dr. Moo cryptically stated that, 'We at the evil laboratories of PCE have nothing to do with the mysterious capture and subsequent experimentation and death of spiffy.'" Jarvis let out a sigh of relief. "That's a relief!"

Jarvis tossed the paper behind himself, and continued to walk on, humming joyfully. Lisa paused for a moment and stared intently at the soggy paper. She couldn't put her finger on it, but SOMETHING was out of sorts (yes, I do realize that it is painfully obvious, but that would ruin the run of twisting the story on its ear later).

Hal Vanderbilt watched the monitor as Lisa disappeared from view. This was a problem he had not accounted for. Nonetheless, he was ALWAYS up for a challenge...

Something WAS out of sorts. Fin Fang Foom had already asked this question of Banjooooo, but he suspected treachery of his companion. He would find out once and for all. FFF peered intensely at the cards in his hand. "Alright Banjooooo, do you have...any...4s?"

Banjooooo snarled in anger, "Dammit! I lose again!"

FFF released a hearty laugh, his voice rumbling through his chest cavity, "Serves you right. I asked you if you had any 4s last turn you filthy liar!"

Banjooooo ignored FFF. "Damn limbo! I was perfectly happy in seclusion, so just how did I did end up here with you?!"

FFF frowned. "I don't know, Hollywood V is writing the damn story. He's thinking of linking us to the controlling and subsequent corruption of the Shaper of Worlds by Those Who Sit Above in Shadow.
Apparently he placed us here for some unknown reason." FFF grinned viciously, "Personally, I think he felt threatened by my devilishly good looks."

"Since this is limbo," Banjooooo started, "I'll just chock that up to self induced delusion."

"What was that?"

"Never mind."

"Oh yeah," FFF began to mutter under his breath, "I've been driven mad by your persistent babbling about how much you miss spiffy."

"I HEARD that!"

As Banjooooo raised his fist in anger, a rift opened up between the two comrades, a slice in the fabric of limbo, ripping open to permit them passage.

"But passage to where?"

"Dammit Finny, he's the narrator of the story! You're not supposed to respond!"

"Oops." FFF peered through the opening. It was the Parodyverse alright, he could see the strip mall which had been built over the razed Scourge of Motels.

Banjooooo peered curiously into the gaping chasm whiched had formed in front of his very eyes. "So...just how did this happen, and who did it?"

FFF sighed, "I think this is another dangling plot thread that HV is letting someone else tie up. Seems king of lazy to m..."

Suddenly, FFF was struck by a bolt of lightning.

Sparks poured out of Moo's laboratory as she flooded the body on the table with electricity. A finger moved, then a leg, and suddenly the entire body jolted and convulsed, ripping it's shackles from their hinges. The android which had just been reborn looked warily at his surroundings. This was not the world he remembered.

Moo stepped anxiously toward the mechanical man, a clipboard reading 'Jarvis Protocol' clutched in her hand. "Hello, Visionary. On behalf of the Lair Legion, welcome back." Moo smirked, a hidden malevolence lying within her grin. "You probably have a lot of questions. I'm not surprised, you were badly damaged by Lisa and Jarvis' attack. But where is my head? Your memory was damaged, so let me fill you in on what's happened..."

Evil spiffy paced the streets, his face stricken by madness and the presence of pure EVIL, driven mad by the Jarvis Cosmic, a side effect of the colossal power his visage contained.

Evil spiffy was down on luck though. He could make some money for himself, surely he could. But there was no fun, no adventure, no joy for him in that.

Evil spiffy was bored with life. What was there left to do when you had such power?

Evil spiffy stopped and stared at the poster which was stapled to the wall. It read 'The End is Nigh!' in bold, blood red letters.

Evil spiffy smiled. He had found his adventure.

Zemo was depressed. What had happened to his life of evil? How was it that he was saddled with such an arduous task? Protector of a broken nation? Bah, hardly a mission worthy of the Masked Monarch.

But he had their trust, yes, he had that much. He had the perfect plan. The Canadian revolt would be the perfect ruse. All the while he would consolidate his power and, when the time was right, he would strike. No one could stop him, not even...

Hal Vanderbilt hung his head in, shame was it? Or was he merely tired, exhausted, parched, and hungry? The world around him was falling to pieces. Zemo, Evil spiffy, Lisa, Jarvis, and now his security grid had scanned FFF and Banjoo? Carrington was out there, somewhere. Donar and NTU as well, though he could not say where with any certainty (I'm guessing Enty wants to showcase himself anyway).

He had a plan, of course, he always had a plan, but could he enact it before one of is former comrades did something foolish? What if Zemo attacked before he was ready? Or if Lisa and Jarvis discovered his plan? Evil spiffy was even a more frightening prospect!

HV delved into a file cabinet and produced a weathered copy of his 1980s comic book classic, "The Clockmen."

HV grinned. The solution was simple...

by Hollywood V