Adventures in Parodyverse - Outlaws of the New Law Part 8

    Chiaki Bushido was unconscious when she hit Earth.  She had been teleported up to ninety thousand feet, where the air is too thin and cold to breathe.  The blood flow to her head suddenly short of oxygen, she simply passed out.  If not for one mistake the Doorman made, she would never have remembered touching ground, because she would have been dead long before that.

    Lara Night gently laid her on the ground and waved a hand over her body gently, trying to realign her entire body with consciousness so the Samurai wouldn’t wake up numb or confused.  She would be useless that way, and at risk of being cut down again.

    The Psychic Samurai’s eyes opened, and she looked up at Lara in confusion.  “What...?”  she started to ask.  She didn’t have to finish her question, it was already known.

    “I teleported you back.”  Lara replied quietly.  “The heart attack the Doorman gave me...sure it was painful, but I heal faster than he can harm me.  I guess he thought because I’d fallen, I was done.”

    Chiaki looked around.  “Where is my sword?”  she asked.

    Lara looked up, but didn’t reply.  The sword hadn’t come down yet, or if it did, she didn’t know where it landed.

    “Oh.”  Chiaki sounded defeated.  “It was a gift,”  she whispered sadly.  She slowly and painfully stood, glancing in the direction of the Doorman.  “Now I’m angry,”  was all she said.

    “Chiaki--”  Lara tried to urge her, to tell her that she was still weak.  But Chiaki stopped her, by raising her palm silently.  The Samurai’s dark eyes were fixed on the Doorman.

    “I will need backup,”  Chiaki finally requested, fully coming to her senses.  “Doorman cheats.”  With that, she began walking toward the Doorman and Liu Xi.

    “Backup, huh?”  Lara looked at her feet, where she accidentally nudged Anna’s head with her toe.  The android’s body was lying nearby.

---

    “Why are you doing this?”  Liu Xi asked sadly as the Doorman took her arm and pulled her toward him violently.

    “Leave her alone, or I’ll--”  Kat Gillespe was cut off mid-sentence as the Doorman shoved her to the ground.

    The Doorman didn’t reply as he pulled Liu Xi close to him and smiled.  The five dollar bill was still sitting on the ground.  “Sorry...boss’ orders.  You have to die now.”

    “Don’t you know?”  Liu Xi pleaded with him.  “I slept with you because I care enough to make you free...so you can be your own person, not a slave to The Moderator.  I believed in you...don’t throw that away.”

    Kat prepared to protest loudly again, but a small hand was offered to her.  As she looked up, its owner quickly put her index finger to her lips, urging silence.

    “You thought you were going to turn me against the master?”  Doorman taunted her.  “You weren’t that good.”

    Liu Xi’s expression hardened, and her eyes darkened.  Her clenched teeth hidden behind a frown, she suddenly and violently fought back with both hands and feet, as the Doorman lifted her off the ground to try and stop her.  “The last person who told me that is dead!”  she threatened.

    The Doorman’s nose was bloodied before he managed to grab her by her long black hair and twist.  She squeaked loudly and satisfyingly.

    Then he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.

---

    Doorman had grabbed Liu Xi by her hair, and was whispering something to the small Chinese girl.  Something cruel, by the looks of it.  That only angered Chiaki further.  “Doorman!”  she called to him angrily in a voice that was soft yet loud enough to carry.  “You disgust me!  You have no honor!”

    “Oh, this is interesting.”  Doorman dropped the squealing Liu Xi.  He wasn’t even aware of the cold, angry look she wore when he dropped her.  He was smiling as Chiaki approached him and bowed slightly.  “What are you going to do without a sword, little Samurai?”

    “Run away,”  the Psychic Samurai whispered.  She wasn’t answering the Doorman’s question - the instruction was directed at Kat.  The goth girl quickly leapt to her feet and complied, sensing that things were about to get ugly.

    Chiaki hit the Doorman hard with an open palm to the jaw, and then one sneaker impacted the side of his head, followed by another a second later.  He felt blood run into his left eye, and braced for a fall...but he still stood.  “Hah...is that all you have?”

    Chiaki was airborne when he said that, both fists clenched together to slam his forehead into the ground.  “A Samurai’s whole body is a weapon.”  she warned him.  “The sword is merely an extension.”

    He stood suddenly and swung at her...but she was gone.  He wheeled around quickly, and was hit by another foot to the face.  She was moving quickly...he would have to cripple her once and for all to stop her.  But then as he was hit again he realized what she was doing - she was timing her hits to keep him from concentrating on his power, and to wear him down.

