Baron Zemo's Lair. - Chapter Six

Baron Zemo's Lair

Chapter Six
Sunday, 04-Jul-1999 15:21:14
24.64.71.35 writes:

Chapter six- Dr. Moo
RETURN TO THE PARODYVERSE: PART ONE OF DAIO'S CONTRIBUTION*

*After Lisa whined, complained and acted generally infantile, Daio agreed to cover Lisa's
talentless ass and write Lisa's portion of the RR. Lisa is eternally grateful to her beloved sister, as you too will be when you read Daio's hilarious prose.*

Unless you are bulletproof like Donar, staring down the muzzle of a gun is always an uncomfortable sensation. While Jarvis wasn't particularly afraid of dying, he was afraid of failing... again. At least he wasn't totally defenseless. Summoning the fragment of JarvisCosmic he'd recovered, he lashed out at the gun. It shimmered and turned into a large slimy very dead halibut. This startled everyone, especially Jarvis.

"Get him," Zemo recovered first and screamed, this being the most reasonable, logical and clich*d thing he could do at the moment.

Zemo's men jumped on the former gentlemen's gentleman. Jarvis used his JarvisCosmic power again, and the thugs turned into tiny bemused puggles.

That definitely was not what I had in mind, Jarvis thought as he scrambled backwards, panting. His JarvicCosmic power had never done this sort of thing before. And it was taking a lot out of him too.

Zemo has jumping up and down enraged. "Stoppen Sie ihn! Stoppen Sie ihn!"

Donar and Sersei exchanged looks and rather gingerly attacked. Jarvis was almost afraid to use his JarvisCosmic again. Donar had been a friend once. But what choice did he have? He focused and concentrated. This time things went more according to plan. A shimmer slammed Donar backwards into the wall. The Nordic warrior grunted in pain, but he did not turn into anything bizarre. Not that being a pseudo-Norse deity running Canada wasn't bizarre enough.

In the meantime, Sersei had gotten through Jarvis' defenses while he was watching in morbid fascination to see if Donar would turn into a pink toy poodle. The blow to his gut doubled him over, but he managed to summon his powers to fling her away before she could administer the coup de gras. This, unfortunately, though, set him up for Donar's round house punch.Jarvis and his Cosmic power went down for the count.

Donar limped over to Sersei, leaning heavily on Mjalcom(tm) and helped her to her feet.

Zemo stopped jumping up and down and returned to a slow boil. "Put him with the others," he snapped. Why the hell had he gone and spouted his mouth off like that. Telling the opposition your plans was something only the dumbest or most clich*-ridden villains ever did. And Zemo was no villain. He was the hero of his country. It was disturbing to say the least.

------------------------------------------------- Daio's Contribution, Part 2
*******

Jail cells tend to come in two varieties. Dark, dank, dingy and smelling of offal and worse things or bright, white and smelling of antiseptic and worse things. Having to spend a lot of time in prisons was one of the definite drawbacks of choosing a career in criminal defense law, Lisa mused. Of course, usually she wasn't locked in the cell but still...

The lucious legal expert turned her discerning gaze on her companions. She thought something more odd than usual was going on here. It was hard to be sure though. The fact that Visionary was sitting in a corner with his eyes squeezed shut loudly humming old Billy Joel songs was probably one of the more normal and sane things he could do given the circumstances. Banjooo, for his part, was staring blankly into space with a silly grin on his sea-monkey face, which given his entire kingdom had just disappeared from the face of the earth was either strange or not so strange, depending. Jarvis was woozy and still recovering from the nearly jaw-breaking punch Donar had landed, so it was hard to tell if he was acting normal or not. Normal, she decided. Lying on his back, rubbing his jaw and cursing was normal.

But other people were definitely not themselves. It was totally out of character to be trapped with Moo and not have her older sister try to get her to edit her evil prose by fair means or foul. But Moo seemed satisfied to draw pictures of winged cows with crowns and faery wands on the walls of their cells with a grease pencil. Now admittedly, Moo liked to draw, but usually she stuck to complex biochemical diagrams. Fin Fang Foom was chasing his scaly tail. Or was his tail chasing him? And NTU... Lisa blinked, NTU seemed to be trying to rewire himself. Finally, Hal was slowly and rhymically banging his head against the wall. Yes, something stranger than usually was going on...but what?

Just then the room shook, and everyone in it was momentarily deafened and stunned by an incredibly loud noise... well, everyone but Visionary, who merely hummed "Piano Man" louder...

Donar was going ballistic. Somehow being hit with JarvisCosmic had loosened Sersi's hold on him. "Verily, I shalt not stand for this!" he bellowed at the female mind-controller. "I am Donar, ruler of Canada. This Oceania 'tis not my concern." The handsome neo-viking's face convulsed. "Enough, do not violate my mind, evil sorceress. I wilt not allow thee to control the mighty Donar a moment longer. Donar's mission is to crush the resistance, not defend some watery bordello!" With that melodramatic statement ending his monologue, the sovereign head of Canada flew upwards and crashed through the roof, making a tremendous amount of mess and noise. The janitorial service was going to be peeved. Assuming they didn't all drown. Putting a hole in the roof of an underwater facility has some rather dramatic and undesirable effects. Water started to pour in. Believe me, this is bad. It would have been worse, except that Oceania's dome was self-repairing. Nevertheless, Sersi, Zemo and the contol room got throughly soaked before the repair mechanism could patch the hole.

Water and electronics don't mix well. Sparks flew, and circuits shorted.

"Gott im Himmel!" Zemo exclaimed as the board controlling the main defense grid went on the fritz. "What is happening here?!" A light was dawning. Zemo wasn't a stupid man. On the contrary. So, why was he doing such incredibly stupid and cliched things. Unless...Zemo whirled to glare at Sersi. "You! You are doing this!"

Next???????

OK, it's time for someone else continue this!!!

by Dr. Moo