 |
 |
|
|
|
Some heroes for HH to torment, PLUS! a repost of Abandoned Legion #2, just to have some of my writing up. Saturday, 15-May-1999 17:47:40
Well, I'm pretty sure Bubba (possibly my less-than-evil but somewhat annoying twin) would want to stop you villainous types... he has an equivalent of the JarvisCosmic and can do pretty much whatever he freakin' wants... There's Frank, the farmer that killed evil spiffy... Um... Caveguy and Elsqueevio would pitch in. Caveguy's a big, strong, caveman... Elsqueevio's an insane Greek(?) guy that despises purple... And.. um... here's Abandoned Legion #2, full of try-hard heroes. I just ask that you don't use LLAMA... I have plans for them. “My, you’re looking particularly… syrupy,” Lisa said, eyeing EggoMan hungrily. The leader of the Belgium Waffle Five gave a nervous giggle and began to slowly back away. The conference room was mostly empty, with only the leaders of several teams organising their recruiting drive. HV and spiffy were off in a corner. “All right, who do we have here?” HV asked, peering around the room. spiffy consulted his notepad. “Well… Lisa’s here as leader of the Lair Legion… even though I was supposed to represent it… ingrates… ah… we have EggoMan for the Belgium Waffle Five, Mistah Sparkle for The Chinese Democratic Leaders Society, Ed the giant tortoise for The Equadorian Headshrinkers Society, Man-Monkey for the… ah… Man-Monkey Fan Club… and there’s no one here representing LLAMA, for some reason.” “All the less competition. Well, I think we have a good chance here…” “Not if this is the uniform,” spiffy muttered, looking down at the refuse covering his fern armour. “Pardon me, spiffy?” HV asked, quickly reaching for a melon. “I said… nothing, never mind, wasn’t important. Hey, get ready, they’re opening the doors!” HV and spiffy took their places behind their table as the doors exploded inwards and the room was filled with eager new heroic minds. And a couple of villainous ones that had mixed up their directions. “Man-Monkey! I love you!” shouted the Gibbonic Trout. “I want in LLAMA!” yelled Kid Chihuahua. “Free the fish!” screamed Master Card. “Get off my foot!” groaned Rather Large Foot Boy. spiffy was bowled over as dozens of screaming rookies flowed past him. He tried to pick himself up, but was smashed to the floor again by an over-excited Badger Man. “Oh yeah, oh yeah, heh, look at the pastries, heh, oh yeah,” Badger Man said, twisting his head in all directions before bounding off. “Ugh…” spiffy said, standing, “You sure this is a good idea?” he asked for the seventeenth time. “Yeah,” HV answered distractedly, looking over at a man standing a few feet away. “Is that…” Before he could finish what he was saying, the man saw him, stared at him for a second, then collapsed in helpless laughter. “Yeah. It’s him all right. Pete! Get over here!” “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Paste Pot Pete stumbled over to their booth, laughing uncontrollably. “Hey… HAHAHAHA… guys… hee hee hee… nice… HAH!… booth you… heh… have here! HAHAHAHA!” “Cheerful fellow,” spiffy remarked dryly. “Quiet, you,” HV muttered before turning to PPP. “Hey, Pete, wanna join our team?” The crazed gluemaster managed to mutter a “sure” between guffaws. “See, spiffy?” HV asked with a satisfied smirk, “We have a member already.” “Yeah, we could take on the LL already,” the fern-and-refuse-covered hero replied sarcastically, staring pointedly at the man curled up on the floor, laughing. “You may have a point…” he replied thoughtfully, “But we’re just beginning. Look., there’s Cap, I bet I can get him to join.” spiffy watched as HV wandered casually over to Cap, and engaged him in conversation. They seemed to be talking about the weather or something unimportant, and it went on for quite a while. Then Cap casually brought up a fist and punched HV squarely in the nose. He walked over to spiffy’s booth. “Hey, spiffy. What’re you doing here?” “HV roped me into helping him recruit for this Abandoned Legion thing… Didn’t he tell you about that?” “Oh! That was a team? I thought he was coming on to me… hey, can I join?” “I should probably ask him first…” spiffy beckoned for HV to join them. The man stood up, dazed, and walked over. “Can Cap join us?” “What’re your powers?” HV asked. “Uhm… well… I have this shield… which blocks stuff… and I have peanuts!” “Forget it. I’ll be back, spiff, I’m gonna go mingle,” he said, walking away. “Well that sucks…” Cap said, disappointed. “Oh, don’t mind him… he’s just cheesed that you punched him. You’re in.” “Hey, thanks!” “You won’t thank me for long,” spiffy said, gesturing over his shoulder at the guffawing Paste Pot Pete. “Oh. I see,” the new member said hesitantly. “Yeah, I don’t even know what I’m doing here…” spiffy paused, seeing someone he recognised. “Hey! Chronicler! Over here!” he shouted before remembering that CoS scared him. “Ah, greetings, planted one,” the Chronicler said. “You do know I’m not really planted, right?” spiffy asked nervously. “The fern thing is just an armour.” “Indeed, comrade, indeed. But you have added to your apparel! What be this foul-smelling crap?” “HV made me wear it… something about mood.” “Mood is something with which I am most familiar,” CoS started in a prophetic voice. “Oh, put