    Doorman reached for her...but found himself suddenly in a headlock.  He was confused for a moment, because Chiaki was right there in front of him - she couldn’t possibly be in two places at once.  But then he saw a lock of blonde hair out of the corner of his eye.  “Big mistake,”  he said.  “This time I’ll make sure you’re dead.”  He reached for Lara...and his hands passed right through her.  She was completely intangible, even though her arm pressed into his neck.

    He tried teleporting Lara away, but found that worked about as well as reaching for her.  “Link!”  he ordered.

    “I sent her far away.”  Lara explained.  “If you surrender maybe I won’t send you to join her.”

    There was suddenly a lot of yelling in the background.  The Agents of SPAM realized that Anna was working again, and were engaged in a battle with her.  With Lara tormenting Doorman, Chiaki had the luxury to glance that direction.  It looked a bit like a platoon of soldiers fighting a very small tank.  Two, if she counted Yuki.

    Lara Night suddenly vanished, and the Doorman was free and gasping for breath.  Chiaki’s face fell, but then she became more determined and balled up her fists even tighter.  She noticed out of the corner of her eye that Liu Xi was whispering something.

    “We’ll see how brave you are now,”  Doorman said to Chiaki as he regained his breath, raising his hand in her direction, “When I send you to--”

    Chiaki blinked twice.  The Doorman had vanished.  So had Liu Xi.

---

    Anna lifted up a soldier with one hand and flung him like a boomerang into several others.  They ducked, but the velocity of the thrown soldier was enough to knock them down anyhow.  A handful of them tried to pile onto her, but she stood firm, and threw them off one by one.

    “If you get us out of this,”  Yuki told Anna as she and the android faced a hundred SPAM agents, Yuki with her fists raised and reflexes still dampened, “I’m putting you in for Lair Legion membership.”

    Anna nodded once.  “Noted.”  She circled around a bit as the remaining SPAM agents kept their distance until they could try to make a coordinated effort.

    “How did you put your head back on, anyway?”  Yuki asked.

    “Lara Night did a little bit of welding,”  Anna explained.  “The nanobots are currently working on the rest.”

    “Try to keep your head on straight, then.”  Yuki couldn’t help but joke.

    “Enough of this!”  Dominator ordered the Agents of SPAM as he faced off with CrazySugarFreakBoy!, “Stop wasting time and just mow them down.”

    “Good idea,”  Yuki said, only she was referring to Anna instead.  Only Anna had vanished.  “What the hell?”  was the last words from her mouth before the SPAM agents opened fire.  They ended up shooting only themselves, because Yuki was gone too.

---

    The Doorman found himself somewhere that felt very strange.  His eyes were shut, and he couldn’t open them at first.  Once he did, he wished he was born without them.

    Above him, the sky flowed like a river, spilling down into a mist that burned his skin like fire, and stabbed at his eyes like knives, yet was soothing at the same time...yet it was also a gentle wind.  Birds that looked triangular one second, and egg-shaped the next, surfed through the flowing sky making a sound that left a nauseating taste in his mouth every time he heard it.  He felt like he was suffocating, as the air was a solid, liquid, and gas all at the same time.

    The squishy floor he stood on had dissolved his shoes, and was munching at his bare feet, causing him pain, pleasure, cold, and hot all at the same time.  Looking at it made him want to vomit...though he also had the horrible feeling that if he did, his body might turn inside out.

    “I thought if you wish to torture me,”  Liu Xi whispered from a few yards away, “Why not try in my playground?”  

    Her words crawled from her mouth as a long, slimy lizard that attacked the Doorman suddenly, wrapping itself around him and chewing away at his flesh.  He screamed as he saw his own blood ooze away from him, twisting into thin braids of thread that began tying to his limbs like he was a puppet.  

    He tried to create a doorway out of that place.  The doorway spread into fifteen dimensions, twisting and undulating like a mobius strip so he couldn’t tell which way was in or out.

    “You should have looked closely the necklace I was wearing,”  Liu Xi scolded him with a chill in her voice.

    Those words too, slithered away from Liu Xi and began attacking the Doorman’s flesh painfully tangling him in even more braided bloody threads.  He screamed again, and then yelled, “Shut up!  Shut up!  Stop talking!”  He secretly hoped his words would attack her, but they didn’t.