a sock in it,” said a rough feminine voice. spiffy peered over the Chronicler’s shoulder to see a scowling woman dressed in fancy star-covered robes. She was accompanied by another woman in some sort of lizard outfit. “These friends of yours?” spiffy asked. “Need you ask? No female is comrade with the Chronicler! They are evil, young one!” “Uh huh…” spiffy said slowly, remembering why CoS had made him nervous before. “They have names?” The Chronicler sighed. “You shall never listen… They call themselves Sorceress and Cobra. Enjoy their company, if you can,” he said mysteriously, then vanished in a poof of olives. “Ah… so…” spiffy said in the uncomfortable silence that followed. “You two wanna join our team?” Hollywood V was rather uncomfortable. Which was understandable when one considers his position between the Giganto-Lisa and Anvil-Man. But his goal was in sight: the woman called Sersi. She was engaged in conversation with a bare-chested, muscular man. This would have to change. But first, HV had to get past Anvil-Man, who was muttering something about explosions into a walkie-talkie. “Excuse me,” he said dryly. The man didn’t respond, so HV poked his shoulder. Anvil-Man looked down at him. “What?” he grunted. “You’re in my way.” “Oh, terribly sorry,” he said, moving. “Now, Purply, about these bombs…” HV moved slowly towards his target, pondering his options. Finally he decided on one, and leapt forwards, throwing the muscular man to the floor and pummeling him senseless. He then stood up to face the speechless Sersi. “You’re lucky I got here in time!” he gasped, “That man was loaded!” “I’d noticed,” she replied, then slapped him. “I was flirting, you moron!” “Oh, well, sorry about that… how would you like to join the Abandoned Legion?” “I already told you, no!” She sighed as he gave her a sad face. “No, really, I’m not interested in joining any team right now.” “Please? There’s health benefits,” he said convincingly as he reached into his pocket to take hold of his melon. “I told you… health benefits, you say? What kind of benefits?” she said, suddenly interested. “Oh, they’re certainly beneficial,” he said smoothly, “Come over to our table and I’ll explain them.” He led her over to the booth, where spiffy was desperately trying to make himself noticed. “Guys! Abandoned Legion here! Come on! It’s a great Legion!” “spiffy?” HV interrupted him, “You want to tell Sersi about our health benefits?” “Our what now?” spiffy asked, confused. “Oh, those benefits… right…” he said a second later. “I’ll get right on it.” He moved to speak with Sersi, revealing the women behind him. “Cobra? Is that you?” HV gasped. Cobra turned, startled. “Um… yes, that’s me. Do I… know you?” “Of course you do!” he cried, insulted. “Dr. Samson’s office… Chronicler…?” “I’m sorry,” she said hesitantly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Oh, my mistake,” he murmured, turning. “That can’t possibly have been a dream,” he whispered to himself. He turned his attention to spiffy and Sersi. “Hah! spiffy, you look like an idiot,” she laughed. “I know… it’s all HV’s fault. This whole team was his idea.” “Now that I think about it, it is kind of ridiculous… maybe I shouldn’t join.” “spiffy!” HV cut in, “Have you finished filling her in?” “Actually, we were…” spiffy started, then paused. “We were… talking about me joining the team,” Sersi finished. “I think it’d be a great idea.” “Excellent,” HV said happily as the opposite wall exploded. “Heroes!” bellowed a voice from the wreckage. “Your dreams of battles and glory are misguided! Good doesn’t always triumph! Bad is good! Join me!” The newly-formed Abandoned Legion blinked as the dust cleared, revealing… Baron Zemo, and the Scourge of the BZL! As well as Anvil-Man… but he’s just the demolition expert. “This doesn’t bode well,” HV muttered, already planning. “The SBZL is an established, secure team! There are no drawbacks to joining us! Victory shall be ours!” Zemo continued. “Actually, that sounds pretty good…” Pincushion Lad said. “No!” the Man of Veal cried dramatically, “Evil must be punished! Tenderise him!” Inspired by this heroic man, the assembled rookies rushed forwards, accompanied by the four established team leaders. The Abandoned Legion fell back to watch. It was a disaster. None of the heroes were trained and kept getting in each other’s way. Frosted Flaker and the Mighty Milk collided, felling them both. Rock and Snippy Scissors ran into each other, reducing Snippy to little more than scrap metal. In minutes, every one of them was unconscious on the floor, with the exception of Lisa. She burped, and something that looked suspiciously like EggoMan’s shoe popped out of her mouth. She blushed and waved at HV. “Hey, can I join your team?” she chirped happily. He shrugged. “Sure, why not.” “Ah… HV…” spiffy said, tugging at his shirt, “She’s not Abandoned… and she leads the LL.” “Who cares?” HV hissed, “We’ve got a battle to win!” “Oh,” spiffy said. “Forgot about that.” Zemo and his Scourge advanced. Along with Anvil-Man. Can’t forget him. spiffy |
| Some heroes for HH to torment, PLUS! a repost of Abandoned Legion #2, just to have some of my writing up. (spiffy) (15-May-1999 17:47:40) |
|
Copyright © ITW Newcorp, Inc. 1997-1999
All rights reserved.