    Then there was blessed silence.  For a moment, anyway...and then many distant voices started to assault his ears, and he could feel pain from them all.  He covered his ears tightly with his hands, and pressed his head against solid ground to try and seal them out.

    Three SPAM agents found the Doorman lying on his stomach, barefoot, hitting his forehead on the ground until it bled.  He was curled into a ball, covering his ears and gibbering.  And he was covered in slime.

---

    “Now is not your time,”  Faite explained to the five women she had assembled, figuring the first thing they would do is ask for an explanation.

    Liu Xi sat against one wall of the stone room that looked like a chamber in the interior of an ancient castle.  She had her arms wrapped around her legs, and she was shaking.  The realm of the Shoggoth still had a terrible effect on her, only not quite as bad as someone less acclimated to it.  The warmth from the fireplace helped her a little, but not much.

    The room had a high, arched ceiling and the walls were covered by heavy tapestries.  The floor had a giant Persian rug covering smooth stones beneath.  There were windows, but no light came in through them and it was too dark to see out.  There was a large, heavy wooden door that was closed, but seemed to lead to other rooms in the castle.

    It wasn’t a bare room, though - there three red velvet and metal couches in a semi-circle facing the fireplace, an ancient writing desk, and a couple of tables against a wall.

    “We were winning!”  Yuki protested loudly.

    “Not likely,”  Anna explained, as if she had figured it all out before she even arrived.  “We were holding a line.  It would have only taken one small event to lead to our defeat.  That event is still inevitable.”

    “She’s right,”  Lara added sadly, while she sat cross-legged in front of the fireplace, her hands raised to keep them warm.  “Do you think The Moderator’s going to sit at home and say ‘darn, looks like my minions are defeated’?”

    Yuki relented and sat down on the velvet couch, hanging her head and letting the anger drain away to be replaced with a feeling of defeat.  “Yeah, I guess that sounds about right.”

    “What of all the people we were forced to leave behind?  To fight on their own?”  Chiaki asked.  She was the only one besides Faite who was still standing, leaned against the stone wall.  She meant Kat Gillespe and April Alice Apple in particular.

    Faite silently produced a sword from beneath her robes, and handed it to Chiaki.  She noted the surprised and pleased expression from the Samurai, and duplicated the thankful bow she received.  “They will be used as hostages,”  she said.

    “We cannot allow that,”  Chiaki spoke up first.  The matching glances and nods from Yuki and Lara showed they agreed, so she ventured further.  “And since Lara is with us, I doubt you have the power to keep us here.”

    “You are correct,”  Faite replied, as she looked at Lara, implying she knew that was true.  “However, you must understand that you five have been selected for a special purpose.”

    “And that is?”  Anna asked, her question sounding more patient than the others’ might have been.

    “Memories.”  Faite told them.  “You five are the carriers of memories.  That makes you much more valuable than anyone else in the Parodyverse at the moment.  If the Parodyverse resets, or reconstitutes...if The Moderator wins...or if he loses...you will be the ones who must make everyone remember.  Bring balance to the Parodyverse.”

    “Not me,”  Lara pointed out.  “I’m not even from this universe.”

    “All the more reason for you to remember,”  Faite countered.  “If this universe is destroyed, it will be you who carries its memory.”

    That saddened Lara.  She didn’t consider the possibility that the Parodyverse and everyone in it could be gone forever.  It sounded so final, the way Faite said it.

    “You are also its savior,”  Faite explained further.  “The Moderator can delete things he does not favor--”  

    She touched Lara gently, and as she moved away, her fingers trailed gentle strands of white energy, which she pulled through the air as if she was weaving a giant loom.  “But nothing is destroyed, Lara.  It is merely broken down to its source energy...which is what you have mastered.  Everything that has been deleted has become a part of you.”

    “What?”  Lara asked, her voice barely a whisper.  She turned pale.  “You mean...?”

    “For example, the Hatman you know has been removed from this universe.  If you do not stay alive, Lara--”  Faite said with a slight shake of the head, “He may never return.  Until he is restored, his components, his memories, live on, in part, within you.  As well as anyone else who has been removed, rather than converted, by The Moderator.”

    “Well, he always did want to get inside you.”  Yuki mumbled.  Chiaki hit her hard on the shoulder.

    “Yuki,”  Faite turned her attention to the purple-haired Legionnaire.  “The memories of the Lair Legion live on within you.  When they are restored, they will come from you.  If you die, the Lair Legion may be restored, but they will have no identity without you.”

    “I can’t die, and I have to touch them all when they get back.  Got it.”  Yuki summarized.  She gave a warning look to Lara, who was prepared to retaliate for Yuki’s earlier joke with a similar one of her own.

    “And myself?”  Chiaki asked.  “Liu Xi?  What sort of things do we hold on to?”

    “You have already served your purpose,”  Anna supplied before Faite spoke up.  “Chiaki, you are the bringer of change, the catalyst.  Your deeds may have seemed insignificant and futile, but word of them has spread like wildfire.  You have started a revolution.”

    “Correct.”  Faite approved, noting Chiaki’s slightly embarrassed look.  “And Liu Xi, you are a key.  You are wearing the only surviving fragment of the Earthly manifestation of the Manga Shoggoth.”

    Liu Xi looked down at her necklace for a moment, but she didn’t speak as she hadn’t finished shivering yet.

    “Without it,”  Faite clarified, “The lives safely sequestered in the conceptual realm known as Lemuria would either perish or be locked away forever.  You literally are the guardian of dozens of people’s lives.”  She smiled and added, “That’s quite an accomplishment.”

    That revelation finally caused Liu Xi to animate.  She nearly smiled for a moment, and then clutched the pendant hanging from her neck tightly in her right hand.

    “What else is she the key to?”  Yuki asked.  She was met with suspicious silence from both Faite and Anna.  “Well?”  she asked more urgently.  “What else?”

    Liu Xi bowed her head as she produced the small black book from her back pocket and passed it to Yuki.  The purple-haired detective, the Psychic Samurai, and Lara looked at it all at once.

    “What is it?”  Lara asked, being unfamiliar with Parodyverse artifacts.

    “Sweet mother of god.”  Yuki exclaimed as she magnified her vision to look at the cover.  “Xander gave this to you, didn’t he?”

    Chiaki had turned pale, something rare for her.

    “He said--”  Liu Xi began as she tried to control the chattering of her teeth.  “He said it was for emergencies.  End of the world type emergencies.  I thought it was appropriate to bring with me.”

    “The Necronastycon.  Condensed Alko Edition.”  Yuki read from the cover.  “Why would he even have something like this?”

    “I believe you know that answer,”  Faite interrupted, her voice sounding colder than usual.  She gently took the book from Yuki, afraid she might consider destroying it, and passed it back to Liu Xi.

    “Isn’t that the book that makes these giant blasphemous monsters who refuse to obey the laws of physics wake up and eat the universe?”  Lara asked.

    “Yes,”  Chiaki and Yuki replied simultaneously.

    Lara’s mouth opened like she was about to say something to Liu Xi, but she was interrupted.

    “She will know when its use is appropriate,”  Faite explained.

    “I will.”  Liu Xi guaranteed.  She noted the shocked looks on Yuki’s, Chiaki’s, and Lara’s faces.  “Look, I don’t really want to destroy the universe.  But I don’t want The Moderator to destroy it either.”

    “I agree with Liu Xi.”  Anna contributed.

    Chiaki nodded, and her expression softened.  “I believe she will make the right decision.”

    “Thank you.”  Liu Xi said.  She went back to warming herself in front of the fireplace.

    Yuki sighed and shook her head.  “What about Anna?  Does she have a special purpose?”

    “Anna served her purpose as well,”  Chiaki noted.  “She made us aware of each other, and brought us together.  She is our protector.  She sees paint on a blank canvas, and fills in the pieces.”

    Anna felt all of the eyes on her, though she remained silent at first.  Then she said, “I...suppose that’s true.”

    “Then I understand why Faite brought us here.”  Chiaki finally concluded.  “It is because The Moderator has begun to put the pieces together...and once he does, he will attempt to locate us an destroy us one by one.”  She looked coldly at Faite, and said, “Beginning with Faite, the one who has matched him move for move.”

    “And then me,”  Lara added, “Because I seem to be the backup of stuff he’s deleting.”

    “And me.”  Liu Xi sounded sad as she admitted that.  “Because the Shoggoth is so dangerous to him.”

    “So what do we do, just wait?”  Yuki asked.

    “Yes,”  Chiaki replied.  “The Moderator is so fond of setting traps.  We wait for him to set another.  Only this time, we will do what’s unexpected...we will watch, and wait until we are but small voices in the chorus against him.  This time, when he sets a trap...it will be his own.”

TO BE CONTINUED?

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2008 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 

--    reprinted without permission.  

-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow

--  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin

--  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin